POA and VA affairs???

jmorones

I need some advice... My dad, 69, just got diagnosed with Alzheimers. His brain has "significant damage" and is not doing well. He lives in another state and his only other child lives out of state too. We both are going to see him in a week. I am not too familiar with POA. Is it a good idea to have both of us kids as his POA? My sister says it's easier to only have her as the POA. Also, does anyone have any info on if the VA will help cover a nursing home? Thank you all in advance....

John2.0.1

It's really important for someone to have a POA, preferably a Durable POW that is effective immediately. Some POA.s only take effect if the person is declared incompetent and that's not a fun exercise.

Whether one of you or all of you are DPOAs kinda depends. I think that in fact in Massachusetts where I and my mom live, only one person can be DPOA at a time. So the DPOA should name who takes over as DPOA if the first person is no longer able to perform the duties. The second person is called a First Alternate and takes over if the first DPOA is unable to function as DPOA. You could have a Second Alternate who takes over if the first alterntate is unable to do perform the duties.

That may be different from state to state. I don't know if in other states you can have multiple people as equal DPOAs. If you can have multiple people as DPOAs, what if you disagree? Majority rule? In any case you'll want a lawyer in your state to write them up. It's mostly boilerplate stuff so it shouldn't cost a lot.

I'd guess that DPOAs could split up of the duties? One for finances? One for medical and placement care? Other for ... not sure what else, but you still want to have the First and Second Alternates listed.

My wife and her two siblings are all joint DPOA for their mother in Canada but Canada's laws are different apparently. In their case, my wife and her sister generally agree on things. The brother is always the lone vote. He just wants to stuff their mom in a place and forget about her. He's an a**.

Don't know anything about the VA.

harshedbuzz

John2.0.1 wrote:

I'd guess that DPOAs could split up of the duties? One for finances? One for medical and placement care? Other for ... not sure what else, but you still want to have the First and Second Alternates listed.

The bolded can be a terrible option in practice. What often happens is a couple divides the DPOAs to different adult children. All too often this is done in a stereotypical sexist manner with a daughter being charged with medical decisions and a son (often the one deemed "good with money") with financial responsibilities. It seldom goes well, or if it does, those aren't the folks posting here. What sometimes happens is that the financial person sees his responsibility as preserving an estate legacy rather than spending that money for respite or MC. 

IMO, the person answering the same question 20 times in an hour and wiping butts should control how money is spent. 

jmorones-

It is simpler for one person to be the POA. Ideally that person would be local to the PWD and competent to make decisions. Unless your sister is much closer to dad, has a home life/career that allows more flexibility,  or has some experience that makes her uniquely qualified (a medical or legal professional, perhaps) either would be fine.

I was secondary on dad's after my mom. I used his POA  (and hers) to sell one of their homes because they couldn't travel. I also used them to access a safe deposit box and close a bank account in another state. I was tertiary guardian for my aunt after my other aunt and my mom who were both in the 80s at the time. I never acted on it, but the courts did run a background and credit check on me.

HB

John2.0.1

As Secondary it's interesting you could do those things. I've been told by our lawyer that my wife as secondary has no power unless I resign or am incapacitated.

Once this pandemic is completely over I'll have to resume my multi-week trips to Japan and China. I'm told that does not count. My wife as secondary can not take over for me if I'm just temporarily unavailable.

youngestone

Hello. In North Carolina, where I live, once a person has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, enacting a new POA is not an option. In order for a POA to be given, the person has to be mentally competent to do so. This was the case with my mother, so we had to file for guardianship. I would imagine different states may have different standards. I would check with your state to be sure. In reference to V.A., they handle their own affairs. They will appoint a guardian, i.e. fiduciary, for the V.A. recipient. So that you know what to expect--they run comprehensive background checks complete with character references, financial and criminal background checks, and a very thorough personal interview. The process can be time consuming. I hope this information is helpful.

youngestone

In reference to V.A. paying for nursing home care, the V.A. may pay for nursing home care for those who meet eligibility criteria including service connected status, level of disability, and income. In reference to my reply above, I should have said if it is determined that a guardian is required for your dad's situation, the process I described will apply. It is best to speak with the V.A. directly.

jmorones

Thank you, I appreciate the info. I've been doing alot more research, and I'm getting alot of information from all kinds of sources. I'm confident it will all work out. Fingers crossed

SRCB

The government is very tricky to navigate because they don't honor POA. The VA has a representative status that can be assigned to you. If your father has a relationship with a VA hospital ask them to connect you to a social worker. The social worker I dealt with was critical in helping navigate the VA system. You can also use a community VA coordinator to help you complete all forms. The social worker put me in contact with the VA coordinator in my father's county. You can also google search VA coordinator and the county name that your father lives in to get a connection. It will still take longer than you expect to get everything in order but I honestly couldn't have done it without this help and there was no cost to getting the help.

ButterflyWings

Here is a link I found, that may help. I did not know about the coordinator service in each county, so will look into that myself. Help is welcome, and necessary with this journey we all are on.

My DH is eligible for Aid and Attendance monthly pension as a wartime vet, but the 1 year application window to finish his claim expired, before I could get it completed so they could begin the actual process to get him approved. With everything else that I was trying to manage for/with/in spite of AD, it just couldn't be helped. Though I came so close to getting it all done and submitted a couple of months ago, the portal wouldn't accept the very last document on deadline day. I could have cried! As it means they won't pay retroactively from when we first opened the claim. Oh well. I've lost so much already due directly or indirectly to my DH's dementia...it is far more than just a little 'spilt milk', but I try to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again, as the song goes.

So now, I will start the clock again because we really need this help (2 years after I found out he/we are eligible, through guidance from this forum). So...I will see if I can connect with the coordinator or social worker as recommended on this thread. I hope this link helps with your research. Good luck to you. and your family.

https://www.va.gov/GERIATRICS/pages/Alzheimers_and_Dementia_Care.asp