mother in law and I struggling to live together

Lana Kay

Hi everyone, 

I wanted to make a post today to see if anyone has any tips for living with a mother in law (MIL) with early onset alzheimer's which has quite recently progressed.

Covid restrictions have taken away her day centre activities and she seems to be really struggling. The family are helping her to access social space and a painting class online but these just don't seem to be the same. In fact, speaking to people on the computer seems to be causing her a lot of confusion between real people on a platform like zoom and recordings of people on the TV and pictures. 

Apart from her online courses, she goes to her sister's house for a few hours most days and lives with me and my partner and her dog.

My MIL seems to be progressing rapidly and I am sure the restrictions of Covid are making things much worse for her. Unfortunately this is making her pretty impossible to share a home with. She takes all of my things out of the bathroom, all of my clothes out of the laundry basket and drier. I have started locking my things away so that she can not take them as I am too embarrassed to keep showing up to work without brushing my teeth/doing my hair because I can not find my stuff. On top of that we have had to start locking the front door as she is not able to find her way around outside anymore. I am also working and studying a lot from home since Covid, a change that myself and my partner have tried to explain to her but I am not sure that she understands. This has meant that I have had to start locking the living room door 3 times a month as she keeps walking in and demanding that I let her out of the front door immediately. I am not only finding these incidents stressful and upsetting, but it is quite humiliating to be screamed and sworn at in front of my co-workers. Last week I ended up in the hospital with a suspected stroke because it was all just too much for me.

My partner and I are trying to create a space in the house other than the living room for me to work. However, locking cupboards and draws to hide our things away also seems to be really upsetting her, which I can understand because I am sure it would really get me irate too. Do other people have to do this? Is there another way?

We don't spend much fun time together. My MIL hates to go outside because she finds it cold so we can't go walking or do gardening and says that she finds indoor activities like painting / knitting boring. This means we only really sit down to eat and watch TV together, an activity that is becoming increasingly difficult because she spends most of the time making rude comments about the food and everyone else's weight. 

I am hoping if we can find some nice covid-friendly things to do together things might improve and if she is a bit happier she might have some nicer things to say. Does anyone have any fun activities that are not too complicated to do? I have ordered a game of picture bingo, so I am thinking things like that?

What do people do when they share space with someone who has alzheimer's but doesn't want to acknowledge it? We have tried to sit down and explain why we are locking some things away but I am not sure if these conversations are just causing more upset? How can I make my needs less painful for her, is there a way?

aod326

Hi Lana

Sounds like you're dealing with a whole lot. First of all, how is your health now, after your hospital visit?

This "Younger Onset AD" board is not frequently used, so you'll be better off posting this in the Caregiver board. That way you'll get a lot more suggestions. What you've described are all very common behaviors, sadly. You'll find a huge amount of practical suggestions and support on these message boards, so I'm glad you've found it.

See you over on the Caregiver board!

laughing

I gave my brother our dining room since we only used it mostly holidays at that time. We painted it put French doors on and put a loveseat his bed his painting and small desk so it felt more like his studio apartment and even had a dorm size refrigerator. We knocked before we came in and it worked well.