Any guesses as to what stage she's really in?

Ginsamae

MIL is really starting to get to me. I am ready for this transition to Sib #1 to take place, but that's still about a month away. I've been discussing MIL's current status with my oldest daughter who is an SICU nurse and, admittedly, has little experience with dementia except what she was exposed to in nursing clinicals. Oldest daughter feels that MIL is probably a stage 2-3 but I think she's closer to a 4-5; do any of you have a guess as to where MIL may be? Here's a list of what I've seen lately:

confusion as to time, day of week, and occasionally, the season 

inability to remember current national/world events

inability to remember recent (within minutes) conversations

mixing up stories - times, people, etc

withdrawing from social settings even with people she knows well

no longer checking bank account balances

increased time spent on Amazon shopping and on Facebook

inability to remember passwords or locate them in her password book

will mix up family members - saying one grandson is the child of a different set of parents

forgetting more distant relatives

increased inability to name items (ex KFC is the "bucket chicken place")

keeps numerous lists of family birthdays, anniversaries, etc

getting ready for day in a different order - putting on makeup, then taking a shower

wandering from room to room looking for items delivered from Amazon - though they are on the porch she doesn't look there

will occasionally cry for no apparent reason

Any help will be appreciated!

harshedbuzz

Given that you are the primary caregiver, you probably know best.

I wonder if your older DD is using the 3 stage model many neurologists use rather than the 7 stage one families tend to use. 

Comparing these two 7 stage models-

Reisberg's Seven Stages of Alzheimer's Disease (alzheimersdisease.net) 

Stages of Dementia Dr. Tam Cummings

She sounds a solid stage 5 given difficulty in word recall, false beliefs/accusations, confusion around family members, but like I said, you know best.

HB

glitterqueenscare

Well, it's hard to say without being present in person.  

A doctor told me once to watch for what they forget without realizing or awareness.  For instance, the fact that she knows she should keep lists to remember things better is a sign to me that she might be less advanced then someone who is totally unaware they may forget family member details or where they placed an online order.  Just having the cognition to place an online order would be remarkable in a stage 5 IMO.  In stage 4/5 my parents both started losing an ability to dress themselves without assistance and lost an awareness of where they were like not recognizing their home all the time, etc.

I would say 3 possibly going to a 4 maybe at most but your best way would be to get her to a doctor and have them do a cognitive status test, they were spot on in determining where both my Father and Mother have been in their progression.

I understand the frustration, my Mom is stage 6c and going for a couple of nights with a caretaker this weekend so I can get a break.  It is soul crushing at times.....

Quilting brings calm

I think the two of you are using different models.  I use the 7 stage list of symptoms.   Your MIL sounds like a stage 4 moving towards 5 to me- just like my Mom.  Stage 3s on the 7 stage model can still live alone, their doctors can’t really tell, only close friends and family can.  

I know she’s on various medications and has various doctors.  Have they started looking to you or your husband to flesh out details or to describe symptoms at visits?  That’s one way to tell that the doctors know she’s having issues. Another is to just ask.

This is my stage guide for my Mom.  Scrolling the chart to the right gives you descriptions and average  durations.  

https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/aboutdementia/facts/stages/

Ginsamae

DH always goes to the doctor with his mother and the doctor has always asked DH to tell him what is really going on - MIL says that there's nothing wrong with her. The neurologist hasn't made a formal diagnosis but her testing last year indicated significant short-term memory issues and we've noticed her long term memory isn't that hot anymore either. All of her medical team are very aware that she has dementia.

MIL does know that she has a password book and will look through it frequently, but she'll write random password changes anywhere in the book - so if she's looking for her bank password she'll type the one that is written under her bank info though when she last changed it she wrote the password by itself on a blank page - so of course she doesn't recognize it. 

She also has lists of family birthdays and anniversaries but we have found that she's got the wrong day/month on many of them so random birthday/anniversary cards show up unexpectedly.

She will order off of Amazon frequently - her desktop has it a favorite and she stays logged in so she doesn't have to remember the password. We've noticed that she will order birthday gifts and then a couple days later order more because she's forgotten she's ordered it. 

I've felt for a while that she's a solid stage 4 with some stage 5 symptoms popping up every once in a while. I *think* she may have urinary incontinence once in a while. She will sometimes get up to go to the restroom quickly, then will go to her room and then back to the restroom. It doesn't happen often but I have noticed it a couple times in the last month.

sandwichone123

It's really common for family to think the patient is at a much lower stage than the people who are providing the day-to-day care.

harshedbuzz

dianewesner wrote:

It's really common for family to think the patient is at a much lower stage than the people who are providing the day-to-day care.

Amen to this. 

lizziepooh

Hi Ginsamea,

It sounds like to me like your mother in law is at stage 5 and this is the most dangerous stage I think.

She is at the stage that she will lose stuff trying to hide and/or protect it.

I suggest you get her out of the house so you can spend the day figuring out how to protect her from herself. Get a copy of every document and login. Figure out all her bills and Know how her bills are paid and document this stuff. Set up auto payments and paperless billing. She is going to lose knowledge of this stuff if she has not already. You have to do this.

Good luck. Sucky stage but you need to take control or real damage can be done.

Ginsamae

Hi Lizzipooh - I actually laughed (thank you for that!) when I read about getting a handle on her bills - she, quite literally, has only 1 bill and that is to DH for her monthly cell phone. She has nothing else as she paid off her credit card several months ago and she has no other assets/liabilities. Her Amazon account is tied to her bank account so funds are drafted directly from there. While I know that her Amazon spending needs to be, if not completely stopped, then dramatically cut back, I am at this point eternally grateful that she is destitute and has no other assets to draw on for her spending so there isn't much that could be lost in the event of a scam.

You are right, though, this stage is really sucky. She is too far along to have any sort of real independence, but not far enough along for DH to flat out take her bank account away from her (no DPOA or even a diagnosis) as she is still mentally aware enough to know that it's HER account and she still knows how to write a check and address an envelope. 

As she'll be transitioning to Sibling #1's care in July for the next year we're going to be working with them - sharing what we know and the resources we have - to help them with her care.

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harshedbuzz

Victoria2020 wrote:

If you closed the browser "while dusting" won't that log her out? I've fav'd Amz and have to log in when I shut the browser everyday for refreshes (removing cookies ) etc.

This is where I am. When an electronic device is potentially putting a PWD in danger, it needs to be disabled or disappeared. Log her out, change the amazon password, change the wifi password, slip it into airplane mode, pour a 16 oz Coke onto the keyboard. Whatever it takes. 

lizziepooh

Hi Ginsamea,

I am glad that her bills (or should I say bill) are simple.

I think it is also nice that your MIL will go live with another child soon. 

If nothing else, your husband will soon see his mom needs more care. I really believe that.

I wish you well.