OCD about schedules and tasks - bvFTD

Suzy23

Hi all,

My dad was diagnosed with bvFTD in January 2021. He is 77 and lives with my mom quite a long distance from me. I went to visit them for a week in early May.

My dad had insomnia for 25+ years and since then, started going to bed very soon after dinner, so usually around 7:00 to 7:30 p.m. Since his neurologist prescribed him Seroquel in Jan or Feb, he sleeps much better than he had in 15 years before that at least. He usually gets 7 hours of sleep. But he's still very anxious that if he doesn't do things just "right," he may have trouble falling asleep. 

He has a lot of repetitive and obsessive habits and obsession with schedules. This one in particular is leading to a lot of difficulty and stress for my mom. 

She makes his dinner and serves it. He eats the dinner, then immediately wants to execute about 3 tasks that have always been "his" to do after dinner. He takes the compost out, brings the dogs in, sweeps the kitchen floor, then brushes his teeth, takes the Seroquel, and goes to bed. If anything disturbs this sequence, he gets anxious and at times, angry.

So a lot of the time, she doesn't even get a chance to eat dinner. He pretty much chases her out of the kitchen. I've talked through every possible thing I can think of with her on working around him, but she says none of it works. I have suggested the following, and she has rejected them:

- She eats in a different room or eats after he goes to bed

- She eats before him

- He switches to sweeping the floor in the morning, or before she starts cooking

- She serves him earlier

- She invents additional tasks for him to do right after dinner but before he sweeps, so she gets a few minutes to eat

- Take out food or frozen dinners

- Hire someone to come help at dinnertime

- Go out herself an evening or two per week

 I have stressed that she should make things that are easy and don't require a lot of dishes, which she says she is now doing. But it's not enough. So now she is going to ask the neurologist about giving him something right before dinner. Maybe that will help, but I could also see it leading to him nodding off during dinner. 

If anyone has any ideas, I would be grateful.

Fairyland

It sounds really hard work.

No direct experience of this, but my feeling is you need to cross out every option that involves him changing his routine. 

Why does she have to eat when he does? Lots of families don’t, mine doesn’t. Maybe change to mindset around that. your mom is going to be more able to change I imagine and it will be better for her in the end.

Rockym

It sounds as if your dad may need an SSRI to help with his OCD behaviors.  He is trying to have some control over his life, but it sounds like it is hurting both your mom and him.  Perhaps if these impulses can be mellowed now, they won't escalate as time goes on.