A win for me

JoseyWales

Fixations come and go. I know this now. And it seems that when I am just about to pop from going over the same thing over and over.... it ends.

Case in point: DH hasn't driven in almost 3 years. Suddenly he fixated on driving again. From the man who can't figure out how to put a seatbelt on or put the window down. For over 3 weeks he went on and on and on about driving. Hours a day. From the time I got home from work until the time he went to bed. Day after day after day. 

I created a great lie. "DH, it's not me who says you can't drive. It's the doctors. We'll make an appointment and talk to them again." And then when he said who cares what the doctors say, I added that the doctors had told our insurance company and his insurance had been cancelled. 

Well, DH had a doctor's appointment a few days ago. For days leading up to the appointment he could only talk about how he was going to convince the doctor to let him drive. Of course, DH can't create a full sentence on his own, so he told me that I was going to have to tell the doctor. 

Our appointment was to review meds. I had a nice note describing recent behaviors and how new meds were working, plus gave the dr a heads up on the driving fixation. Our doctor is fantastic, talked with DH about why he wanted to drive, and how he could go about being able to drive again (a driving test). Calmed DH down. After 3 weeks of non-stop talking about driving - he hasn't mentioned it in 3 days. (And no change in meds). I'm sure it will come up again before long, but I'm enjoying the calm for now.

Of course the new fixation is that he's not getting enough sex, but at least it's a change in conversation. I need to create some new lies. 

ButterflyWings

HaHAHA! Oh JoseyWales, it sounds like you may be out of the frying pan, into the fire !!!

I was not expecting that turn of events in your post. But congrats on the capital "W"- WIN with respite from the driving fixation. I had forgotten that phase because I never actually told DH he had to give up driving per se. He is WAY too stubborn for me to have proposed that directly. We were rapidly shutting down many dangerous things simultaneously after a very delayed diagnosis. I only mentioned it that he couldn't drive in the freezing rain one day when he was insisting on doing just that, and I actually had to block his car with mine so he couldn't exit around it again, to squeeze out of the garage (driving over the bushes just a little  as he had done, going to the office on Thanksgiving-- he was so determined. Yes, office was closed for the holiday, and yes extended family was there at our house waiting to eat the dinner, and yes, that was one of the things that made them finally say, hmm...maybe there is something wrong after all...). 

I stopped debating driving with him after the first convo when he said "who says I can't?" I reminded him: "Your doctor". DH: "Well I guess I need a new doctor!" That was the same convo when I reminded him about the legal risks with insurance companies and the law about driving with a memory diagnosis yada yada. His response was a 4-letter d-word about what to do with the law. From that day on, "car" things just started disappearing at our house...garage door opener, then car keys (who knew there were 3 spares?), battery (lol), phone# for the mechanic who had come out at DH's request to jump start the dead battery, grr...which was dead because "someone" had intentionally left the car door open and headlights on, in the garage overnight during subzero temps (don't ask me who did that), and finally the car itself just disappeared.) Weeks later, he opened the side door of the garage with a crowbar and alerted me that it "had been stolen". My answer...? Zipped lips, shoulder shrug, puzzled gaze...except I convinced him to let me report it to the local police, as he was preparing to do that himself. 

Man, the hoops we caregivers jump through. Don't ask, don't tell was the only way forward with our driving dilemma. He doesn't know how to work my pushbutton car, and I just have to not leave him in relative's car with the key in the ignition (did that for the last time a few weeks ago with the HUGE surprise of him re-locating the car and himself to a new parking space when I ran in to retrieve his meds -- that was the first time he'd ever done that or really even mentioned driving after 2 years of sitting, enjoying the radio no problem). So, I understand how stressful this fixation must have been for you. I sure hope my DH does not do that.

Anyway, your Dr. sounds like a real gem, and of course your advance prep so they know how to help makes a huge difference. Congrats again! Good luck on the new fabrication project though. Yikes!

Ed1937

Glad you were able to get a win. I think you needed that for some time. About the new fixation ..... well, he is a man.