She Cried - First Day of Day Care (Activity Center)

Marp

I took my sister to a trial day at the Adult Day Care where I would like her to go.  We've talked about it over the last few months and I took her there once to walk around outside (due to Covid they weren't allowing visitors inside for tours).  

She got in the car okay, but started to cry on her way over.  When we got to the center, the social worker met us outside so I wouldn't have to go in, and talked to my sister.  Again, my sister cried. 

It was awful.  I believe she needs something to do besides sit at home, especially as her communication skills fade - she won't be able to call 911 or ask for help if something happens.  And she's bored.  I'm working at home, but I'm working and can't spend a lot of time with her so she's bored and depressed.

I hope it goes well.  Staying home all the time isn't good for her; we need something, but it hurt so much that she cried.

harshedbuzz

That must've been hard.

I lot of people who start a day program go with their LO and stay for a couple hours the first few days. Maybe that would help her settle more easily.

HB

MN Chickadee

We had a similar start to adult daycare, except it was me crying. My mother was so angry and did not want to go. I felt terrible making her. We were in a position where something had to give; her family needed respite. I cried every day for a week after dropping her off. She would go begrudgingly. The staff would take over and I would sneak out. The first couple weeks were very rough, but in the end it was the best possible thing we could have done for her. In this whole journey, adult daycare was the one decision I know 100% for certain we got right. She started to settle in. A couple months in she thrived there. She got to know the staff and made friends. It was very good for her, because she was still socializing and using her body and mind to the best of its ability. The staff were skilled at coming up with things to do she could handle that would not be stressful but would stimulate her mind. She was content there for years even as she declined. I know it's hard. Hang in there and keep trying. The adjustment is a process, and most of our LO's take some time and repetition to accept or settle in to anything new.  Hopefully in a few weeks it will be a more pleasant experience for both of you.

Marp

Unfortunately, due to Covid-19, the day cares in my area are not allowing extra people in.  The social worker at this one is trying to find a way to start allowing family members to tour.  She said she'd let me know when she gets that going.

Fortunately, I'm familiar with the owner of this day care and one of my coworkers sent her mother there for several years before she died and was very pleased with the care her mother received.   So I know it's a good place; it's just getting my sister acclimated.

Fortunately, she was much more relaxed when she came home.  The social worker told me they played bean bag toss and my sister got the high score.  I told the social worker she played softball in high school and was one of the pitchers; she has an advantage.

lovebonita

That is not a good start but you are doing the right thing for your sister, you are absolutely correct that the socialization will help her communicate and remain more with it as she progresses.  

I work from home too and understand what you mean by even though you are home with her its not like you can do a quality activity with her because you are working.  I was finding myself putting a tv show on or a simple color book for her to do on her own.  It just wasn't stimulating enough and not meeting her needs.

My Mom started a day program about six months ago. To get her in the door I used a fiblet that they needed volunteers to help with that day.  I asked the workers to help sell the story if needed too.  She was a little teary but I remained steadfast and kept reassuring her I would pick her up right after work.  She survived day one and has learned to love going to the point that the days they are closed she continually asks to go because she doesn't understand that they are not open every day.  Oh but if they were!

I had to tell myself it was no different than dropping my son off to daycare when he was little and he would cry.  It was hard to leave him but I knew it was keeping him safe and giving me the freedom to work and do the things I needed to do.  

I would suggest you don't give up, its worth fighting through the adjustment period just to give you a little break and her some socialization.  Don't forget its really for their own good.

Marp

My sister chattered away about the center after she came home.  She gets words mixed up so I don't always know what she's saying, but she seems to have enjoyed herself.  She said there were several people that slept most of the time she was there and she laughed because the one gentleman snores REALLY LOUDLY.   

She calls it "that place I went"; she doesn't remember the name and I certainly didn't tell her it's a day care. 

When we got there, she saw a "Help Wanted" sign and said she could get a job there.  I said, "maybe you could."  When the staff came out to meet her, she said she could apply for a job and they say ok.  She couldn't fill out a job application now to save her life, but we're not going to tell her that.  We'll let her think they might some day hire her. 

She did say she's open to going again.  I tell her they probably will find a job for her to do; there are lots of people there who need help. 

We are going to approach the VA about possibly paying for some of it - she does still understand enough to know that, until they  hire her, she probably has to pay to go there.  Knowing I'm going to talk to the VA made her feel better (and I am going to talk to the VA -already have, but they said call again after she visits the center).

We've talked about why I think she should go - I focus on its benefit to her - alleviates boredom, gives her other people to spend time with besides her boring sister who is on the computer all day....  I don't mention that I know, if something happens, she doesn't have to try to remain calm to call 911 or explain to a neighbor what's wrong; there are other people there who will do that.