Wife with dementia, travel, public restrooms

Hal42

My wife is in the moderate range of dementia. She sometimes gets disoriented in unfamiliar places. We want to take about a three or four hour trip to visit her relatives. I’m sure she will need to make a pit stop somewhere along the way. I’m not comfortable with her going into restrooms by herself as she may get confused and not be sure what to do by herself. At home she’s ok. She does need help pulling her clothes back up after sitting on the toilet. She doesn’t always remember how to do that. The restroom we would be stopping at would most likely be plazas or rest area stops. 

My question, finally! Any suggestions on how I can be of help to her at those times? If it’s a single stall restroom I can go in with her and lock the door. I can’t do that in public restrooms.

Thank you for your comments!

ladyzetta

When I have traveled I have found that most of the rest areas have the handicap restrooms and the stalls are very large and a lot of rest areas have the family restroom and everyone is welcome. I think this is a thing that all rest areas offer.  You will also find handicap stalls in public restrooms and again the stalls are very large. I hope this helps.

Lorita

Hi Hal,

 In a women's restroom all the stalls have doors so you can certainly go in with your wife.  When I was caregiving for Charles, many times I went into the restroom with him.  Occasionally a man would come in and it didn't seem to bother them at all.  I remember there was also one stall with a door.  Also have taken him into women's restroom and no one ever said one unkind word or even mentioned it.  I'd just tell them to excuse us and it was fine.

 Don't worry about it.  If you go into the women's restroom, just open the door and tell them a man's coming in with his wife.  Guess you can do the same if you take her into the men's room.  Don't worry about it - people are really kind about that kind of thing.  So many people have been touched in one way or another with dementia so they're understanding.   Hope you have a good trip.

Joe C.

Hal, I have faced the same issues when traveling. Rest areas are not really great options so I usually get off the highway and look for something like a Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks that usually have single bathrooms and go in with DW. The other option is to try a Depends incase you can’t find a single bathroom.

M1

Can you check your route ahead of time for places with a "family" restroom? This is frequently an issue for families with disabled/wheelchair bound folks members too so you might be able check some websites for travelling with other disabilities-

Stuck in the middle

Can you rent a small motorhome for the trip?

Hal42

My thanks to all for your replies. 

Each of you mentioned/suggested things I never considered before; never had to.

Doors on stalls, announce coming in with my wife. I would be more at ease going in to a women’s restroom than DW in to a men’s. There’s no way she would go in to a men’s restroom. 

Stopping at a Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Maybe Sheetz (did that once). I had forgotten that.

Motor home would be out for now. I do like that idea but we would want to get in, drive away and never come back!

Many years ago we were driving back from a visit with family. DW has always waited until the last moment to say “I have go to the bathroom.” She told me she had to go. We were 25 miles away from any place to stop and it was 9:30 at night. I saw a sign up ahead, made a right turn and DW asked why I was going to a hospital. “They have restrooms, Honey.” Happy wife, happy rest of the trip home.

Y’all are great! Thanks again!

Hal42

M1, I’m going to follow up on your suggestion. I’m sure there has to be “family” restrooms available along our route. Thanks!

Ed1937

Hello Hal. Welcome to the forum. Great bunch of people here. Sorry you are also dealing with this disease. 

One thing not mentioned is to make a "travel bag". This would include extra clothing, including extra underwear. It should also include wipes, like you might find for toddlers, and bags for trash. Hopefully you won't need something like this, but if you do, you will be glad you have it. Hope you have a good trip.

June45

Hal, as Ed said, include "bags for trash" and wet clothes in your "travel bag".  I also always have a couple of old bath towels in the car.  And if needed to protect the car seat, I have a small water proof pad like one that would be used in a bassinet.

Rescue mom

Try fast-food places, which are usually plentiful near highway exits.  Those restrooms were much easier to work in/around than rest stops, at least for us. I’d usually get a drink or small snack, which was usually welcome by DH anyway.

Bhopper

You’ve already received most of the duplicate information but just as an FYI if your travel route has super target on them all of them have family restrooms that are most often nice and clean in addition and should you have any issues you have automatic shopping there handy as well . I always plan on route if possible knowing location. Hoping for a pleasant trip for you and yours it is one of the things we can still do and just returned from one and it was a big stressor until we figured that out.

Lorita

What a great place this is and such wonderful people with so much information.  I know everyone helped me when I was caregiving.  Hal, you've gotten so much good information.  As Ed said, always carry a travel or ditty bag with all the things you "think" you might need.  Judith and I always had one.  Charles was so good - he'd even carry it when we went into a store.  You just never know what you'll need and it's much better to be safe than sorry.

 Another good suggestion was renting a small motor home - if your trip is going to be a long one.  They used to rent at a reasonable rate for a few days.  We've done that - before dementia and it was great. You can stop when you want to and your wife could rest when she wanted to.  But, probably the best is all the other good suggestions you received.  Just be prepared and you'll be fine.  People are so very understanding.

Hal42

I appreciate the added comments from others. I’ll definitely be setting up a “travel bag” with the items suggested. I already keep two black trash bags and a couple bath towels in my truck. I got caught once in a torrential down-pour  away from the truck and was completely soaked in about one minute. After that I put the bags and towels in the truck.

The trip we may be taking is only about a three hour drive: maybe three and a half if we stop. I’ve received so much help here that I know I have nothing to worry about now.

Lorita’s last two sentences put me at ease:  “Just be prepared and you’ll be fine.  People are so very understanding.”  Thank you Lolita!

If we make the trip, I’ll up-date y’all.   God Bless!!