Do I leave cards for mom at AL or not?

Marianne*

Me again.  So, I'm not sure where I read it but someone suggested leaving cards with uplifting messages and love enclosed for their LO for the first week or two while they are adjusting.  Mom will be moving into Eskaton on Saturday and I'm supposed to stay away.  I'm wondering if anyone has done this and if it helped or not?  TIA

star26

What a wonderful idea. There’s an organization called "Love for our Elders" that has volunteers send cards with loving messages to seniors in facilities. It seems to be a big hit in general. When my Dad was in a facility for respite, he read my letters over and over again and he also carried one note with my phone number in his hat wherever he went. It was also a conversation point with the staff "this is from my daughter". If she’s not able to appreciate them now, she probably will later. It sounds like you are doing everything possible to make this as gentle a transition as possible. I’m hoping for the best! 

King Boo

I am gonna make this one a strong NO, considering you are concerned seeing her own dresser is going to set her off.  With patchy reasoning, this one could be seen as a trigger for "YOU KNEW AHEAD OF TIME AND DID THIS TO ME!".

Why not wait a few days until she is moved in and mail them?  Then it's more of an after the fact thing.

This could go smoothly - or it may COMPLETELY SUCK and Mom could be upset.  Prepare yourself.  Sometimes, there is absolutely nothing we can do in the face of the disease.

Mlewis501

I would wait for a week or two, then start sending a card a week.  My mom loves getting cards and looks at them over and over.  She may not remember the person sending the card, but it helps us stay connected.

zauberflote

I won't advise, bc every situation (and person) is different, and ya just never know. 

We ripped Mom out by the deep roots (not an overstatement) of her happy widowed life in the village she'd moved to after Dad's early death of cancer. She cultivated her growth as a first-time-EVER independent woman, nurtured her friendships, and had a large circle of younger friends after just a few years.  When we moved her to my city for MC, she wasn't really aware (dementia, dontcha know) of the absolute permanence of this horrible uprooting. Her friends sent notes and cards. Mom, fairly traumatized I would say, blanked out on just about everything, and within weeks the cards meant next to nothing. The only persons who meant anything were me, bro, and my DH, whom she was overjoyed to hear I had "finally married" (back in 1980 lol but she was unable to remember that part, remembering only her emotional turmoil during the months he and I co-habited while unmarried). 

That's her story. Seeing her furniture and artwork seemed to leave her unmoved one way or the other. I'm sure that it reduced the level of ambient stress to be sleeping in the bed for which she had close to 30 years of muscle memory, and to see familiar lamps and paintings, and have a chair that was soothing to her bones, but that was all more of a removal of the negative rather than an addition of the positive. 

You can always try cards! Check in with staff to see what effect they have. I'm afraid there may be no way out of "you knew about this beforehand and you did this awful thing  to me". OTOH, staff may guide her to a pleased acceptance. It's happened! (Not to us, but it has, here on the boards)