from bad to worse

JDancer

Two weeks ago, my DH's best friend died suddenly. We are both crushed. This was a friendship of 40+ years. Lunch together 3-5 times a week, daily phone calls. The guy who would do anything for us. My husband remains aware of his death, but continues to tell people the wrong thing when explaining the manner of death. I fear he will forget his friend is gone, once the pain is less raw. Thinking about leaving the obituary on the counter, but seeing it breaks my heart, and his. I didn't think things could get worse, I was wrong.

M1

So sorry JD, that is a rough loss for both of you.  My partner lost a close sister in December, and we still talk about it on a daily basis:  her voice is on our answering machine and my partner loves that in one way, but it's a daily reminder that part of me would like to eliminate.  

She does undertand that her sister died, so there's at least that.  But we rehash the grief and the cause of death (Lewy Body Dementia only diagnosed during her final two weeks) daily.  I just tell you that to be prepared for the processing to be a long thing, if it happens at all.  Hard for all involved, obviously.  Again I'm sorry.....

French

I am sorry you lost such a friend, they are so precious and rare. I can imagine your pain.

eaglemom

My goodness that is simply tragic. I am so sorry for the pain that you both are going through. There are no good answers, only ones that will help you both. I fear leaving the obituary on the counter will cause him to continually relive the loss and pain. You will know what is best for the both of you. Again, my condolences on the loss of a very dear friend.

eagle

Ed1937

eaglemom wrote:

 I fear leaving the obituary on the counter will cause him to continually relive the loss and pain. You will know what is best for the both of you. 

I'm sorry for the loss of a good friend. But I think eagle has something to consider. It might be best to allow time to take care of everything, naturally.

60 falcon

I'm sorry you two are going through this. It's hard to lose such a special friend, but I think things will get better.  

My wife and I lost our one remaining true friend (my best friend) suddenly last March.  For a long time, DW would forget that he died, and then when she'd hear of his death again it was as if she heard it for the first time. So I don't talk about him very often.  When we met with our friend's grown kids shortly after his death, I'm sure they were made even more uncomfortable by the things DW said. It was embarrassing, even though DW meant well and was grieving herself.

Over time, things have gotten better for us and I hope they get better for you and your husband too.