A visit to grandma

brittanymurray

Hello. 

I received a call last week from my grandmother’s nursing home stating that she wasn’t eating any longer and is losing weight quickly. So I wanted to schedule a visit just in case her battle with ALZ is almost over. My dad (who has early onset) and I went to see her today for my birthday. 

At first, the visit was just as I remember them to be: she was non-communicative, smiled but didn’t really engage. Eventually she started trying to talk back to us and it came out... I’m trying to think of how to word it other than just saying odd. It was unintelligible. It was a mix of just sounds and what sounded like foreign language (which she doesn’t know any). 

Again, after a little while this changed some. She started speaking to where we could understand her. I said something about how she taught me to bake, and we used to make brownies together. She said, “If you finish those, I’ll make more.” My dad then mentioned to her that it’s my birthday, and she asked how old I am. I cried. She hasn’t known who I am for years, but for that minute it was like I had my grandma back. She also told me I’m pretty and that she liked my hair. She told my dad that he looks good, too. When we left, we both hugged her and told her that we love her. She responded by saying “yes,” which I think was her trying to tell us that she loves us too.

While of course this was a great visit and a wonderful birthday present to have a few lucid moments with her, it does also worry me. I’ve read that those moments of clarity often occur with ALZ patients right before passing. Obviously I know that’s coming anyway, so I guess if this was my last visit with her, at least it gave me some closure. I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.?

May flowers

I’m sorry for what you are going through.

I have not been through it with a dementia patient, but I think the upturns are not uncommon for anyone close to dying. I experienced it with my MIL (cancer) and my mom (ALS). In both cases, after a long decline, they had some very good days to the point some family members thought they were getting better only to die a week or so later. It’s very hard. 

All 3 parents and in-laws I have lost also had visions of loved ones at the end, and a strong need to tell others they loved them/ask for forgiveness. I don’t know if a person with dementia will have the clarity to do that, though.