Regular trips to nearby family members for LO in MC facility

Corsn1

My DW and I are full time caregivers for her father, who lives with us. He had recently had some incidents that had brought us to begin exploring MC facilities.   My DW has HC POA, but her sister has financial POA.  In visiting a couple of facilities with DW and her 2 sisters, the sisters were adamant about being able to pick him up one afternoon/evening per week, take him to their home for dinner, then bringing him back (which they do now).  My DW and my feeling on this is that they don't want to spend one minute in a MC facility, but they want to see their dad regularly, of course. 

 My question is:  how common a practice is this for LO's in MC facilities?   I'm sure it depends on how advanced the disease is, which I can't exactly answer.  I can say that he does still remember who his immediate family members are, but his recollection of some of the names of the grandchildren are fading, plus he has a few recurring narratives where one of his daughters took her own life (no idea where that came from) and others where he is moving to another daughters house, etc.   Is there an industry standard for measuring how advanced the disease is, as far as cognitive function? 

King Boo

It can have something to do with stage - but even within that there can be wide variation in how a PWD responds to a change in scenery.

Most commonly, an interruption in their routing is upsetting and such an outing eventually (but not always) becomes counterproductive.

WWID?   Following a period of adjustment for Dad, (which can last weeks to months) when taking him out of the facility could torpedo his adjustment, as HCPOA, I would allow it 1.  provided it was a benefit to him and he enjoyed it and 2. did not create issues for his caregivers upon returning.    As HCDPOA, I would be in attendance occasionally for these dinners to moniter this.

However, all it will take is one epic meltdown or period of agitation to cure the sisters of this, so the matter can take care of itself. 

The information section of this website has information on stages; also, Fischer's stages of alzheimers presents a detailed view.

John2.0.1

Covid-19 issues aside, by my limited knowledge I think that it's a pretty common thing to do when the person in MC can still handle it and not become too confused. But I expect that as the dementia worsens that the change of location will start to become very confusing and that will cause agitation and anxiety and more confusion. You and your sisters probably need to be aware that at some point the negatives will outweigh the positives and they will need to accept that they will need to have their visits at the MC.

The extra benefit to visiting at the MC is that there will be more eyes on staff, more staff aware that family is involved, and more eyes on how he manages at the MC. As dementia advances things can change rapidly in terms of behaviors and needs and an involved and knowledgable family is important to the evolving care needs.

Quilting brings calm

Agree to it.  The visits will stop on their own as 1. he becomes more resistant to going and 2.  It becomes more difficult on the sisters to transport him and deal with him during the visit. 

Agree to whatever you need to to get him in MC.  Deal with the details later. 

Stuck in the middle

I did that with my mother for five years.  In addition to my frequent visits to the NH, there were visits to my home, lunches in cafes, walks in the park.  Actually, the same things we did when she lived in her home minus the trips to the grocery store.  Good times.

Eventually, she didn't want to go.  She enjoyed my visits tho.

zauberflote

Corsn, hello! I think somewhere on this website but not the forums is/are a/some link/s to a couple of ways of gauging cognitive decline. I hope somebody can give you links; my phone just plain won't do it.  

When Mom was in her apartment, free and happy, I'd take the kids on vacation in the summer to visit Gran and some cousins. Mom came to visit our house a few times, until we moved to a house with no guest room. When she moved to AL, she wasn't driving any more, but was carried to church twice a week or more by her friends. I visited monthly for a couple of days, and we'd go on all kinds of field trips, sometimes only to my hotel for a meal in the room. Our last field trip of any length was to an art museum she knew well. She enjoyed it very much, but was exhausted when we got back to AL. (So was I!!)

When she moved to my city and MC, I'd take her out a couple of times/week. It was impossible for her to climb the steps to the living level of our house, but we ate out, went to concerts, movies, my church, a church at which I regularly performed couple of times. Coffee, a drive, sit by the river when in flood, the botanical gardens... eventually these became too much for her so we stayed at the MC. I'd say that there's a chance that the sisters can be successful with their suppers for a time, all depending on what state he was in on return to MC, and repercussions if any. 

terei

My mom had several outings a week til about 8 months before she died.  I think it’s fine that they want to bring him home to spend time with them, as long as it does not cause him to become agitated or upset.

It will come to a point that it is no longer feasible due to fall risks, overwhelming confusion, or reluctance on dad’s part.

The sisters will stop taking him out when it is no longer working for him and/or them.  I dont see it as them not wanting to be at the facility, but wanting him to have outings.  It may or may not work out, but they have to discover that themselves

Rockym

I took my mom out of her MC every Friday for a sushi lunch and a stroll around some shops.  Even going through Walgreens or CVS was a treat for her.  We'd buy some chocolate mints, toiletries, etc.  Mom loved going out and although her memory would only hold in a 5 minute pattern, darn if she didn't recall each and every Friday that I was on my way.

I would visit other times too and just push her wheelchair around to a store or two for a change of scenery, but Friday was written in stone.