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Finally got BIL in MC -- feeling guilty, exhausted, but relieved

I spent July 1 in airports and on planes all day bringing my BIL, who has EO here to our state. 

 Then yesterday I spent all day shopping and installing things to finish furnishing his room at the facility.

This morning I got there early, finished filling out a mountain of paperwork, and set up his television with a few streaming services (and worked out a plan for ensuring that he can easily use the remote to the shows he likes).

Then my wife showed up with my BIL, and we talked to the intake person.

They then asked us to leave so that the adjustment process could begin.

Needless to say my BIL wasn't happy when he realized we were leaving but his wasn't (even though I'd been explaining the situation to him every day for three months to try to get it internalized as much as anything can be in his condition.  But he was obviously upset.  Not combative but upset.

I'm thoroughly exhausted, feel a bit guilty, and am faced with the stuff that piled up in my own like in the three months I've been out of town taking care of him.

But I'm relieved, too.  I just hope he adjusts well.  The people are friendly there and seem very competent (in the dealings I've had with them so far).

When they give me the okay (after his assessment and adjustment period) I'll start paying daily visits if the nurse there thinks its a good idea (I don't want him to relive a sense of abandonment every day -- so I'm going to use staff guidance about how often I visit or take him from the facility).

Comments

  • Stuck in the middle
    Stuck in the middle Member Posts: 1,167
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    Not sure what you feel guilty about, unless it's letting your wife's family work you like a rented mule.  Sounds like you're making good progress in getting him cared for.
  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Bravo Larry--I agree, you've gone above and beyond.  Well Done.  You would be completely justified to tell your wife and others to take over for a LONG while.  Get some well-deserved rest.
  • Cynbar
    Cynbar Member Posts: 539
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    Larry, good work, but this pace isn't sustainable for you. Now that you have gotten him situated, please encourage his sister and brother to be more involved. It is their sibling, not yours, after all. I hope they know how lucky they are to have you!
  • MN Chickadee
    MN Chickadee Member Posts: 888
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    Well done Larry. It was really, really good of you to take this on. Your BIL and wife are lucky to have you. Being upset about staying at MC the first day is completely normal. It will take time for him to adjust. Likely weeks, not days. Give it time, and get some much needed rest while you wait.
  • [Deleted User]
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  • The4thOne
    The4thOne Member Posts: 40
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    Larry, you have done a good thing, the right thing, and you deserve to exhale. Take this time that he is adjusting to his new surroundings, to do the same for yourself - re-adjust to your surroundings.  I just wrote a similar sentiment, and determined that Guilt is part of the process - and it's OK.  What you did for your BIL is an accomplishment.  Some may berate me for saying this, but be proud of yourself for having the courage, strength and fortitude to do what no one else would or could.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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