Small win - DH voluntarily switched to Depends!!!

ButterflyWings

I am happy to report that once again, good advice from this forum worked. It is always 1 step forward, 2 steps back with AD, but I'll take it! We were starting to see some early warning signs of incontinence, with drips and leaks plus dried pee odor. I had seen recommendations to just have Depends (or other brand) on hand and decided to try that.

DH is pushing back on bathing or showering now, and his attitude can last for hours. He gets really huffy if I even make a gentle suggestion about what to wear (he's having trouble dressing for correct season or weather, and often wears shirts inside out and/or backward, etc., re-wears shirts with food or drink stains and resists changing so I can sneak and wash them.) So...I was REALLY not looking forward to the tug of war over "pull-ups" since he's always been a boxer guy and also has anosognosia, so he doesn't even realize he is declining. He thinks I'm bossy and crazy (direct quotes and those are the "nice" names he's called me lately).

Well, so, I bought a package (expensive but worth it), opened it and filled his underwear drawer with only Depends and gradually disappeared any boxers I could find. I never showed him, didn't discuss it, and waited to see what would happen. Big surprise a couple of weeks ago when I caught a glimpse of the Depends peeking out from under the T-shirt he had on, as he was choosing pants from the closet. It felt like a HUGE win!!! He just voluntarily put them on, and now, that's all he wears.

He made the switch just in time, as he just finished dealing with a 3rd UTI in 1.5 years. Not fun, and without these incontinence briefs there would have been even more puddles, mopping, laundry, and tears (mine). Never mind that I've found a damp pair of smelly depends hanging up in the closet (odor led me there...yuk) or that he doesn't want to change them as often as he should, or that last week he put dry depends on top of the damp ones he'd worn all afternoon and night =|. It still is a big step in the right direction. This is a transition I was not looking forward to, and  following the suggestions from forum mates here made our lives so much easier, once again. THANK YOU!

BassetHoundAnn

That's great ButterflyWings! I love your idea of filling the underwear drawer with Depends. I'm going to try that with my mom. She tossed out all the Depends I bought for her. <big sigh> Great step in the right direction! Thank you!

mommyandme (m&m)

That’s a BIG win!

KatieKat1

Butterflywings... That is good news and a relief that he did not recognize the difference.  I had to start out with the mens gray adult pullups ... telling him they were a new style of men's underwear and then eventually to white pullups when he no longer was aware of the difference.  My husband was stubborn and difficult for a while but things are getting easier in some ways.  I think he realizes in his own way he cannot function as he once did and I have to do what makes sense since he has lost all reasoning.

 I did what you did... Just made his regular briefs disappear.  Another thing I had to do is get rid of pants with zippers.  All pants and summer shorts are tie string.  Much easier for me to help dress him and to help with  his bowel incontinence cleanup..no zippers or belts to deal with.  Since I doubt he will be wearing regular jeans and Dockers again I have to find ways to make things easier for me.  

As for Depends we try other brands that are less expensive from Amazon and WalMart.  I actually put two pair of the adult pullups on him and when one gets soiled I cut it off and add a pad until bedtime if the pair he has on are okay I add a second pair.  DH lost his bladder to cancer 14 years ago so I don't have the urine issue since he has to wear a urostomy bag for that...and also ended up with UTI and sepsis 6 months ago...first time since bladder surgery and we almost lost him then.  

I hope things will not be too difficult for you in this journey we are on as caregivers.  It certainly is a day-to-day learning process and finding patience ...and acceptance, as hard as that is to do.  Acceptance is what finally helped me to go on and patience I am still working on.