Need Fiblet Suggestion for Mom

Shcg

My mother who is between mid to advance stage alzheimer has been waking up most mornings feeling sad that her parents passed away 40+ years ago. I tried to listen to her but she will usually end up crying because she miss them, and feeling sorry for herself. Sometimes this will continue randomly throughout the day. I don't know how to comfort her and cannot think of any good fiblet to tell her that would be convincing. I think it would be hard for me to tell her that they are still alive since I'm worried that she would want me to take her to see them. I'm looking for some good suggestions to help my mother with this. Thanks so much.

star26

She can only think about one thing at a time so I would change the subject completely and get her involved in another topic or activity. Prepare in advance with some standard lines of new topics to redirect her with. Stop her as soon as she starts, tell her it makes you sad to discuss it, and immediately change the topic with something else that will engage her.

Sjodry

Shcg,

I am always completely honest with these questions about loved ones who are in spirit. When I started this journey a few years ago, my mom and I used to have regular conversations about dying and her death. She would always tell me what a great life she has had and was ready to go when God called her. She would express fear about the actual process of dying. I have spent much of the last 4 years or so studying scholarly articles about the afterlife and what happens when we pass. I would often share info with my mom about what happens when we die, who comes to greet us and freely talk about her reuniting with loved ones after she arrives in heaven. She has often expressed excitement about passing and could I talk to God about whether she could go now. While I have explained that God is the only one who can make that decision, I will give her positive answers about her husband, parents, grandmother, etc. who are in spirit when she asks. For example, if she asks about where her grandmother is or if I have talked to her? I will honestly say, no Ceil (her grandmother) is in heaven, but she always watches you and loves your new haircut..or something like that. 

This approach may not work for everyone. I think because my mom and I have frequently and freely had these afterlife types of conversations for a long time, it is a very normal and non-upsetting exchange when I am honest about a loved one in heaven. I also think this situation is highly dependent upon your loved one’s stage of illness, temperament,etc.

I am sure you will get good suggestions about the best approach to take.

Good luck.

Sandy

Arrowhead

My wife had the opposite problem, believing that her parents were still alive and trying to go home to them. It lasted about a year and a half. Your mother's symptom will probable subside evenually.

Shcg

Thank you everyone for sharing your experience and offering helpful suggestions. I will continue to distract her with different topic or activity when possible. I used to speak to her ablout death maybe 10 years ago but I'm a bit afraid to speak to her about it now since she's in her late 80's. There are times she would tell me that the day will come and no one knows when. However, I will try to approach this area with her after I feel confident with some good explanations that hopefully will help her. Cake and candy also seem to help in difficult situations. Thank you all very much.

ButterflyWings

This is hard. Some here have suggested redirecting by asking about positive memories of the deceased one. "Sounds like you are thinking a lot about xyz person, what is your favorite thing about them? "

I searched for a Teepa Snow video to help you out more (hopefully!) Good luck to you.

Dementia Care Partner Podcast #46: How to Respond When ...

www.youtube.com › watch

 

 

 

 

14:10

Learn Teepa's insights on how to respond when someone asks for a decease parent or spouse.© Positive ...

Feb 4, 2020 · Uploaded by Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care

sunnydove

My mom was constantly asking about her parents (both deceased over a decade ago) so I framed a ton of pictures of them and put them up all over the house. I think it made her feel closer to them and she stopped asking all the time. Every once in awhile she will comment that they are in town or she hasn't seen them in awhile and I'll say we will call them tomorrow or I just heard from your mom and they are on a trip and having fun. I try to keep it light and upbeat. Sorry you're going through this!