Phone Calls Driving me Crazy

techageguy

My DW of 52 years has AD and is in an AL MC facility. I put an adaptive phone in her room. All of the large buttons have my picture on them and are programmed to call me with one touch. I thought this was a good idea that would allow her to stay in touch but there has been a downside - multiple repetitive calls. She will call me and of course forget that she just called me and call again and again and again. If I am not busy, I will usually answer but I have a pretty active life and these repetitive calls can be disruptive. If I am in a meeting or class, I will put the phone on Do Not Disturb and she will get upset and leave 20 or 30 voice mails in an hour. Looking for ways to handle this and maintain my sanity. Do I take the phone away?

M1

Welcome to the forum.  If you search a bit, there have been a number of similar threads.  Many times, the answer does seem to be to take the phone away, perhaps with a fiblet that it broke/is being repaired/is being replaced.  Others may have alternatives, but it's a common thing it seems, especially early after transition sometimes.

Sjodry

Techageguy,

I bought an Alexa Show 8 for my mom. I have it paired with my cell phone. I can drop in on her anytime. We can have a video call or I can just take a quick peek. If an Alexa is set on the ability to have a drop-in call, she does not have to know how to answer it. If the person is able to answer a call (not in drop-in mode), one just has to hit a green button to answer the call. Having a device like this may make it less likely to hear from her so much, if at all. My mom is beyond being able to figure out how to make a call on her device. This type of communication might limit the amount of calls you’re getting.

Good luck!

Sandy

techageguy

Thanks. I put an Echo Show in her room when she moved in last year and I drop-in on her when she gets upset. Seems like something about the visual contact can calm her down. I also have it showing her pictures of family, friends and our cats on a loop which she enjoys.

Marianne*

My mom drives me crazy with the phone calls.  If you're using a cell phone, block her number during the times that you don't want to be interrupted/need a break.  Then, just simply unblock the number.  I've been using this and it saves me from seeing nasty and/or sad messages that really stress me out.

Dave Cahail

I can totally relate. My mother periodically will call over and over. If it gets too much, I have blocked her calls for a period of time and then delete any messages she may have left. If there really was an emergency, the AL MC facility would call me directly. 

At one point, I did have the facility unplug her phone and had them tell her it was broken but in Washington state, this goes against patients rights so they had to plug it back in.

I also finally realized I needed to set boundaries and not pick up every time she calls.

This is not easy but remember you need to take care of yourself and you do not have to be at her beck and call all the time.

Hang in there.