Something actually worked out as planned

Stuck in the middle

I placed my disabled son about 20 years ago, with the idea that he will probably outlive me and it would be best for him to make the adjustment while I was around to help when needed.  It has been a rocky road, in and out of hospital etc., but he adjusted pretty well over a period of several years.

He was notified on June 10 that the RCF in which he has happily lived for the past six years has lost its State license and has to close by July 3.  I immediately started scouting for a new RCF, as I have done before.  This time, we received aid from Pathways, a non-profit that has been providing counseling to him.  He moved Thursday to a nicer place, nearer my home.  It was stressful to him (imagine being given three weeks to move) and to me, because I averaged three 20-minute calls per day debunking rumors and reassuring him that this problem would be handled.  

The point is that he has a new place to live, and it would have happened if I were not around.  He is not living with me until I die and going to live under a bridge.  I love it when a plan comes together.

It's actually kind of pathetic that I count something like this as a victory.  The next person who complains to me about the high cost of sending children to college may get a head slap.  Not really.  Well, maybe.

Thanks for listening.

lizziepooh

Totally trying to unwrap all this but not succeeding. So what is this? 

I believe it is that your son could have succeeded on his own without you and all those pussyfoot college boys wouldn’t have? Is that the boast? Cuz I totally get it. 

But it is more than that, you feel you have taken care of your son. He can live with out you and that is the success. That is your win. That should be every parents win.

Totally get it. Is that it?

Joe C.

It is great that everything has worked out so well. I can imagine that without an advocate this could have had a very different result.

M1

Of course it counts as a victory. Every one helps.....glad he's settled and that it's a nice place. Happy Father's Day......

LadyTexan

That's wonderful news midSTUCKdle!

I am so glad that your hard work payed off and that the plan came together. It is a WIN WIN! I love hearing about the wins.

Thank you for sharing.

harshedbuzz

SitM-

That is a wonderful thing. The system, for once, worked. They stepped in and executed a good outcome without you hand carrying them through the process. 

I will celebrate that with you. 

HB

Jeff86

You have been a tremendous father as well as caregiver.  You have devised a solution to the long term well-being of your son.  This is indeed a big victory, most worthy of celebration.  Very happy for you.

Ed1937

That's great! I know you have had your hands full for a looooong time. You are a special father. I hope you have a great day!

Stuck in the middle

lizziepooh wrote:

Totally trying to unwrap all this but not succeeding. So what is this? 

I believe it is that your son could have succeeded on his own without you and all those pussyfoot college boys wouldn’t have? Is that the boast? Cuz I totally get it. 

But it is more than that, you feel you have taken care of your son. He can live with out you and that is the success. That is your win. That should be every parents win.

Totally get it. Is that it?

The win is not that my son can take care of himself.  He cannot.  The win is that he will be cared for, in a minimalist sort of way, after I am gone.

I don't knock college boys.  I was a college boy once.  I am saying that people who complain about the high cost of education should instead be grateful that their children have the ability to educate themselves.  My son can read, and he can do arithmetic in his head, but he can't hold a job in a sheltered workshop.  At least he is housed and fed, many mentally ill persons are not so fortunate.

lizziepooh

I get the win. I do get it now.

But I wonder…

Why does it bother you so much that your son can’t do that stuff? 

And I wonder does it bother your son as such?

M1

Lizzie, I guess you're not a parent.

Stuck can speak for himself, but I don't think you have any idea what you're talking about. This is not about college elitism.

lizziepooh

No, I get it M1 that this is not about college elitistism. I got that a post back when stuck clarified it for me and I am sorry I was unclear that you still thought that was the issue.

And I am sorry I made people mad or uncomfortable with my questions. That is never my intent.

I ask questions. Whether they are appropriate or not never crosses my brain. That is a failing of mine. And always will be. It is hardwired in me and is not something I can change. It happens before I am consciously aware that it happens. It is what it is.

Sorry but please know I never mean harm nor am I judging people; I am just always wondering about things and people and ideas and how they connect or don’t connect. /shrug

Crushed

If only one gets out, its a victory
 
The last line of "von Ryan's Express"

Well done

Stuck in the middle

Thanks for the support, fellow travelers.  We all do the best we can for the people we love.  Sometimes our best is enough, and I rejoice in every flower that blooms.