Best clothes and shoes

tmm2424

Helping my mom get dressed is increasingly becoming a struggle.  She is pretty resistant to changing her clothes (both getting dressed and undressed).  Does anyone have specific recommendations (brands, styles, etc) that work well for someone who needs help getting dressed?  

Stepping into pants and underwear is hard, and she refuses to sit down while we do this. She has been wearing t-shirt dresses (basically a t-shirt but longer), but I think pulling things over her head is starting to stress her out.

We basically stopped trying with shoes, but would love a recommendation for comfortable Velcro (or similar) shoes and/or sandals. If we had an easier time getting them on her, we could go for more walks outside (she loves walking, but mostly just paces all day in the house). 

My mom is on the younger side (early onset), so ideally something that isn’t too “grandma looking”.  I’m okay with buying more expensive items if they are higher quality/will last longer. 

Thanks so much!

star26

I switched my Dad to loose and comfy clothes that he could also sleep in, so there was only 1 clothing change per day max. You'll have to be selective so it's not too grandma looking, but I recommend mumu type dresses in warm weather. My Mom and grandmother could get away without wearing a bra in these. I also found that putting shirts/dresses on over the head became A LOT easier and more comfortable when I did "left arm, then head, then right arm" instead of putting it over the head first and then struggling with the arm holes.  For shoes, we switched to closed toe crocs that can be slid into like a mule, but that have a heel strap that can be used for extra security (recommended) or pushed forward for one less struggle. I had to place chairs in the locations where he typically likes to put on clothes or shoes because it was easier to insist he sit right there rather than getting him to walk to a different location.

aod326

One thing DH's carer suggested, once putting something over his head became too uncomfortable, was to cut the back and add ribbons as ties. That way, it looked as if he was wearing a sweatshirt or t-shirt, but in fact it was more like a hospital gown.  DH was also on the younger side - 60 - and I didn't want him looking old. He had been a runner, so he wore running pants instead of sweat pants, and slip on sneakers. Until he couldn't.

Good luck.

towhee

I second dressing arms first then head. Check out teepa snow youtube video titled "Using hand over hand to assist with dressing". Changing clothes wherever person happens to temporarily light can also work, ie bed, toilet, dining table, etc. They do make adaptive clothing, such as dresses that snap at shoulders or pants that go on basically like a wrap skirt and then zip up the sides. Most would be called grandmotherly though. Sites are Buckandbuck.com and silverts.com.

Stuck in the middle

When I am old, I will wear sweat suits 24/7.  No zippers, no snaps, no buttons for arthritic hands to fiddle with, just hook the thumbs in the waistband and push them down.  Change for a clean suit on shower day.  Sweat sox, sneakers with Velcro closures, beanie.  If I don't want to pull shirts over my head, zip front sweat shirts.

star26

P.S. I love these skirts: cute, easy, and wash well. They wrap around and hold with velcro so no stepping into anything. Brand: Rip Skirt Hawaii. They have their own website or you can get them on Amazon too. On the website they also have very stretchy non-clingy T's.

BassetHoundAnn

I sewed Velcro strip closures to all my mom's clothing. For her shirts I sewed Velcro strips down the front where the buttons would be. Did the same for her p.j.'s and house coats. This has worked well for her. I bought a big roll of Velcro from Amazon. Her pants I switched to pull-up elastic waist, Land's End and Hanes which I also bought on Amazon. I've bought her a lot of different types of shoes but have yet to find the Holy Grail as she has some foot issues that make fitting tough. I did find some kids shoes on Amazon that are slip-on with Velcro or elastic that she likes. Some kids shoes do fit adults; you need to check the size conversion chart. An adult 8 might be a kids size 6 for instance.

JJ401

Maybe sneakers like these would work

 https://zebashoes.com/

MaggieinTx

We use button up/zip up tops and pull up pants.  I found a brand called "Billy Shoes" that are sneakers that zip up from one side of the shoe to the other.  They have really been a game changer for us.

David J

tmm2424-

My wife is also EOAD and too young to wear grandmother clothes. She has always been well dressed and a bit of a clothes horse. We are still wrestling her into normal clothing, though she no longer wears skirts or dresses. Many of her clothes need special care or dry cleaning, and I’ve gotten pretty good at laundry. She still has her fashion sense and refuses to wear things like athletic wear. 

One concern for purchasing clothing is how a MCF will car for the clothes. Cold water wash individually then tumble dry no heat?  No, I don’t think so. Clothing that. PWD takes to a MCF needs to be washable and dry able without special care. Also, residents will end up wearing each other’s clothes and seeing your LO’s expensive blouse being worn by another resident would be disturbing.  

I finally got DW to stop wearing heels!  Although occasionally she’ll put on a pair of gorgeous Italian shoes, but I won’t let her leave the house wearing them. I usually can get her into flats or sneakers. I tie them for her. 

And yes, she will wear all her clothes, and shoes, to bed. Most times I can get her to swap the blouse for a nightgown. 

