Just so sad - my daddy is in the late stages

a.mon.mor

I'm feeling overwhelmingly heart broken. It's so painful to see him like this. He's sleeping most of the time now. Unable to walk. I miss him so so so soooooooo much and I want to scream because of how much it hurts. I don't know how long this will last and it's agonizing. He was my favorite person. I'm so so sad. Some days I'm ok. Some days like now it just hurts so bad. I don't know how to deal with this pain. I want it to stop. But it doesn't. And hasn't.....for years. God I miss him so much. I just want my daddy back. I wish I would have found a way to spend more time with him in the earlier stages. I didn't know that it would end up like this. I had no idea what we were in for. So naive. Just so sad 

Thanks for reading. Sending you love and light and peace.

French

I don't know how old you are,  how old your dad is, but whatever our age, we stay the son or daughter of our parents and it remains difficult to lose them. I also feel your pain as I feel it for my partner's sons.

You are very smart to share it.

a.mon.mor

He's 72 now. Was diagnosed back in 2014. 7 years ago, I had no idea how this time would end up. I keep myself in a positive mindset most of the time. But when that grief and pain hits.....boy it hurts. I've actually never lost anyone close to me. So I've never had to deal with real grief.

ButterflyWings

Dear a.mon.mor,

I am sorry for your pain and this anticipatory grief we all are facing or will face. I just tried to search some of the book titles I have seen recommended here, to share with you, but didn't have the right Google search terms. Others will come along who have been where you are and can share their wisdom.

The book titles I have seen recommended here include how to come to terms with the end of life -- letting go which is inevitable for all of us but so, so hard as you say. Also, the idea of making peace with our own guilt (which I pray you will not have any more. We didn't cause their dementia, no one can cure it (yet), and we all do the best we can each day despite this horrible, unpredictable disease). And then the idea that with such a destructive, cruel disease as dementia, death can be a welcome relief from lingering and suffering. I know I want to go quickly when my time is up. But we don't get to choose unfortunately, right?

Anyway, I hear and feel your pain. 7 years is a long time, plus we know in hindsight there often were emerging struggles that eventually led to diagnosis so you've likely all be dealing with this even longer than 7 years. He was so young when diagnosed. My DH was 75, but still seems like too early for such a vibrant person to be stricken with something so devastating. And it affects all who love them, for sure. I so hope you can find some comfort from the heartache you are experiencing so excruciatingly right now. We are here for you.

jyssilly

I'm so so sorry for all your pain.  Sending you a big hug.

My dad is 79 and in the mid stages and I can't believe how hard it really is.

a.mon.mor

ButterflyWings. 

Thank you so so so much for your kind words.

a.mon.mor

jyssilly 

If your dad still has something left, see if you can record him. Take some videos get his words and voice captured. Something I wish I would have done earlier. It's too late for me now. I do get smiles though. I try to capture pictures of smiles.

Sending you love