Time for hospice(1)

DWck

 DH has been deteriorating the past few weeks. He was no longer able to ambulate or even transfer from wheelchair to recliner with my assist. A few near miss falls were frightening.  I’m sad because he so wanted to just go down the one step to our screened in porch and see the ducks and geese in our yard. His appetite was poor and periods of agitation increasing. I called the palliative care nurse and his doctor and we made the decision 2 weeks ago to transfer him to hospice care at home. 

He has been in a hospital bed for over a year and I have enough medical equipment and supplies to start my own facility so the transfer was fairly seamless. The big advantage is that we now have a team that cares about us. A nurse comes twice a week as well as an aide to assist me with bathing and changing the bed linens. A social worker came to document the DNR order based on his advanced directive and the time she spent talking with me was so therapeutic. A chaplain is also available if requested. We discussed funeral arrangements. It sounds ghoulish but with no family nearby it put my mind at ease that there were people available 24/7 who could help guide me through this horrible process. 

We are taking things one day at a time. DH sleeps 14-18 hours a day and only takes sips of liquids, pudding and ice cream. Hospice nurse said they like things that are cold and sweet so I am happy to oblige. I sit next to his bed in his wheelchair and hold his hand as much as possible listening to his breathing. He’s uncharacteristically short tempered when I try to feed him so I am coming to terms with the fact that his body is shutting down. Our 40th wedding anniversary is next month. I pray we can celebrate by holding hands like we always have. At least I’ll be sipping champagne!

ButterflyWings

Oh DWck,

It sounds like you are doing everything possible to make this transition the best it can be for you and your DH under the circumstances. I too have benefitted from the hospice angels for a couple of months when I was where you are, helping a dear one through this phase of their journey (and mine). What a relief to have a skilled team that is dedicated to help you both as much as possible. Priceless. 

I did not have the presence of mind to have bubbly on hand, although we celebrated a "milestone" birthday for me, together, just 3 weeks before she slipped away. She had celebrated many decades before when I came into the world and I was there to support as she prepared to exit it. Life is something. We are here for you as you navigate the time ahead.

((Hugs to you DWck)). You are a wonderful caregiver.

DWck

Thank you for your kind words.

LadyTexan

Dear Dwck.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I haven't been in your shoes (yet). I imagine it is scary and overwhelming.

You are such a courageous and compassionate caregiver. Your deep love for your DH is obvious in your posts. I am glad you have the hospice angels by your side to comfort you and your dear husband. I am praying that God comfort you both. May He grant you both peace.

I am sending you cyber hugs and love. You are not alone. We are here for you.

-LT

jfkoc

I think you could find a handyman off duty fireman? to build a one step ramp or buy one online. Either way I think it would be well worth the expense. There is no replacement for sitting on a screened porch.

chrisp1653

I agree with jfkoc wholeheartedly . One of the ( many ) things I regret in Barbara's final years was that I did not make a greater effort to take her places. Her beloved beaches. To a restaurant. To the Women's Forum Outlook where we could stare at the mighty Columbia River. She had complete lack of control of both her bladder and her bowels, but I could have done it. I could have packed towels, baby wipes, extra briefs... anything that would have made it harder for me, but given her just that one more little enjoyment.

If there's a way you can let your husband see the ducks and geese, please do it, or else you may find yourself in my position of wishing for something that is no longer possible.

Chris