Help, I'm sleep deprived.

White Crane

For the last several months, DH has been waking me up several times during the night wanting to have sex.  I tell him to go back to sleep but it isn't long before he is patting me and rubbing my arms and back and trying to get as close as possible.  As soon as I get to sleep, he wakes me up again.  It's frustrating and I end up feeling angry.  If I tell him again to go back to sleep, he is right back before long.  This morning, I finally got up at a little before 5:00 to get away from him.  A couple of nights ago, I got up before 4:00.  Now I am tired and groggy...and kind of angry, too.  DH has ED, so can't "perform."  He still has the desire though and it is getting to be almost constant.  How have others handled this situation?

ButterflyWings

Hi - I can imagine how frustrating this is for you. I casually moved out of the bedroom a while back, and he has only hinted a couple of times since, but I don't think he could follow through even if we tried. I'm fine with that, though it is sad. This isn't the same man I loved for so many years. I still love him dearly, but our relationship has changed as he himself has.

It was the hallucinating that got me to move out of our bedroom - with DH thinking and hearing burglars, so he was hiding knives under the mattress, etc. (I disappeared all real and possible weapons). I just did not feel safe (terrified, actually, and sleeping with 1 eye open). For a while, I had to make excuses that I'd be there as soon as I finished the dishes, or a few emails, or some other short thing that never ended until he dozed off without me.

The waking up constantly and wandering the house, rummaging and weaponing up (yard tools, bat, etc.) caused us to try bedtime doses of seroquel and melatonin (Dr said up to 10 mg). That helps him sleep through the night. You might try melatonin if you haven't already given him something to sleep.

I don't know if your DH has urges at other times of the day? But I'm thinking you may need to remove the temptation, which is you lying in the bed next to him. If it is triggering memories of what is "supposed" to happen in bed, that might help. Just like with driving, for my LO the car had to be out of sight to be out of mind. I hope you get some rest.

Rescue mom

Aren’t there some drugs that really lessen their interest in sex? Not just “performance,” but interest. You might ask your doctor about that.

LovingAwareness

Regarding medications, my Dad is on blood pressure med Lisinopril and this seems to have an effect of dampening libido.

HSW

Sleep apart. Put in 2 single beds, in a different room or on the couch. If he wanders at night tell the doctor. I had been sleeping behind a locked door in the basement. He used to think I was a breaking in as it took me forever to get up the stairs. Medicine helped him stay asleep and calm, however I will not sleep in the room with him until he is physically incapable.

Jo C.

This type of behavior is most commonly seen when the frontal lobe of the brain has been affected by dementia.  This is seen not only in Frontotemporal Dementia, but also in Alzhemer's Disease and other dementias when as said, the frontal lobe has been compromised.  There are indeed medications to help; contacting your husband's dementia specialist would in all probability be able to provide such assistance.

We had this issue with my step-dad; it had become quite a problem. Of course, talking to him about it did not help.   In his situation, Seroquel was prescribed by his Neurologiist and that quelled the behavior and it did not return.

White Crane, I can only imagine how exhausted you must be.  Sleep deprivatioin over time is no joke, it is serious.   If you have an extra bedroom, perhaps it would be time at least for awhile to sleep in the other room; perhaps even having a locking doorknob on that bedroom door.  If you need an "excuse" as to why the move into the other bedroom; using a fiblet stating you are not feeling well, etc. would probably be satisfactory.

Wishing you success in whatever path you decide to take for intervention.

J.

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White Crane

Butterfly Wings, I’ve tried sleeping in a different bedroom or downstairs after he falls asleep, but as soon as he realizes I’m gone he comes looking for me. It’s a hard situation. He’s very stubborn and usually won’t go back to bed unless I come with them. if I go downstairs to sleep, he will sometimes get in his recliner and sleep also so that’s not so bad.  I do like your idea of sleeping in a separate bedroom though. Maybe I can give it another try.

Sleeping with weapons under the mattress must’ve been terrifying for you! I’m so glad you can sleep in another room and have the door locked. Please continue to take good  care of yourself. 

White Crane

Jo, I didn’t know this behavior is a  sign his frontal lobe has been affected.  He has an appointment with his neurologist next month but I think I will go ahead and contact him to see if he can prescribe something.  If his neurologist won’t help, I will contact his primary care physician.  Thank you so much for your reply. I’m so grateful for each of you on this forum.

White Crane

I just finished messaging DH neurologist.  I am hoping he will be able to prescribe something to help him sleep through the night...and slow down the sexual urges.  Last time I asked him for help, he said no...he didn't want to dope him.  I hop this time he listens to me and offers some help.  Thank you all for your input.

M1

White Crane if he doesn't, I'd keep asking.  Seroquel should work for this.....or something similar.  Maybe he'll refer you to geri psych?