The Father

Jeff86

A cold and rainy holiday weekend here in the Hudson Valley, and with an aide to stay with my DW, I decided to go see a movie yesterday.  First since Covid.  (The nonprofit art house just reopened, with limited seating—three seats between filmgoers, only alternate rows, masks on for the entire show.)  

Only one movie was showing, and it was The Father.  So it was a bit of a busman’s holiday.  The movie stars Anthony Hopkins as an older man progressing through dementia and Olivia Colman as his daughter, trying to be a caregiver to him.

Most of the issues we here are oh-so-familiar with are dramatized, mostly accurately and skillfully.  The performances are first rate.  The film, at its best, does more than convey the trials and tribulations of someone suffering AD and of someone trying to care for a LO with AD.  But where it really excels is in how it portrays the confusion, the uncertainty, the shifting perceptions of reality for someone suffering from AD.  A  powerful imagining of what AD may be like from the inside.

It also puts the viewer in that state of uncertainty, unsure of what is real and what is hallucinated.

As I drove home, I will confess, I didn’t cry.  I sobbed.  Not for myself.  Not for the terrible and many losses.  Oh, we caregivers do suffer.  But how that pales beside the terror that PWD’s themselves experience, as the world becomes ever less understandable and more threatening.

Tonight, my DW said, “I don’t know anything any more.”  Two days ago, I came home from walking the dog and when I came in the house my DW said, “Who are you?”  That’s bad enough, but I am more heartbroken still when she says, “I don’t know who I am any more.”

60 falcon

The movie sounds interesting and I'm glad you were able to get out to watch it. I don't think I could or would.

Some of the things my wife frequently says are: Who am I? Who are you? Are you my husband? Are you my wife? Where do I belong? I want my life back. Where do I fit in? Where do I sleep? Where's my house? This isn't my house. What did I do? Did I make a mess? Who's your wife? How many kids do you have? I don't have any friends. What's my name?

Guess I should be happy she can still talk.

Ed1937

Jeff, I would watch it, but not with my wife nearby. It seems to be true to life, and I wonder if there is something we could learn from the film. Glad you had a chance to get out for a while.

M1

You are a braver man than I am, Gunga Din. I don't think I could watch it. Can't read anything serious right now either (haven't for a year). But I am glad you got out for a bit.

Crushed

I have to say that after the earliest stage DW , despite being a physician, had no awareness of her future.  she lived only in the present. No past , no future  They had no meaning.  

I compared it to dragons in the Dragon riders of Pern (live only in the present)

French

Yes the director of this movie is French (Cocorico) and I heard lot of very good feedbacks. 

After the diagnosis I watched « still Alice ». I liked it and it was my fist contact with eoad. 

For the moment, I need sport, pubs, sun... movies will be latter

jfkoc

The film has excellent reviews and is available streaming for pay. I will watch it. 

We too often forget how frightening all of this is for the person with dementia and then when we see the resulting behavior forget to understand.

aod326

I agree with everything you said Jeff, including that it's a busman's holiday! Excellent writing and acting. The writer surely must have experienced dementia close up. I did wonder how hard it would be for someone watching who didn't know dementia - would they think it was exaggerated?

And yes, more than anything, it made me realize how terrifying it must be for the PWD.

In spite of the sobbing, I hope you enjoyed your time out of the house.

Paris20

My husband appears to be living in blissful ignorance. He has what is known as anasognosia, not uncommon in Alzheimer’s Disease. It is not denial but rather an inability to know or understand his condition. One of the most difficult aspects of my caregiving experience is that my husband has been my best friend since we were teenagers yet, now that we’re in our 70s, I cannot discuss this very challenging situation with him.

I may watch that film at some point but I don’t think I’d have the fortitude to handle it now, when I’m living it every day. I’m trying to find moments of peace and moments of joy in my life so watching that movie, despite great acting in an emotional story, would put me right back in a blue funk. Incidentally, to Jeff 86, my husband was born and raised in the Hudson Valley.

Jeff86

Great comments.  Crushed, my DW too lives in the eternal present.  Often it appears to be a calm and pleasant place to be, but at times it’s a present filled with fear and lack of understanding.   Jfk, spot on—the point I wanted to make, that you said better.  Paris20, this is a beautiful part of the country.  Photo attached of the fog hanging over the river this morning.

David J

So many depictions of PWDs in books and movies show them as pleasant, clean, happy forgetful people who just need a little help. It’s good to hear that there are realistic portrayals in print and film.

BTW, Jeff, my wife grew up in the Hudson valley and I lived there 46 years ago. We live only an hour and a half away and go there often.  I always like coming over the ridge on I84 and seeing the valley spread out in front of me.  Still listen to WPDH.

mrl

Thank you Jeff, I want to see it, but am afraid. Of course on the flip side,  I cry everyday 

anyway..so how bad could it be?

Michele