Mistaken Identity

MelHelp

My dad has a sheet of paper with the names of three of his kids and their phone numbers. He has a lot of difficultly navigating the contact list in his phone hence the paper. Even though my phone number is on the list with my name, Melissa, he will call me and he thinks he is talking to my mom (who passed away just a year ago). Sometimes I can tell that he thinks he is talking to her and will ask if he knows who is talking to (not sure if this is the correct thing to do, but at least he doesn't get upset) and if he says Debbie, I just let him know he is talking to Melissa. I suspect that it occurs more frequently than I realize.

He has LBD so I don't know if it there is a disconnect from what he reads and the way he processes it or if in the moment of looking at the paper he sees a woman's name and thinks its his wife. I know his vision is fine as he recently had his eyes tested. 

Just looking to see if anyone has any possible explanations or thought about letting him know who he is talking to. I'm feeling very much like a fish out of water in this situation.

VKB

This is an extremely hard thing to watch in our loved ones.  We all are fish out of water.

It is probably not a good idea for your father to be alone. If he is confused, he might be a danger to himself, especially in the kitchen.  Check through this subject that has been posted often here by people who know better than me.

I just know from experience with my mother the goal is not to upset our loved ones who are confused.  They won't remember their mistakes so correction is only a very temporary fix. I found out telling my mother her mother passed was too upsetting for her to handle.  You can carefully navigate through what will or will not upset him.

I prayed for you and your father.  Peace always.  

zauberflote

Melissa, I wonder if it's your voice sounding just like your mom? Sometimes PWD will recognize a voice when they don't even recognize the actual person in the room with them. 

When he calls, do you say "hey dad it's Melissa!" first thing? It might clear things up-- or it might scramble them further....

My mom lost her ability to read and comprehend most written material a few years before she died. At that same time, though, she could read aloud beautifully from her Bible during group gatherings. And every so often she'd read a street sign or the like correctly. Someone posted her very recently about a similar phenomenon with her mother-- she can read children's books fluently. 

You'll get more answers soon!

star26

Hi Melissa, I had a similar puzzling mixup with my Dad. He would mix up me and his little sister even though we had zero in common, she lived thousands of miles away, he hadn’t seen her in years, and she even speaks with an accent I don’t have. My thinking is the same as Zauberflote - that there is some other connection or similarity that is creating the connection with your Mom in your Dad’s diseased brain. In my Dad’s case, the only thing I could come up with was that my Dad felt very protective towards both me and his little sister and had a similar adoring and playful relationship with both us. As he became more confused, our names no longer were enough for him to realize his mix-up. Even knowing his sister’s name, he still thought he was her Dad. Usually I didn’t say anything but I told my Aunt to start identifying herself by using her relationship. “Hi Peter, this is your little sister Cindy.” 

Iris L.

You are looking at externals as to why the PWD can't distinguish people.  The PWD can't distinguish people because that part of his brain is damaged (the distinguishing part).  

Iris L