So good luck getting clothes for your mom. 

Dave

M1

Off topic, but the thread reminds me:  when I am old, I shall wear purple....with a red hat and satin sandals.  Isn't that how it goes?  But I like Stuck's sweatsuits better.  Maybe they can be purple.

mommyandme (m&m)

My mother dislikes changing clothes so much that she can wear the same thing for days. As long as they’re comfortable and not dirty she doesn’t change. Sleeps in them too. She’s 84 and doesn’t really care. Comfort is always our main goal. She does like her hair curled, lipstick and nail polish. Vanity isn’t gone, that’s for sure. 

Ecco Velcro sandals are her most comfortable supportive shoes. Even while reclining they support her ankles and legs. She wears them all year, even in winter (with socks of course). She’s never on the snow. Loose fitting capris or pants, elastic waist. 

Stuck in the middle

"When I am old I will wear purple (sweats) and a red hat that doesn't suit me . . ."

I was not kidding one bit when I said I intend to be comfy in my old age.

My mother lived in sweats for years, well before her VD set in.  She lived alone and slept when she was sleepy, ate when she was hungry, and changed her sweats when she bathed.  She got a haircut when the weather got hot and ate whatever suited her.

I slept in sweats when wilderness camping for years.  In that case I changed, because you don't sleep in the same clothes you eat in.  You don't want to smell like food when bears come into your camp at night.  If you sleep in a house, however, why change?

My wife still cares what people think.  She has given her capri pants away because she dislikes the nearly invisible blue veins on her calves.  I asked her "When we are in a restaurant and the teenager at the next table is wearing shorts that barely cover her tush, at whose legs are people looking?"  She knows I'm right, but no matter.  

Life is so much easier after we learn to not care what people think.  When other people think at all, it is not about me.

GothicGremlin

This is a timely thread! I'm at a point where I'm looking for easier clothes for my sister. Like others here, she's kind of particular about what she will and won't wear.

I've got her in pants with an elastic waistband now.  It was difficult to convince her to give them a try since she's always been one to wear jeans. But jeans were just getting to be too difficult. The pull up pants are working out well so far. I haven't been as successful with shoes. She's not going to give in to velcro without a fight.

Her current shirts are too complicated now. So now I'm looking around...

Hey Stuck in the middle - is a sweat suit the same thing as a track suit? Pants and zip-up top that both match?  If so, M1, I found a purple one on Amazon. 

Stuck in the middle

Pretty much.  Track suits may be cooler and not have snug cuffs.  Sweats are designed to be worn over shorts and tees to keep warm at track meets on chilly Spring evenings while waiting your turn to run, but most are worn by non-athletes.  I think track suits are more what the clothing industry calls "athleisure" wear - for people who want to look athletic while they are at leisure (loafing).  I think they sell women's track suits that look like denim, your sister might like them.

I actually like sweat pants and tee shirt (long or short leg/sleeve depending on the season) with a hooded zip-front sweat shirt.  Get hot, zip it down a ways.  Get cold, zip it up.  Get colder, raise the hood.  

I'm only 74 and my wife still cares what I look like, so I mostly wear khakis and polos, adding a blazer for semiformal occasions.  I have plans for my old age, though.  My fingers are starting to get the arthritic deformity that my mother's had, and small buttons, snaps and such aren't part of the plan.

Rescue mom

Many good tips here. There are also online stores that specialize in “easy” clothes for PWDs and other disabilities. I cannot recall them (haven’t needed them) but they’ve been mentioned several times. Jo C. was among those who recommended them, if I remember correctly.

my3sons2.0

Sketcher's for her feet have been our shoes of choice. They slip on and they are washable.

Pull on pants that are not to long as to avoid anything that may trip mom up. And shirts that either button in front or can be cut up the center of the back and velcro shut. My mom wouldn't change clothes for days and never took her shoes off even in bed. You learn to choose your battles.

harshedbuzz

David J wrote:

One concern for purchasing clothing is how a MCF will car for the clothes. Cold water wash individually then tumble dry no heat?  No, I don’t think so. Clothing that. PWD takes to a MCF needs to be washable and dry able without special care. Also, residents will end up wearing each other’s clothes and seeing your LO’s expensive blouse being worn by another resident would be disturbing.  

It's best to think of clothing for MC as one might clothing for a child in day care or camp. It's best to send things in which you don't have an emotional investment. Think separates that all coordinate so if they change the top she spilled lunch on with the first thing they grab it all goes together. 

Most MCFs do offer an option for family to do laundry. There is no reduction in fees for this but it does seem to cut down on the number of things that go missing unless your wife leaves the door open to "shoppers". At dad's MCF, laundry was done in each neighborhood by the aides ideally with participation of those residents who enjoyed the tasks. Sometimes loads of clothing would become wrinkled as care of the residents was prioritized over laundry. That said, self feeding become messy and incontinence set in, this might not be ideal unless you are there daily to take care of it. 

