Moving parents with ALZ

justnora

My parents both have Alzheimer's and have been in a memory care community that does not take Medicaid for the last 2 years. Their finances will only sustain them for another 14 months, and I have found another memory care community with two openings that will accept their private pay, and switch to Medicaid when their funds are exhausted.

My father has always been easy going. My mother, prior to her diagnosis, suffered from mental illness and was volatile. ALZ has only magnified those behaviors. Because of this, my husband and I have decided not to tell my parents about the move in advance.

We have a meeting set up with the social worker at their ALZ physician's office to talk through how to best support them on move day. I am anticipating that move day will be very hard for everyone.

While having to move an ALZ patient is not ideal, this is the best possible outcome for my folks: they will be together, and they will not have to move again when their funds run out.

If you have experienced something like this and can share any insight, I'd be really appreciative.  

MN Chickadee

I would find the right therapeutic fib and keep things as simple and low stress as possible for them. Arrange all logistics and paperwork ahead of time behind the scenes. If their short term memories are poor, don't talk about it ahead of time because they will just forget the conversation. Take them on an outing that will take a while (maybe lunch and a scenic drive) while others scurry around and move the furniture. Some areas even have moving companies who do this kind of move (acting quickly and making the new room look as similar as possible to the old one.) Tell them there was a problem at the old place, perhaps a power outage or burst pipe or bed bugs or whatever might push the right buttons, but you have found this lovely place they can stay for now. Often calling it temporary helps, and when they ask when they can return say maybe next week when the repairs are done. Rinse and repeat. The adjustment will likely take weeks but that's normal. Moving, whether to the first MC or subsequent, is never easy but we do what we have to do. Good luck.

dayn2nite2

Moving day will be hard, but there's no other option here so just fib where needed and/or don't discuss the move if necessary.

jfkoc

I do not have personal experience with this but from reading posts here I would advise a close reading of the contract as well as a look-see at their license. You want to be assured that  your mother's behavior is not a problem to the facility...that they are well trained to care for her.

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Emily 123

Hi,

Was just going to hop in here with what I found out about the licenses while looking for a place for my mom.

You can look up the license at many State's websites.

This is for Virginia.

 https://www.dss.virginia.gov/facility/search/alf.cgi

You can rollover the different license categories (non-ambulatory, assisted living, etc) to see the definitions of each type. 

You can also look up the complaints online too sometimes.  On this website you just search by the county and it lists the facilities, select a facility and it shows the inspection and complaint results.  Maybe your state has something similar.   

Salsam

I moved both my parents with AD January 29..  I also had them under Hospice Care,  You can look up on indeed.com, I believe reviews of the facility.. 

I didn't do this before I moved them.  The facility I had them in did not get good reviews, and even the Hospice people did not really recommend them. I did not have a lot of choices. 

You can also ask Hospice agencies to recommend places. 

My dad and mom both had behavior problems there, but my dad had more. 

I found another small private care home...recommended to me by a smaller Hospice agency. 

I did not tell them they were moving.  it would not have worked. 

My mom got angry with me at the second move, but she is very well adapted to the new small place, and I can sleep at night.

In all fairness, the first facility had some good points, and when we were not happy with an individual, we reported it.  When I was happy I got gift cards and Thank you notes for the people who helped out a lot. 

Any larger place is going to have great dedicated workers and others just collecting a paycheck.

And sometimes it is the minimum wage caregivers that are the most dedicated, not the ones that make more money, sadly,. 

It is just not easy at all..  They become like emotional toddlers, and we, as caregivers, have to protect our own sanity, which is what they would WANT in their past, rational, pre-Alzheimer's selves that love you..  That is how I lived with my decisions. 

Maybe this will make you laugh in the midst of all of this difficult time...my uncle had no children so I found myself in the crazy position of helping him.....when the Dimentia was mild I told him, "You are lucky...you have long term care insurance so you can have choices....would you like to move near your sister, or come with me, or stay in your own home?  "  His answer "Why are you limiting me to three places?  I want to go to Los Angeles.  "  I realized then I had to make the decisions for him, too, which were less stressful than my parents because he did not raise me.  

Best of luck.. 

StepKlet

I am learning so much! The "therapeutic fib" is genius for the resistant move-ees. I love the bedbugs suggestion in particular.