Worried about our granddaughter’s visit

Lp57$

Hi everyone!  I am worried about our granddaughter spending the night with us. My DH is very happy to see her and seems to act fine, but we have not been by ourselves with her. She comes to visit once a year out of state and she is 10 yrs old. Our son as explained the situation and she seems to understand some stuff. She asked to spend the night last night and I told her to wait a couple of days. I just don’t want her to see him be ugly to me. I just don’t want her to remember him like that.  Am I being overly worried?  Any suggestions would help??

Cynbar

I am in the same situation, and I sympathize completely, it is such a hard call. I stopped the grand children staying overnight a couple years back. My DH isn't generally ugly towards me, although it can happen. But he sundowns, and some nights he is so unhappy and so fixated on some topic that it is difficult to watch, difficult to put up with. He does take medication which has toned this down but not stopped it. He's not combative or threatening, but he is exhausting. They are 11, 9 and 6, and I have to think of them first.  Luckily 2 of them live an hour away and do come for day visits. This has been one of the biggest losses of dementia for me. I'll follow this thread and see if anyone has any useful ideas.

harshedbuzz

Is your son traveling with your granddaughter?

I wonder if it would be possible for him to stay overnight with his dad while you and the granddaughter have a sleepover at a hotel with a pool?

Ed1937

Although I haven't checked into them, I know there are videos or written words on the internet pertaining to helping kids understand dementia. Not sure if they would be helpful or not for you, but it's worth taking the time to do a Google search for it.

JoseyWales

This is such a hard question to answer. I'll just tell you what I have done, but our grandchildren live just an hour away, so day visits are possible.

I stopped all overnight visits. Partly because my grandchildren stay up until 2 am regularly and I just can't do that. But partly because DH requires SO MUCH of my attention in the evenings that I couldn't do that and be a good grandmother. 

There's nothing wrong with having her over for just the day. Wishing you the best no matter what you decide.

jfkoc

Spending the night out with grams sounds perfect. No pool? Then a movie?

Iris L.

Maria Shriver wrote a book "What's Happening to Grandpa?"

Alz.org had a section for Kids and Teens.  

Iris 

sandwichone123

I think seeing a grandparent's decline can be hard, but it can also be good. My dh and I both saw our grandmothers decline with Alzheimer's and it has been helpful to us in understanding not only this challenge, but also more generally that people have challenges that are difficult that are not visible from the outside.

That said, you know your situation and your grandchild the best. Just another perspective.

Diane

Lp57$

Thank you all for the info!  Me and my DH went to visit my granddaughter at my sons house and I had a great time. We got to go swimming and I enjoyed myself for a change until DH said we needed to get home.  I hate this disease because my DH loved his granddaughter so much!! And of course he was confused on the way home and accused me of some horrible things which I know the brain can’t help it!!  I am glad I got to enjoy my granddaughter and I will be seeing her again because she will only be down until mid July.  Thank ya again!

Jude4037

My husband has been accusing my grandson now 12 of stealing for several yrs.  He accuses me too. Money paranoia is his #1 thing to get angry about. Follows him around to make sure he isn’t taking things. At first I wouldn’t listen it hurt so much,  I’d try to reason but he’d get more angry and say I was taking sides. He has never been one to swear much but he calls me nasty names and the grandson. .At first he wasn’t so obvious about it but now now it’s very ugly. We try to keep them apart as much as possible. It’s upsetting for them both.

If anyone has a clue to help with this I’d appreciate it. 

It is the hardest thing to NOT try to explain things to him. And to lie to keep peace. 

He is the polar opposite of the man he was before. He never raised his voice , the kids say they don’t remember him ever getting angry at them. And he still is very glad to see them but I am the enemy.