Caregiving Has Aged Me

Norma W

I'm not a vain person but looking at pictures of myself from just a few years ago, I can see that I have aged more than I thought I would have at this point in my life.  Physically I feel older too.

Self care is so important, take care of yourselves out there!

PickledCondiment

You're not vain, you've simply realized caregiving takes as big (or possibly bigger) toll on the caregiver as the LO. I too look and feel older than I should at this point, I'm rung out.

IMO, certain segments of society continue to chose to portray caregiving as a warm, fuzzy, wonderful task we do for LO.  For many of us, caregiving is usually for free and usually in addition to other full-time commitments.  

Taking care of ourselves physically and mentally will be the only way to survive. 

harshedbuzz

Norma-

When I was a kid, my dad claimed I turned his hair white and my sister (who was hell-on-wheels) made it fall out. Let's just say, he's returned the favor. 

Two months after getting dad diagnosed and moving my parents here, my stylist took one look at my hair and said "girl, what is happening in your life?"

HB

rzrbaxfan

"take care of yourself"....stop sounding like my therapist! (joking)

Easier said than done...but I hear ya.  Some days for me, "self care" is saying "good night all!" at 6 PM.  I'd kill for the chance to sit at Sonic for a Route 44 Dr Pepper for 2 hours without her wandering around the house looking for me.

Amymv

Yes, self care is so important and it is easier said than done.  I hope you can find time to enjoy the little things you enjoy in addition to getting adequate sleep, eating well, and exercising. Sending you hugs!

M1

I'm feeling my age too. No energy, sad and tired much more than I would like. Nagging back injury after a fall last year-shocked to learn I have a compression fracture, going for an MRI tomorrow.  Even thinking about an epidural injection now complicated by the lack of someone to drive me. Losing your spouse means not having someone to lift the other end of the board....wish I had the zip to stay young at heart, but my get up and go has got up and went, as they say.

GothicGremlin

We're almost three years in from when my sister got diagnosed.  I look much different now than I did back then. In only three years. I'm old, to be sure, but I'm not that old! Like you, Norma, I'm not vain, and a good thing too!

I suppose the plus side is that goth clubs are now reopening after covid and I'll look right at home on elder goth nights (yes, elder goths are a thing).   

The other plus side is that I learned my health lessons from caring for my dad for the last few years of his life (he didn't have dementia), so I am taking care of myself this time around with my sister. With my dad, I stopped going to the gym, and was somewhat lax about doctor visits, etc. I was lucky that I didn't do too much damage, but my fitness took a big hit.  Now I'm back in pretty good shape (kickboxing will do that for you), and I'm going to keep it that way for as long as I can.

Stuck in the middle

GothicGremlin wrote:

. . . elder goth nights (yes, elder goths are a thing). 

Is that anything like S&M night (Sanka and Metamucil)?

M1

Kinda like having multiple partners---I go to bed every night with Arthur(itis) and get up with Ben (Gay)

LovingAwareness

I know the feeling. I started this more than 10 years ago. I was still of child-bearing age. I was still cute. I did yoga and ran. Now I am middle-aged, frumpy, gray-haired and get out for a walk about once every two weeks. 

Dad shadows me constantly and other than the 3 hours he is at daycare three times a week (which does not do me much good since I have to use that precious time to try to catch up on my job, which I am perpetually behind on and just hanging on by my fingernails.) I never get a break from him. I love him, but I feel like Sisyphus dragging my giant Dad-Stone up the hill for all eternity.

So that is where an overnight in a local hotel comes in. I did this a couple of weeks ago - my brother took full-time Dad duty and I spent two nights in a hotel about three miles from where I live with Dad - the first nights I had spent away from home in more than four years. I debated going to the beach, the mountains, some sort of vacation, and finally realized that all I wanted was a couple of nights to myself in a quiet place where I could go to sleep when I wanted and sleep in as late as I wanted, eat whatever I wished when I wished, take a long bath every day, and go browse around a grocery store or clothes store for as long as I wanted.

Exciting vacations can wait - this was everything I had hoped it would be, and I'm going to make it a regular thing.

I highly recommend it. Even one overnight away from my LO gave me a chance to catch my breath and reset my perspective just a bit. Two nights was better, but that first night was the real prize. It was hard coming back, but while I was gone I realized that my time with Dad will not last forever and someday I will be able to live the way I want to and take care of myself again. It is hard to remember that when you are constantly in the thick of it. 

Stuck in the middle

One of the casino resorts has a really appealing TV ad.  These people are playing golf, getting spa treatments, gambling, etc. but we keep coming back to one guy who is just sacked out in his room.  As in, there's lots to do but it's all optional.  I'm ready.

GothicGremlin

Stuck in the middle wrote:

GothicGremlin wrote:

. . . elder goth nights (yes, elder goths are a thing). 

Is that anything like S&M night (Sanka and Metamucil)?

HA! More like swaying to old 80s goth music like the Cure or Bauhaus without lifting your feet off the ground.  It's like pretend dancing. The "S&M" (Sanka and Metamucil) is a great name for the drink special of the night.

Yorklady53

Oh Norma, me too! I suppose I’m vain in the sense that I always want to look my best. Anyway, I always take a selfie on my birthday. I turned 67 last September but looked much younger. Now every evening when I’m getting ready for bed and each morning as I’m putting on my makeup I see how much older I look. Up until last November, when it became very clear that DH was traveling quickly to full blown dementia, I felt so young but this caregiving has made me feel so very old and now I’m starting to look the part.

This darn disease not only steals our loved ones from us but it also steals our vitality and love for life. Most days I don’t even want to get out of bed and my first thought is always what slice of crap is life going to hand me today. I am sure that you all know that it’s not an exaggeration to say a great majority of my days contain a few challenges that drain my joy. I truly think I will die before this horrible disease ends my DH’s life.

Hugs to you Norma, we know exactly how you feel.

Stuck in the middle

It may be reversible, if you keep your health.

Friend of mine had to place her husband a few months ago.  She looks and acts 10 years younger.  When she's driving the convertible she traded for, 20 years.  She still cares, still visits, but she's not on the alert 24/7.