Packing list for memory care

tmm2424

We have decided to move my mom to memory care. I know it is the right thing to do for everyone (including my mom), but my heart is still heavy.  My dad has been truly incredible, but the care she needs now is just more than he can realistically provide at home (even with a wonderful aide who is there 3 days a week).  He has been her primary caregiver for almost 6 years and is understandably very burnt out. It is "time".

We found a great place not far from my parents house that I'm feeling really optimistic about.  My mom was always such a social person, and although she can't articulate it, I can tell the isolation over the last year because of covid has been really difficult. 

My mom was diagnosed with early onset in 2015 at the age of 59.  She's probably stage 6 now.  She's physically still quite strong and healthy other than the Alzheimer's. She walks/paces from the time she wakes up until the time she goes to bed (great exercise!). She is in the early stages of incontinence. I know moving her a year or two ago would have been a real disaster, but I'm not sure how aware she will be of the change at this point. At the same time I can tell she comprehends more than she is necessarily able to communicate. So who knows?

I guess I'm looking for tips and a recommended packing list to help make the transition easier (or perhaps this is just a coping mechanism to feel like I'm "doing something"!) Anything that you brought/did that helped ease the transition for your family member/loved one?

Sjodry

Hi tmm2424,

I have learned a great deal about memory care since my mom moved in this past December. I will start with a “things I wish someone had told me” list. I should note that all memory care facilities are not created equal. Just because a facility may be pleasing to the eye and cost a lot..does not ensure the detail to care.. it does not. With that said, things I wish I had known before or at the time of placement:

* Don’t send your loved one with their nicest clothes. Caregivers (at least at my mom’s facility) do not read labels and could care less about maintaining the integrity of the clothing.

* I would recommend putting iron-on labels with your mom’s name & room number in them. I googled and found some inexpensive label place for this (I even put the labels on her socks).

(Apologies for any formatting issues.. I am on my phone as I type this in my mom’s room)

* I wish I had been told that things will disappear from your mom’s room. This happens routinely either by my mom carrying things around or other residents coming into her room and taking things out. Fortunately, I think the staff is trustworthy where we are. The facility at my mom’s furnished a nightstand, chest of drawers, chair, tv stand and 3/4 size small refrigerator. But other things like decorative pillows, pictures from home, etc., have a tendency to wander away. Make a full inventory of clothing and anything you bring. Again, caregivers have several residents to manage and caregivers stare blankly (when asking where the nice Tervis Tumblers with lids so mom wouldn’t spill disappeared to?) The response is a mumbled, “We’ll keep our eyes open”..but you never see them again.

* Because my mom has a serious fudge addiction, I always have it for her in the refrigerator.  I also keep a well stocked selection of lunch/dinner back-ups in the fridge for when she hates whatever the staff puts in front of her. Fruit cups, Ensure drinks/pudding, ham salad/Triscuits,etc. Due to some things disappearing from the fridge, I purchased a two pack of door refrigerator locks (Amazon). I have one set of keys and I have the other set to the hospice aide (who uses the fudge to bribe mom into the shower). I also use a child-proof lock/latch on one of her other kitchen area cabinets. This facility has some locking cabinets for briefs,etc. I thought it was a real hassle to have to mask up and go search for someone every time I need something from the cabinet. Everything I want access to, I put in the cabinet with the child lock so I can access it, but mom and other residents cannot.

* Falls will happen. My mom is admittedly a fall risk. She has had at least 4 or 5 falls here since December (one of which broke her hand and required a cast for 6 weeks). I am not pointing a finger here but will say that I think it is interesting that every fall has been unwitnessed. I have a liability theory that I will keep to myself about that.

* On that last note I will end this by telling you the best thing I brought to her room is an Alexa Show 8 (video device). This device allows me to drop in anytime I want night or day just to check on mom or have a video call with her. Early on before we had her meds well established, we went through a weird time with her, when I would drop in on the Alexa and she was lying sideways in the bed with her head off one side and feet off the other or streaking through the room naked. I quickly called the staff and said, “Hey, mom’s hanging off the bed about to fall” or “needs some clothes on”. Another perfect example of how this Alexa has helped us was yesterday. Mom has been having a tremendous amount of pain and hospice has been trying to determine whether her pain meds need to be changed. Also, the hospice evaluator who has to review her every two months to determine if she is still eligible for hospice was here today to do that. As it turned (which I do a few times daily when I am not here with her) I dropped in at 9 am yesterday. She was having a great day cognitively and spent the first 3 or 4 mins. complaining about her terrible pain. I finally went and grabbed my cell phone and videotaped her from my house on the Alexa. I gave that to the hospice reviewer and nurse. So I cannot speak more highly of this device. My mom and I listen to music for hours ever day on it and I have it loaded with family pictures which scroll when I am not with her.

