Back from the 19-day respite stay

French

Monday was the checkout of my partner’s respite stay in a memory care.

Reminder : the first days he called me in the night complaining because the place was very sad. To everyone visiting him he told that I hadn’t told him I will let him there (we visited together, consulted a psychologist twice on this topic). He was angry with me. For that reason i decided not to visit him. Not useful to add some pain.

Back home, the afternoon, we discussed the news. Nothing about his stay. In the evening we discussed it. In fact, at home I have built him a protected world with caretakers, the daycare... He his always occupied. During this stay he has been projected in the disease world. He was with people orlder than he is, and some of them more advanced in the disease (or differently affected) and often cumulating with other disabilities due to age. He has realized that he will become as they are... old (his word).

In one word : lucidity. 

About me, no anger. He thinks I should leave him. But he also would prefer me to go with him if he has to return in a memory care. He was very kind to me (he always is, but he was kinder). He wanted to sleep with me and tried not to move so that not to disturb me. 

About the memory care, he didn’t like it but recognized that the professionals were kind. He agreed to visit others. I explained him that now he knows what he doesn’t like and what is important. He will choose next time.

So the balance is quite positive. I don’t know if his lucidity will continue. The drawback is that it can render him sadder, but for the moment my perception is that he also seems to feel that he absolutely must enjoy the present time.

M1

Sounds so bittersweet, French. Glad to hear the update. Hope you got some rest. And I agree, living in the moment is nearly always best....

Cynbar

It sounds like the respite went well overall, and I hope you were able to enjoy your break! Plus, it gave you information on what works and what doesn't, which will help you moving forward. My DH went to a local MC for 3 weeks while I recovered from hip surgery, and it taught me so much about the process, the logistics and what worked for him. More people here should think of trying it, for so many reasons.