New here!(3)

Val21

53/f...mom is 72. She now lives with my brother who is 54. She has not been the same since dad passed suddenly at home by himself. She was in the hospital ending a two week stay due to COPD. 

She was strong and more than able to take care of herself, my aunt next door to them and my dad with his health issues. The moment she was told about my dad she 'lost it'.

Fastforward almost 3 years the house has been sold a few months back and she's living at my brothers. She's got delusions neighbors on both sides are stealing everything that was hers. It's getting bad. Recently she has been going there bringing things back with her that she thinks are hers...we try to tell her we will watch them through the several cameras my brother put up to ease her mind but that's not good enough for her. We're horrible for not helping her get her stuff back. A brief list: folding chair, fruit trees, underpinning on the porch, basketball hoop, clothes pin bag....you get the picture).

It is so bad she gets mad at us for not doing anything about it.

Thought about moving her in with me but her delusions go everywhere with her. For example a bench at the vets office, jewelry at my aunts, knives in a house I'm doing work in, cabinets at my boyfriends...so moving her isn't going to help and can't stop her from seeing the neighbors yard.

I feel so lost and helpless....this happened so fast and i don't think either of us were prepared. I have been a cna for 20 years and even helped a lady in a grocery store parking lot get her demented husband in a car he thought want his. So I'm not blind to things to try but this is hard because there's no removing her from the situation (since it's everywhere according to her) and distraction doesn't work 90% of the time  

Sjodry

Hi Val21 and welcome!

You will likely get lots of responses telling you it’s time for a thorough assessment of your mom. It sounds like she clearly has dementia with the behaviors you describe. Medication may be needed to settle down the delusions/accusations of stealing and such.

You will also likely hear that the primary caregiver of your mom needs to establish legal power of attorney of her to help manage her affairs.

We all understand what you’re dealing with and the challenges that go with this.

Do lots of reading here to start making a good plan!

Take care.

Sandy

Val21

hi Sandy..thank you! Right now she's on donezpril, busperone and alprazalam. The hardest thing is redirecting her when she can see so clearly in the yards. Just very frustrating!

O...my brother does have power of attorney where he's able to take over in cases where she can't. That was done through a lawyer before she got this bad...

M1

Hi Val, it's likely to take other medicines--like Seroquel or Risperdal--to handle the delusions and paranoia.  This is late stage behavior, so she's probably got fairly advanced dementia.  Some primary care docs are okay prescribing those, but if not, a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist would be what to ask for.  Good luck, none of this is easy.  Glad you found the forum.

Rescue mom

Is she left alone for extended time? Given her excursions to neighbors, have you thought maybe it’s time that she needs to be watched more by a person who’s there, who can limit her ability to come and go? You can’t lock her in and leave her, but if somebody is there, there are many ways to limit her getting out of the house unaccompanied.

 If she’s “just” obsessing about it, there are meds that can help with that. ( I first through she was actually going to neighbors but now I can’t tell)

towhee

Welcome- I agree with the other posters. She might be at a stage where she needs more supervision. Have you looked into day care? Also two of the meds she is on are anti-anxiety and other medications work do work better for delusions. The zanax (alprazalam) can sometimes be problematic in persons with dementia. Talk to your doctor, a specialist may be necessary. One thing you do want to guard against is adding medications without a plan in place to slowly reduce the ones she is already taking, if possible. I do urge you to start planning for the necessity to increase care, the COPD might make the dementia progression faster.

Wish you well

MEEP

I am new to this site and reaching out for help. My MIL is in AL and we want to keep her there for awhile since her surroundings are familiar and that is comfortable for her.

She was a difficult person before dementia and is difficult now. She makes up all sorts of situations and tall tales. I have been her, and her now deceased husband's offsite caregiver for the last 15 years.

She is now calling me and telling me outrageous but believable stories. She may have dementia but she is very good at manipulating me.

Do you think I could stop some of this by calling her each day at the same time to give her attention, but avoid the random and upsetting calls from her?

MEEP

Stuck in the middle

Hi, MEEP.  Welcome to the club.

I suspect the most useful part of your plan is the part where you don't accept all of her phone calls.  That's what I do.  If she leaves messages, listen to them with a large grain of salt and delete them.  Call her once a day or at whatever schedule you want, but don't let the calls cause you to call more often.  You can listen to only so much fantasy without losing track of reality yourself.

You can start a new thread by clicking on the "new topic" button near the top of the page.  More of us will see your post that way.

Iris L.

MEEP wrote:

 She makes up all sorts of situations and tall tales. 

She is now calling me and telling me outrageous but believable stories. 

Welcome MEEP.  This is a known characteristic of dementia.  It's called confabulation.  The failing brain gathers together scattered memories to come up with a story.  The memories may not even be true, they may be from TV or a movie or even someone else's memories.  IMO, it's an attempt to remain sociable and be part of a conversation to make connection.  

Iris L.

harshedbuzz

Val21-

I am sorry for the loss of your dad and also for the situation in which your family finds itself. 

In addition to grieving her loss, I feel like a lot of what you are describing is what one sees when a PWD losses a spouse who has been providing security and scaffolding in their day-to-day.

Her delusions suggest she's at least in the middle stages of the disease; her acting on them (taking things from neighbors) suggests she is no longer safe without supervision. You may need to hire a caregiver or try a day program to cover time while your brother is out of the house.

There are better options in terms of medication. Xanax is a benzo best reserved for short term situational anxiety; Buspar is an older line antidepressant. Aricept is often given, but it could be it has reached a point where something else needs to be added specific to the dementia. In your shoes, I would get her in with a geriatric psychiatrist asap for medication management to control her delusions.

HB