Phone calls?

JoseyWales

DH is very social, and thrives when he's around people. I do everything I can to make that happen. But, we all know how this disease progresses. He's no longer able to have conversations with others that make any sense. Everyone we know is so great about it, and tries to involve him in the conversations. It's usually the other person and I talking, with DH adding to the conversation when he can.

But now he wants to call people on the phone. He can't hold a conversation. When talking with his dad the other day he actually put the phone on the counter and walked away. 

Anyone else ever go through this? What did you do? Of course my go-to is "You just called and left a message, they'll call back," when he hasn't actually called. And he has some family members who are great at holding one sided conversations. All his old friends are usually kind on the phone - but I don't know if I should continue to let him call them, or not. I want to keep those lines of friendship open!

Ed1937

Hi Josey. This is the first time I've seen this question. But I'll give you my opinion. If he really can't keep a conversation going that makes sense, it will not be long before the friends disappear, depending on how often he calls. People are typically very supportive, but when they are put in a position where they are uncomfortable, .... well, you can fill in the blank. I think it's good to set strict limits on him calling. Maybe he can keep the friendship going. Good luck.

French

Josey, I think we are about at the same stage.

When my partner is alone (not often now), if he has his phone charged, he calls, me, friends or family members (and once the firemen). It can be at 7 AM ! I let him. He never ask me to help him even if he is less and less able to do it.

 His brother often call using the video agenda we have. Often I notice that he can leave the room before the end of the call. Most of the time he ends the conversation quickly or ask several times « and you, how are you ? »

I think you can let him.

Iris L.

Pre-Covid I had attended an Alzheimer's Disease support group for about three years.  I began to observe that the others were becoming less able to carry on a conversation.  I have cognitive impairment, not AD.  I had planned to withdraw from the group but Covid intervened.  As someone said above, it is not fulfilling to converse with a person who cannot converse.

What I would suggest is this.  Since your husband is sociable, hire a caregiver to engage him in less verbal activities.  These can be talking walks, raking leaves, doing home tasks such as putting something together, making a sandwich and so forth.  There are lists of activities for PWDs.  

Iris

JoseyWales

Thanks for all the different views. It really helps me. 
Ed - I know you're right about people being uncomfortable. I'm going to do what I can to stop calls to friends from now on. I know we're to the point where even visits from friends are difficult for them.  I'm thinking that I'll still let him call family, when he wants. Hopefully this phone call phase passes soon.

French - I think our husbands are in similar spots. Mine can no longer make phone calls, though. For some reason dialing phones and using tv remotes went really early. He wants me to dial each time, so at least I can manage when the calls go out.

Iris - Your idea of someone for him to talk to is a good one. I already have some support that comes from time to time, and we get out lots. 

I'm lucky that I have family that allows us to visit regularly and live only a mile away. DH's family is also beginning to step up and help with more visits. Plus, DH and I go out daily shopping, walking, or to eat. He always finds someone to say hi to, and just that is enough for him now. But that only lasts for a short time. 15 minutes later he feels like he's not talked to anyone in days.

French

My partner is occupied every day and see people while I am working

Monday morning speech therapist, afternoon paid caregiver

Tuesday paid caregiver + daycare 

Wednesday daycare

Thursday hiking with friends in the morning and speech therapist the afternoon 

Friday daycare

At the hiking he speaks less and less with the others. He was very social but begin to isolate himself.

The summer holidays will soon begin and we will have less activities (nothing on Monday and Friday) He will be less stimulated and will certainly be bored... I have no solution, I will have to work

Memphisdee

I can’t imagine having to work and juggle all his activities. My husband is also depressed but hoping meds will kick in soon  

Funny you mentioned phone and tv remote.we had the same situation. I do all the dr calls.  Who knew I’d be in charge of remote and figuring out how to get Netflix and cast. 

He did call a friend yesterday and cancelled his golf game. That’s going too!