My mother kept dad's nice things home and brought them if there was a special event at the MCF or if he had an appointment. Even so, there was something about the way dementia impacted how he carried himself that a beautifully tailored Harris tweed jacket or cashmere sweater didn't look any better on him than sweats from Target. That said, dad had a closet full of cashmere sweaters that she didn't want the staff to shrink machine washing. He was always cold and frankly, if they'd destroyed one a month he'd have been good for about 3 years. After he died, my husband and son didn't want them so they went to a thrift shop for the homeless. 

harshedbuzz

Gothic Gremlin-

If your sister likes jeans, maybe she'd agree to the ones with an elastic or rib-knit waistband or even these Lands End knit Starfish Jeans-

Women's Starfish Elastic Waist Knit Jeans Straight Leg Mid Rise | Lands' End (landsend.com)

GothicGremlin

tmm2424 - for shoes, I'd forgotten about Sketchers until my3sons2.0 mentioned them. I went to their site, and they have some fairly cute slip-ons.  I know I'll good luck with those, maybe you will too.

harshedbuzz - thank you for the tip about Land's End. Those pants are perfect for my sister.

Stuck in the middle

The sixty-something widow across the street wears jammies 24/7 unless she is going to town.  I saw her weeding her flowers and talking to the neighbors a little while ago, pajama pants showing below her light cotton robe.  She is in no way demented.  Her BF apparently doesn't mind, and she doesn't care what anyone else thinks.

abc123

Skechers are good shoes for my Mom. They are comfortable, fashionable and come in a wide variety of colors and styles. I like them because of the soft soles, quiet. I see people of all ages wearing them. They are easy to get on and off.

Thank you for this thread! I've gotten some good ideas.

Jo C.

Hi tmm, this is an issue we also had.  You may want to take a look at Buck and Buck adaptive clothing; they are a very customer friendly company and have a lot of clothing that are easier to get on, are machine washable and dryable. Some of their clothing goes on like any other clothing, but they also have outfits that look just like regular clothes BUT actually close down the back.  They have buttons or zippers in the front as style would dictate, but they are just fo show.   One can also choose velcro closures on some items.

https://www.buckandbuck.com/

They will shorten some items at no extra cost and also if you wish, will put in clothing labels with your Loved One's name on the lable if you wish.

Return policies when I used them was kind and generous, even if items had been shortened.

They carry clothing for both women and men.  They carry everything from lovely sweats, to slacks and tops, sleepwear, outside wear, underwear along with a very nice line of undervests or undercamisoles for decency sake when a LO refuses to wear bras.  They also carry shoes and slippers that come in different widths and some with velcro to avoid having to tie shoes.  Slacks are usually elastic waist.  There are some that have zippers on each side of the slacks that open all the way down past the knees but are hidden when zipped up.

Anyway; may be worth a look.  While one may look at their items online, I prefer using their catalog which they will send out very quickly upon request.

J.

Stuck in the middle

In the Heloise newspaper column today, a man with arthritic fingers reported that his wife had put key rings on all his zipper tabs to make them easier to operate.

Beachfan

M1 wrote:

Off topic, but the thread reminds me:  when I am old, I shall wear purple....with a red hat and satin sandals.  Isn't that how it goes?  But I like Stuck's sweatsuits better.  Maybe they can be purple.

Look what I found taped to the 'fridge in our house at the shore.  A relic from my late mom, who died at 101 1/2 in January 2020.  

                                   WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN.....

I shall wear purple with a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves and satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.  I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells and run my stick along the public railings and make up for the sobriety of my youth.  

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain and pick the flowers in other people's gardens and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat and eat three pounds of sausages at a go or only bread and pickle for a week and hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. 

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry and pay our rent and not swear in the street and set a good example for the children.

We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.  But maybe I ought to practice a little now?  So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised when suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph  

Sounds like a plan, except I don't know what "beermats" are.  

Stuck in the middle

A beermat is a drink coaster, typically printed with a beer bottle label.  Please feel free to ask any questions within my area of expertise 

Stuck in the middle

One of my aunts was a member of a Red Hat Club.  The clubs were quite popular 20-some years ago.  They had regular outings in which a Buick full of old ladies in red hats (or not, there was no dress code) went wherever and did whatever.  You could even buy red hat lampshades and such.  Sounded like fun.

jjuliajul11

There are no problems with my grandmother while I buy her new clothes. She loves new things and then she doesn't mind changing clothes.  I started buying her clothes online when I read the reviews of https://floryday.pissedconsumer.com/customer-service.html . It is really more convenient and much cheaper. I hope you are well so good luck!

Jude4037

In some MC facilities you can do their laundry for them. We did that for my mother in law while her clothing was important to her. After awhile she cared less but still like flowery things.

MaggieinTx

I found a brand of shoes called "Billy" shoes.  They look like lace up tennis shoes but actually zip around the sides to the toe area.  They have really been a game changer.