transitioning from contact lenses to glasses = loss of control

wizmo

DW around stage 5 has worn contact lenses (actually just a single lens in one eye) for a long time but in last 6 months has had increasing trouble.  It gets lost.  She cannot remember if it is in or not.  She cannot remember when to replace - normally 30 days but she will think nothing of discarding one after 5 days if it is uncomfortable.  They cannot all be defective.  Many times her eye is sore and she does not know why, usually because a lens is still in and she has been rubbing and poking too much without successfully removing it.  With all the rubbing it often gets displaced under the eyelid.  Sometimes it stays in for 3 days before she can finally get it out.  I had a private discussion with optometrist during her annual checkup and asked if we can just switch to glasses.  Doctor was supportive.  DW does not want this at all, it is one more thing she sees as others (especially me) taking control of her life.  I don't think she really understood the message from the doctor at the time.  We picked out new frames/lenses because her old glasses (rarely used) were far out of date.  Now 10 days later she doesn't remember picking out glasses, doesn't remember going to the doctor, wants to go order more contacts, wants to go see another doctor if the last one won't renew her prescription for contacts, will "do it herself" if I do not help, etc.  I know there is no reasoning with her at this point, in her mind she knows what she knows about her own body and I cannot tell her anything different.  I have tried small excuses e.g. the glasses might not be forever but she needs a break from contacts due to all the problems, the doctors office is all booked and we cannot make another appointment for a month, etc.  She still has occasional "good days" when she remembers enough of what is going on and has doubts about these fibs.  I expect this is the beginning of me not being able to manage her anger over increasing loss of function.  All she can do about it is shut herself in a room alone, have a good cry, maybe forget about it for the rest of the day, but then bring it up again later with no better outcome.

Has anyone else crossed this particular bridge & how did you do it?

John2.0.1

I have not had to deal with my mom having contacts but I can tell you at least how it is dealing with my mom in her glasses. 

In the last 15 months she has destroyed or completely lost 5 pair of glasses. Usually she sits on them that break them. I glue them at the hinges and order new ones. She sits on them again. Lenses won't stay in the frames because they are so bent. New $300 glasses come in and she breaks them.

She complains they don't stay on her face yet she is always hanging her head down. I try to explain no glasses stay on the face all day. She forgets. They drop on the floor and she kicks them because she doesn't see them and they are broken again.

She leaves them in the common area and sometimes they never reappear. 

Most recently i got her titanium frames, wrote her name on them, glued the hinges tight so hopefully they don't break at the screw hinge. Also since they can't fold, she can't leave them lense down on the table to get all scratched. All her other glasses were all scratched for that reason.

I hope these newest $300 glasses last 3 months before being destroyed.

Half the time she forgets to even use them.

This is what I've experienced with glasses for mom.

Spent over $1200 on glasses in 15 months.

Your experience may be different but beware that glasses are not foolproof either.

Ginsamae

My MIL has the beginnings of cataracts but otherwise only needs glasses to read. Most are the cheap reading glasses you can buy at most any store, but she does have 2 good, prescription pairs of glasses. These will constantly get misplaced, sometimes not to be found for a month or more. When she needs a pair of glasses she'll often just grab any pair she can find - my husband's are a frequent target for her (my glasses stay on my face as I use them for both reading and distance vision). I've suggested to her that she get the neck strap so she can always have her good pair of glasses round her neck but she won't because she says that 'only old ladies use those' (she's 82 and in stage 4 but with some stage 5 starting to pop up on occasion).

This is a minor issue to us though - the bigger one is her constant spending on Amazon.

harshedbuzz

wizmo-

Since she is bristling at this change as a loss of control/independence, it's probably best to treat it as you would any other restriction around IADLs like driving. Rather than try to reason or explain the potential consequences of her reduced skills around this task, put the blame elsewhere and validate her frustration.

Perhaps you could say something along the lines of "the doctor wants you to take a break from contacts for now and wear glasses. I know you miss your contacts, but he said we can talk about this at your next appointment. Besides, you look great in your new glasses."

I, too, would be concerned about her handling lenses going forward. By stage 5, many PWD are starting to skip important hygiene steps in toileting which could be a problem with contacts if she's constantly trying to adjust them.

HB

Rescue mom

Sounds like you are doing all the right things in bringing in glasses—the doctor is busy and can’t re-do the order, etc. Fibs are often needed at this point. She just can’t continue with contacts, for all the reasons mentioned. 

I would guess that like many of our LOs, she may threaten or talk about getting herself an appointment or go see another doc (or many other things) but in reality cannot do all the steps and planning involved to actually do it.

Yes, she may have problems keeping up with glasses. That was something I had to track for my DH with Alzheimer’s. He wasn’t hostile, just could not remember or recognize that he needed them. Getting expensive ones may not be practical, although strong titanium frames are a plus. 

But, sadly, IME, the glasses won’t matter much for long. My DH by stage 6 could no longer do most things he needed glasses for. He could get around the house without them; he couldn’t do much of anything else that required precise vision. That said, he still has them. 

Inexpensive readers from the drugstore are also a huge help, although many soon become unable to read much. 

Quilting brings calm

Several years ago, when I was in my mid 50s, I gave up my contact lenses.  I had gas permeable ( ‘hard’ contacts), and had various replacements of them for decades.  I found myself taking them out after several hours at work on a regular basis.  My doctor told me that my eyes were getting dry and that’s what was making them uncomfortable.  I finally just quit wearing them when I lost one rather than replace it.

Sounds like your wife may have a similar issue.  Tell her you heard the dry eye situation on the radio or read it somewhere and the suggestion was to go to glasses  for ‘ a while’.   

dayn2nite2

I think this might be the time I would announce that they no longer make her contact lenses and all she will be able to wear is glasses.

Glasses will probably not help either (just to let you know).  It is probably a result of the dementia where her brain is not processing the things she is seeing correctly.  Expect her to still complain about her vision and demand contact lenses.  Don't arrange for any appointments and see if she can muster the ability to make and keep appointments herself.  She probably cannot.