Another sleepless night for me

Quilting brings calm

How many of you have sleepless nights because you are worried about your LO?  Or because you feel overwhelmed by this diseas?  

My spouse and I took a two night trip. I told  the office manager at the ASL about it but I asked her not to tell my parents. Telling them just guarantees they will sabotage it by having some issue or other.  I called them Monday( the day we left ) and checked in.  Mom called back twice in 15 minutes with this, that, and the other thing. 

Tuesday Mom called me before I got a chance to call her.  Her question: could she and Dad live separately?  Seriously, I’m supposed to answer that on the phone out of the blue?  The answer is No - the same  as it’s been for a year now. first, they can’t afford two places, second, Dad will think he can live in a regular house, ( he can’t), third-their 57th anniversary is this month and fourth - she has a meltdown if she is left alone in the ASL apartment for more than an hour.  That was the actual problem.  Dad went on an errand. She didn’t want to go.,,, but she was upset that he went without her. 

So now it’s 1:40 ( Eastern time) on Wednesday morning, we are in the hotel for the last night of our stay, my spouse is asleep and I’m wide awake.  Contemplating my failure to adequately care for two 80+ year olds. 

lizziepooh

My most sleepless nights have been stressed induced. But getting away helps. At least for me but not for you...

The difference I think is I kept myself away from what was causing me stress, you seem to encourage it. Not good.

lizziepooh

Why did you let your mom call you? You knew what would happen. You knew it when you gave the ASL your number. Why not let yourself get away? What is so wrong with that?

lizziepooh

Sorry. Did not mean to sound heartless. If you can believe it, I was aiming for a softer tone. Lol!

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Quilting brings calm

Lizzie-  don’t worry about your tone, you sound like me when I’m talking to myself. LOL.

It’s my normal cell phone.  If I don’t answer it, she will just keep calling and work herself into a real meltdown while she’s doing so. Something I try to avoid because then the director will call me.    I’ve got a doctor appointment for her for next week.  Hoping the doctor will adjust her medication as her anxiety and depression is getting worse. I also think she’s in stage 5 now even though she is still selecting her own clothing more or less appropriately. ( Not always fully clothed inside their apartment).  

Victoria -  you are definitely hitting the mail on the head.   I do feel like I am sinking.  Their doctor is not my doctor, but  I do plan on telling him just that and ask him if there is someone  he can recommend to help me tweak their care somehow.  I know that sounds vague but I need someone to look over my shoulder and help me plan for plan B.  Plan B is complicated by my Dad who won’t give me a DPOA( I do have medical POA), hasn’t been diagnosed with dementia,  and  who will deliberately be difficult about his own living situation when we need to place Mom in a nursing home.  I don’t see MC in her future because the money will quickly go poof when she needs separate care than him. We will need to get her on Medicaid.  Her own income is less than $1000 monthly.  It’s just dividing the cash in the bank account between them  then. 

marisol56

Hi I am new to this forum just reaching out to connect my screen name marisol56 mom lives with me I can use like minded support thats all.  how come my spell check doesnt work here but its showing me my missed spellings?? any ideas...lol

John2.0.1

I don't have sleepless nights over this. And perhaps ironically because my house phone forward rings to my cell.

My mom will never call be after 8pm and has never called before 10am.

Her calls have reduced because her paranoia has (finally) reduced (Seroquel) and because she has troubles dialing the phone. (I have decided not to get her a one-button phone dialer because her calls are not emergencies) Her calls are typically about her delusion that she's not in her room though she is calling on her land line so I know she's in her room. I can usually assure her that she's OK in a minute. Or she's worried that she has an appointment tomorrow and needs to know. Again, quick calls. She can't do long calls.

But having my land line forward ring to my cell assures me that if there is a true emergency either in the middle of the night or if I'm not at home, the facility can get me on the phone regardless.

So I feel confident about taking vacation for several separate weeks this summer in Maine because I don't need to worry that if a true emergency does come up that they won't be able to get me.

lizziepooh

Quilting brings calm wrote:

If I don’t answer it, she will just keep calling and work herself into a real meltdown while she’s doing so. 

Oh yes, I am well familiar with meltdowns. I can see why you would answer your phone then. Totally get it.

Quilting brings calm

The two nights/three days away did both my spouse and I some good. The event that my spouse wanted to go attend turned out to be much less than anticipated. The town it was in was small and the only recreation was for boaters.  We  didn’t do much all afternoon  except eat out the day we were actually there… but that was actually ok. We stopped at a water park on the way home.  Got in for half price due to our ‘advanced age’. LOL.  Perfect since all we did was the lazy river and the wave pool. Left our phones in the locker.

lizziepooh

Sounds heavenly.