54th Wedding Anniversary

White Crane

Thursday was our 54th wedding anniversary.  I had the day all planned to make it a good day for both DH and for me.  For lunch, I planned to order from Red Lobster and pick it up curbside.  It is hard for DH to eat out; the menus are too confusing and he doesn't enjoy it.  After lunch, I planned to take DH for a ride and stop for ice cream before coming home...DH loves ice cream.  Then we would play rummy for the rest of the afternoon.  We often spend the afternoon this way.  DH enjoys it and he can still play quite well.  Supper would be sandwiches.  We would watch a movie in the evening until bedtime.  At the end of the day, we would climb into bed and tell each other goodnight and "I love you."  Doesn't that sound like a nice day?  Well, that's not the way the day turned out.  Of course, DH didn't know it was our anniversary or even which one...I expected that.  When he saw the menu and prices for Red Lobster online, he refused to order anything because it cost more than $5.00.  Ok, I cooked us a couple of pork chops and heated up some leftover potatoes and green beans.  DH ate the pork chop and a few green grapes.  The rest was thrown out since it had been heated a couple of times.  We did go for a ride.  We stopped for ice cream and again DH refused to order anything because it cost more than a dollar.  At home, we played rummy and he won.  He was grumpy toward evening and would only eat a bowl of cereal for supper.  He slept through the movie on TV.  At the end of the day, we climbed into bed and told each other goodnight and "I love you."  Looking back, the day wasn't so bad.  I was disappointed and sad but not angry at him.  Sigh.  Lesson learned: don't get too hung up on planning.  Keep everything simple.

David J

White Crane, I’ve posted about some of our special days:  how I prepared Thanksgiving dinner without acknowledgement, how our anniversary and birthdays passed with failed efforts at celebration. It hurts but isn’t unexpected. We want some normalcy in this abnormal existence. I admire your eventual acceptance and appreciation for what good there was in the day.

June45

White Crane, your husband not wanting to spend over $5 on dinner and $1 on ice cream actually made me smile. I guess you weren't smiling at the time!  My husband can't read menus anymore so I wouldn't have that problem.   Our anniversary was this past Wednesday.  I chose to ignore it which made it easier for me.  Last year I asked my 2 sisters to please not wish me a "happy anniversary" anymore.  They understood and have honored my wishes. To me is just a reminder of what we have lost.

Beachfan

Our 53rd anniversary was Tuesday. Nothing planned, no celebrating anticipated.  DD made “summer pasta” and we ate by the pool, dodging raindrops.  DH didn’t last long, he was “cold” in the 90+ heat.  DIL had never seen our wedding album, so I fished it out of a deep, dark closet and we had some memories and a few chuckles.  Later I rummaged in the closet and found a box of mementos from long ago.  Our first grocery store receipt ($35.00- - nothing over $1.00), a receipt for the wedding flowers ($95.00), an itemized receipt for our Jamaican honeymoon ($37.00/night, all inclusive).  At the bottom of the box I found a long, newsy letter from a Canadian couple we had befriended in Jamaica, married on the same day and honeymooning as well.  We planned to visit them in Canada; they would visit us in the US; we would rendezvous in Jamaica- - never happened.  Eventually we lost touch.  Feeling nostalgic, I decided to try to reconnect and googled them the next morning.  I found her obituary- - gone since 2019.  Now I am sad and it has nothing to do with Alzheimer’s.

Stuck in the middle

Our 54th  is coming up on June 15.  I guess if we try to eat out for $5 each, it will mean we are nostalgic for 1967.  

Planning what we do is a good idea.  Expecting certain outcomes leads to frustration.  It's like planting a garden.  Good results are by no means guaranteed, but our odds are better if we do plant something.

Happy anniversary to all of you.  You can celebrate the good years, even if 2021 isn't one of them.

M1

Happy Anniversary to all of you!  I'm at 27 years and pleased with that--but at 54, you're double where we are.  Wow.

I turned 65 last week, and this was the first year that my partner couldn't remember that it was my birthday.  So I get what that feels like, for your LO not to be able to share the anniversary.  Completely normal to have bittersweet feelings about it.  Sounds like you handled it pretty well, White Crane, all things considered.

My birthday was still nice, because my 30 year old son showed up unexpectedly from Seattle to surprise me--which he really did, having just been vaccinated two weeks previously, and I hadn't seen him in 18 months.  So I will always remember this year, for one good and one sad reason.

Again, best returns of the day.  Milestones do matter.

Crushed

We celebrated our 43rd in 2018.  That was the last one where she had the slightest idea who I was. She was 66. 

short vent 

I spent my entire 60s with this disease.  When I see happy healthy older couples in ads or programs or on the street or in the store something horrible and nasty and angry  in me wants to scream 

  'If you  made it to 70 together without this disease or other disease you are so fuc**** lucky I don't want to hear any complaints." 

 I don't say it of course. I'm 70 and I have not been in a hospital since I was 20.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I know it. I have a good therapist helping me  But I miss DW so badly.  

 

Jude4037

We will have our 55th anniversary this fall and have so many friends doing things that we would have been doing if DH didn’t have AD. It’s hard to not feel angry be cause our plan for the golden years didn’t materialize. It’s normal to want it all. My husband who was always very kind, seldom angry is the opposite now and he cusses and calls me names on a daily basis. I’m trying to let it all slide but it’s hard. Fortunately, he generally has a few moments here and there where he is himself and loving . I treasure those times. The best you can do now is to try to remember a special anniversary or trip and enjoy the memory. 

I doubt I’ll plan anything and just see who wakes up that day. He may want to bring dinner in or not. Eating out is an ordeal. He complains that they give him too much food (we share a meal) and I tell him he doesn’t have to eat it if he isn’t hungry . And he will eat his share. And things cost way too much I fib and say we have a gift card. The menu confuses him and he gets agitated although we always order the same meal. But life goes on....

White Crane

It seems there are several June anniversaries on this forum.  Happy Anniversary to each of us.  Although the day may not be a happy one, may we each have a happy memory or two.  Thank you for sharing your experiences.  You each mean a lot to me.