Husband had panic attack, I think

s128

I originally posted this a couple of days ago, mostly to vent, but I guess I was also hoping someone would comment on it., I may have put it in the wrong place.  I think my DH had a panic attack. We were watching the met game. I watched it with him for a while, but then decided I wanted to go and watch something I liked. I said are you going to stay down and is it all right if I go up. He said yes. Set game up on tv in his room. After a few minutes, he came up with a frightened look on his face and said he wanted this to be over. I said it''s okay I think you are having a panic attack. At that point he started talking about taking a pill to end everything, or he wanted to jump off something. He kept leaning over the upstairs railing. I said to him lets, go lay in bed and see if we can find a movie we both like. He said no, he went downstairs, I followed him, he seemed ready to cry, and I said cry if you want it will make you feel better.At this point I was trying to think of a way to get my son here to help. He wouldn''t let me call. I said ok, lets go to his house he said no, he didn''t want to, I said lets go for a walk, he said no. I said lets go for a ride he said no. So he was just walking around the house, and I was following him. I hid his pills, even though I didn''t think he would take them. Finally he said to me, lets sit. So I found an old John Wayne movie and put it on. He was dozing off on the chair, finally I said lets go up, it''s uncomfortable on the couch. I didn''t want to call police, because if they put him in hospital , it would have made things worse. I said to him. Jim I really think this is a panic attack. I said look at how I was a last week, I felt so overwhelmed that I went between ending it and being afraid of dying. Got him into bed, but he wouldn''t get undressed. So he spent the night in his clothes. Several times I told him I was going to call doctor today, he never said no. Unfortunately his original neurologist left and we just started with a new one. He follows me all over, so I said I''m going to call doctor, he said no or I will get like I was last night. So I didn''t call, I have to tell him I''m calling because he follows me around. Today he seems much better. My feeling was that we have been paying to have a lot of work done in the house, things that he would have done in 10 minutes. And I think if possible it hit him. While we were having dinner tonight, I asked him if he wanted me to stay down while he watched the baseball game and he said yes. Yesterday, we went walking and where we walk there is a mail box in front of the VFW, to deposit old flags. I pulled up and said do me a favor take the flag out of the trunk and put it in mailbox, I got out and gave him the flag but he couldn''t figure out how to open mailbox. I''m watching him and each day that goes by it seems like there is more he forgets. Is he transitioning into a new stage. We have an appt with neurologist soon. To be honest it knocked the heck out of me. Thank you for listening.

ElaineD

Dear s128:  It sounds like you did everything possible to help your DH.  You are a very good caretaker!

About 13 years ago my DH had a series of panic attacks, out of the blue.  Long before his current MCI.

I found that nothing I could do or say helped at all.  He turned on every light in the house, paced around, and had to go outside. It was not possible to discuss anything with him.  The episodes seemed to last forever, but probably only for an hour or two.

 I have found that with any form of distorted thinking (night terrors in children who wake up screaming but are stuck in the terror, anxiety, depression, panic disorder) there is no way to 'talk about it' since the cause is below the level of rationality.  

The person just can't know why any of this is happening.  There are often things that seems you can discuss with them, but it never works for me.

DH has taken a medication for anxiety since the series of panic attacks about 13 years ago.

Elaine

CStrope

s128 I'm so surprised that he has any understanding at all about what is happening with his dementia.  My husband thinks he's just fine, most likely anosognosia.  

I also wonder if maybe a commercial or something came onto the TV that may have set him off.  Sometimes my husband will get agitated about commercials or story lines of specific shows.  We used to always watch "This is Us" together, but since they have the mom character dealing with dementia, he says the show is dumb now and won't watch it.

Hang in there, you did a great job being supportive and calming just when he needed it.

JJAz

My DH had a similar situation and I believe that it was a moment of clarity.  He realized his situation and the future and was overwhelmed and distraught.  I learned that he needed comfort.  I acknowledged his feelings and reminded him that we married for better or worse and in sickness and health; I'm proud to be his wife; we're lucky to have each other; He's here to take care of me and I'm here to take care of him; etc; etc; etc.  Kept talking until I could see his face relaxing.  We cried together and had as much of a 'conversation' as possible, but he was clearly relieved.  With dementia, we need to focus on what is the emotion.  Then acknowledge it and prove comfort.

Blessings,

Jamie

terei

I would discontinue asking him for decisions + giving him choices that he is not processing very well.

A better approach might be:  ‘I am going to bed’ instead of ‘do you want me to...’ 

Any question requires him to make a decision and is probably beyond his capability at this time + creating pressure + stress. 

Examples: Do you want to get dressed(undressed)?   Do you want to go for a walk?  Do you want THIS for lunch or THAT?  Quit telling him who you are calling..just call. He does not need to know several times that you are intending to call the Dr.   Make lunch + serve it up without asking for input.    The kind of constant polite interaction that is common in a normal relationship is too much for the PWD + causes confusion + agitation.

If he refuses to change clothes for bed, so what?  IMO the more conversations you are starting with him, the more resistance you are going to experience.