Awfully tough day

Bhopper

Today was another one of those that makes me think I can’t do this alone anymore! Then I read the thread from crushed and decided I am not done yet but wow what a day 3:15 AM started with prepping clothes breakfast and time allotment in order to try to offset the morning rage. Did not work. All of you know the path that can be left when LO is roaming from room to room removing items that you get to replace later. The day was filled with all the things I won’t do for her and her anger about Helper coming to the house. Breakfast lunch dinner and afternoon shopping don’t count. Sorry I wasn’t gonna gripe. 

Stuck in the middle

Don't apologize.  Your life would teach the preacher to curse.

I won't speak for Crushed, but your life is worse than mine in one significant way.  DW doesn't know the month or the day, but she doesn't rage.  I don't know if I could walk the path you are on.

Paris20

Bhopper, I know how you feel. My husband’s Alzheimer’s symptoms are increasing, as expected, but frightening. The night rages, the shadowing, the incessant répétions...well, I’m sure you all know what I mean. The reason I’m writing is that I thought I could do everything myself. Despite the unsolicited advice to get help, I soldiered on. I became so sick that I wound up in the hospital. 

My kids helped me find a wonderful caregiver. I’m spending my rainy day retirement funds but it’s better than paying medical bills. I joined an online support group and the neurologist increased my husband’s anti-depressant. DH doesn’t want an aide but every time he balks I just tell him we both need the help. When he walks in on my weekly Zoom support meeting, I quietly tell him it’s private and will be with him soon. When he asks where his car keys are, I tell him they’re in the house somewhere, not exactly a lie. The extra set is well-hidden out of his reach.

I never want to be as sick as I was when I was hospitalized. My advice (unsolicited) is get help, whatever is available and whatever you can afford. Alzheimer’s can come on slowly yet descend precipitously, without your even realizing how bad things have become. Take care everyone.

Crushed

I have said many times that many people have had a worse path than I have had. I was always the "homemaker"  for DW .  Cooking, laundry, shopping, house repairs were always my job. When she got sick I was already Emeritus . 

   
In the early years I added fighting for DW "financially"   using my legal skills and getting her disability approved. In the middle years we traveled a lot as she declined. Finally I could not keep her safe at home.  But all that time she was a loving caring human being.

The pain was HER disappearing in front of me.   sometimes in the lab we washed clothes until the dye was gone and the clothes were gray.  That is how it felt.  She has had no color for three years. 

So those of you who have it worse you have my support, sympathy and understanding