Taking her on family vacation

Ted&Dawn

So my wife and I are new caregivers for my Aunt who has early Alzheimer’s. Every year our family has vacationed in the north woods of Michigan. My aunt has loved these trips in the past. Now her condition is really kicking in. We’d love to take her with us this year...might be her last...thinking it might be good for her, good memories, beautiful peaceful north woods surrounded by loving family (currently she lives alone far from family). Thoughts and advice?

Quilting brings calm

If she’s still early stage and capable of living alone, she will probably be fine and really enjoy it.  Although she may get a little confused later in the day since she will be in unfamiliar surroundings. 

How will she get there and back.  ?  Traveling alone may be a problem.

Is there someone to help her pack?  Organizing for a trip might be stressful and she might forget a few things. 

Edited to add/ re-read your post and caught the fact that you were caregivers for her.  So my questions might be moot as you must be local to her. 

Ted&Dawn

Fair questions given minimal details in my post. So we are long distance caregivers (at this point, moving her into our home in a couple months...that’s another different round of questions). So we were thinking that we’d arrive a day before departure, help her pack, reassure her objections (certain she’ll say no) and then we’ll drive to her with us.

Iris L.

PWDs (persons with dementia) get lost in the woods.  Make sure you take strong precautions. Don't leave her alone.  Can you provide more information?  I doubt she will remember this trip.  

Iris L.

Rescue mom

My last trips with my DH, early in Alzheimer’s, were not good for either of us. My big mistake was assuming he could do all the things he did at home, when away from home.

That was very, very wrong. He could not find the bathroom or bedroom closet (in a two-room “suite”, could not get himself a drink or snack, could not recognize refrigerator, or any utensils, could not operate toilets or faucets (not unusual or fancy, just different). Many other things.

He could not go to the car, around a corner from the room, without getting lost. Nor could he find his way back to the room from a nextt-door restaurant.

He was generally agitated in the different surroundings, even though we’d been there many times before, and had travelled all over the world before that. (Turned out he did not remember past trips to this place, although he said earlier he did.)

I knew I had to pack and navigate and other things, but I was Not at all prepared for how he could not do so many things he did at home.  It was not fun for him, and I was beyond exhausted. The only good thing was that he forgot the whole trip a couple days after we got home, and he went back to regular functioning at home.

 Since you have multiple helpers, that should help a lot. This is just my experience. I wish I had known in advance that such losses often happen on trips. It just never occurred to me beforehand.

jfkoc

Look forward to the best ...prepare for the worst which could include cutting the vacation short.

LicketyGlitz

So much good advice already but I'll kick in my two cents anyway!

We took my mom EVERYWHERE, Ted&Dawn, until we started discovering the things she could no longer handle. For instance, overnights at my aunts house was in monthly rotation until the last one where she just lost it during sundowners, so we scaled back to day trips and continued those up until she died. When she was midstages we took her on a 3-day cruise that was stressful for us all, but also holds amazing memories for us now that she's gone. We didn't do it again, but I'm glad we did it then.

I think you've got a good plan to get her there. Just remember to zig when dementia zags on you while on vacation. It won't be the easy vacay you're used to, but I think you're spot on when you anticipate some moments of joy and peace for her. Hopefully a ton of 'em, just sluff off the tough stuff and have one last fling.

And if it goes well, try it again until you run up against that dementia wall that tells you it's truly a thing of the past!

Happy travels to you all! And if it can't be happy, at least not too miserable.

zauberflote

T&D, you've heard from the experts here! It could work, until it didn't, or it could be as Lickety relates about that 3-day cruise. 

My mother, for whom I became a long-distance caregiver, turned down two planned trips to the Holy Land, once because the tour was cancelled due to the touchy political ambiance, and once we don't know why. Evidently the wanderlust came back!-- Early in dementia she conceived a desire to go to Greece, at age 88 or 89. Bro and I thought we could handle that, and I did an awful lot of research-- kinda fun to easily find well-established professional helpers for all sorts of travel accommodations!. Then Mom became dehydrated one summer afternoon, and what should have been a simple AL-to-ER-to-AL trip morphed into nine weeks from hell. Two hospitals, serious hospital delirium, physical decline like the 1929 crash,  and a long rehab. Bro and I looked at each other over the 500 miles that separates our home towns, and said, what if we had had to do all of that hellishness in Greece, IN GREEK? Plans scuttled. Day trips only from then on.

You won't have a language barrier if something should go terribly wrong. Be prepared! Sounds like you will have lots of helpers, and you may make some lovely memories for yourselves, and auntie may have some wondrous peaceful moments, but for her, given the nature of dementia, the memories may not be formed as you hope. 

Ted&Dawn

Great thoughts and advice everyone. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Yes we will have many capable helpers on the trip: both our adult daughters (one of whom is a nurse practitioner) and their husbands along with my wife’s mother...and then there’s the 6 grandchildren who just adore their Auntie. But we hear you, no success guaranteed, it could be a bust and need to cut short. I think we’re all prepared mentally for that and willing to strive for as many blissful moments as possible. She was a dear sweet loved lady and deserves anything good we can facilitate for her. That said, keep the thoughts and advice coming...Lord knows we need it !

BrownSparrow

I live 3 states away from my parents and drove up to bring them to my house from Christmas. I hadn't seen them in a year because of Covid. I'm really not sure what stage my dad is. He was diagnosed with VD two years ago.

It was a bad Christmas. He would get lost trying to find the bathroom. He got very agitated and kept asking whose house he was in and why he was there. Accused us of selling his house and moving him against his will. Wouldn't believe anything we said. Every morning he would pack his suitcase to leave. I got zero sleep because I was paranoid he would walk out the door in the middle of the night. I ended up driving them home early. 

As painful as it was, it opened my eyes to a lot, including how in denial my mother is about the situation and that if anything was going to get done, I was going to have to take the lead.

That said, I don't want to discourage you from taking your trip. Everything might turn out great and you'll never know until you try.