Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

Something actually worked out as planned

I placed my disabled son about 20 years ago, with the idea that he will probably outlive me and it would be best for him to make the adjustment while I was around to help when needed.  It has been a rocky road, in and out of hospital etc., but he adjusted pretty well over a period of several years.

He was notified on June 10 that the RCF in which he has happily lived for the past six years has lost its State license and has to close by July 3.  I immediately started scouting for a new RCF, as I have done before.  This time, we received aid from Pathways, a non-profit that has been providing counseling to him.  He moved Thursday to a nicer place, nearer my home.  It was stressful to him (imagine being given three weeks to move) and to me, because I averaged three 20-minute calls per day debunking rumors and reassuring him that this problem would be handled.  

The point is that he has a new place to live, and it would have happened if I were not around.  He is not living with me until I die and going to live under a bridge.  I love it when a plan comes together.

It's actually kind of pathetic that I count something like this as a victory.  The next person who complains to me about the high cost of sending children to college may get a head slap.  Not really.  Well, maybe.

Thanks for listening.

Comments

  • lizziepooh
    lizziepooh Member Posts: 44
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Member

    Totally trying to unwrap all this but not succeeding. So what is this? 

    I believe it is that your son could have succeeded on his own without you and all those pussyfoot college boys wouldn’t have? Is that the boast? Cuz I totally get it. 

    But it is more than that, you feel you have taken care of your son. He can live with out you and that is the success. That is your win. That should be every parents win.

    Totally get it. Is that it?

  • Joe C.
    Joe C. Member Posts: 981
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes
    Member
    It is great that everything has worked out so well. I can imagine that without an advocate this could have had a very different result.
  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
    1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member
    Of course it counts as a victory. Every one helps.....glad he's settled and that it's a nice place. Happy Father's Day......
  • LadyTexan
    LadyTexan Member Posts: 810
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Care Reactions 25 Likes
    Member

    That's wonderful news midSTUCKdle!

    I am so glad that your hard work payed off and that the plan came together. It is a WIN WIN! I love hearing about the wins.

    Thank you for sharing.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,583
    Seventh Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member
    SitM-

    That is a wonderful thing. The system, for once, worked. They stepped in and executed a good outcome without you hand carrying them through the process. 

    I will celebrate that with you. 

    HB

  • Jeff86
    Jeff86 Member Posts: 684
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Care Reactions 25 Likes
    Member
    You have been a tremendous father as well as caregiver.  You have devised a solution to the long term well-being of your son.  This is indeed a big victory, most worthy of celebration.  Very happy for you.
  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,091
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Likes 250 Care Reactions
    Member
    That's great! I know you have had your hands full for a looooong time. You are a special father. I hope you have a great day!
  • Stuck in the middle
    Stuck in the middle Member Posts: 1,167
    1000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Care Reactions 5 Likes
    Member
    lizziepooh wrote:

    Totally trying to unwrap all this but not succeeding. So what is this? 

    I believe it is that your son could have succeeded on his own without you and all those pussyfoot college boys wouldn’t have? Is that the boast? Cuz I totally get it. 

    But it is more than that, you feel you have taken care of your son. He can live with out you and that is the success. That is your win. That should be every parents win.

    Totally get it. Is that it?

    The win is not that my son can take care of himself.  He cannot.  The win is that he will be cared for, in a minimalist sort of way, after I am gone.
    I don't knock college boys.  I was a college boy once.  I am saying that people who complain about the high cost of education should instead be grateful that their children have the ability to educate themselves.  My son can read, and he can do arithmetic in his head, but he can't hold a job in a sheltered workshop.  At least he is housed and fed, many mentally ill persons are not so fortunate.
  • lizziepooh
    lizziepooh Member Posts: 44
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Member

    I get the win. I do get it now.

    But I wonder…

    Why does it bother you so much that your son can’t do that stuff? 

    And I wonder does it bother your son as such?

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
    1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Lizzie, I guess you're not a parent.

    Stuck can speak for himself, but I don't think you have any idea what you're talking about. This is not about college elitism.

  • lizziepooh
    lizziepooh Member Posts: 44
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Member

    No, I get it M1 that this is not about college elitistism. I got that a post back when stuck clarified it for me and I am sorry I was unclear that you still thought that was the issue.

    And I am sorry I made people mad or uncomfortable with my questions. That is never my intent.

    I ask questions. Whether they are appropriate or not never crosses my brain. That is a failing of mine. And always will be. It is hardwired in me and is not something I can change. It happens before I am consciously aware that it happens. It is what it is.

    Sorry but please know I never mean harm nor am I judging people; I am just always wondering about things and people and ideas and how they connect or don’t connect. /shrug

  • Crushed
    Crushed Member Posts: 1,463
    Tenth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Likes 100 Care Reactions
    Member


    If only one gets out, its a victory
     
    The last line of "von Ryan's Express"

    Well done

  • Stuck in the middle
    Stuck in the middle Member Posts: 1,167
    1000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Care Reactions 5 Likes
    Member
    Thanks for the support, fellow travelers.  We all do the best we can for the people we love.  Sometimes our best is enough, and I rejoice in every flower that blooms.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more