I think I have mentioned the most important things that I have experienced. If you get her a device, I would recommend having the maintenance staff putting on wall shelf angled down at the bed. One day mom walked out of the room with it. It is not something I want to have to replace.

If your facility does not put up a picture of your mom outside her door, you might wish to. I noticed that they didn’t do that at my mom’s place, so I made her a 12 x 12 square picture (head shot) of my mom, with the words: Fran’s Room.

Best of luck to you with the move.

Take care.

Sandy

harshedbuzz

tmm-

Sandy covered a lot of what I would.

I think the biggest decision around what to bring is what sort of excuse you will be using to bring her to memory care. Will the fiblet you'll be using something along the lines of she's staying in this lovely "senior hotel" while work is done on her home or is this "rehab ordered by her doctor" which would inform how you furnish the space.

We went with the rehab story and made the space nice but used their furniture rather than bringing something from home. I hung a couple of non-glare glass framed photographs of his favorite golf course, installed nice bedding and a throw rug leaving the room looking a bit like a Holiday Inn. Over time we added a portrait of my mother and one of my sister and I "to keep him company" until the doctor said he could come home. Do label everything; one of the shoppers used to take mom's picture fairly regularly. 

Remember, too, that what goes in will someday need to come out. After my dad died, my husband and I went to his room and cleaned it out. We donated the huge golf pictures to the MCF for their public spaces and all of his clothing and bedding for those times when somebody needed something quickly after soiling their own stuff. We left with a medium sized box of personal items- pictures and books mostly. On the drive home we passed the MCF that wouldn't accept dad and saw a couple our age moving someone out. They had a bed, side tables, a recliner, a huge glass-fronted breakfront and boxes that presumably held things that decorated the room that they were packing into a U-Haul. They were struggling (the woman was sobbing). I can't imagine having to deal with all that stuff although perhaps it brought the owner comfort. 

You can always bring more things if you need to. My mom brought nicer clothing for doctor appointments and events in the MCF and brought them home after. Dad still read, so we had the paper delivered. Dad's MCF didn't want him having food in his room because he was starting to choke and they wanted someone with him when eating. I brought treats when I visited.

Jane Smith

Take less of everything (clothes, furniture, stuff in general) than you think you need. 

Label everything.  Clothes, shoes, bedding, furniture, glasses, dentures, everything.  (Okay, I did not label socks, but I bought identical socks in bulk so they would all match and it didn’t matter if one went missing!)

For clothes, I used a fabric marker and/or Sharpie directly on fabric and on clothing tags.  I also used sticky name labels in clothes.  I think I bought them on Amazon and they may have been marketed as sticky tags for kids’ clothes. The iron on ones didn’t work for me (didn’t stick and felt like extra work for me) but others have success with them. 

Nothing breakable.

Nothing you cannot afford to lose, either of monetary or sentimental value. So, if you are taking family photos, take a copy, not the only original of the wedding photo of your great-grandparents.  Nothing with personal information on it like social security numbers.  No jewelry you would be upset about if it went missing. 

Something I found helpful for staff is photos of family, labeled on the front. That way they know who you are when you visit, and can use them as a prompt (if appropriate) in conversation with your mom. I’d fasten them to the wall but whatever works for you. 

I have seen lists somewhere and will see if I can find links for you. 

All best to you and your family.

LJS45

My mom just moved into MC 1 month ago. She is about stage 6. I have learned a lot. Yes, label everything you can. Things will disappear and things will also appear that don't belong to your mom. I would bring some items that are familiar to her, like her bed pillow or favorite throw. Get sheets that are the same color/texture that she sleeps on currently. Family photos are good too. Comfortable clothing that is easy to put on and take off. My stepdad thought he was doing a favor for my mom by bringing her sweets. Remnants were in her dresser drawer, under the bed, stuffed in a chair. It was a gooey mess. The transition has been tough for my mom, especially when her husband visits. He agitates her when she asks to leave and he tells her you can't leave. The facility has asked that he take a break from visiting her. We adjusted her seroquel and she has found comfort in carrying and talking to the baby dolls they have in the "nursery" at the MCF. It is a great distraction when she tries to exit the alarmed egress doors, which she has done. Hopefully there will be some activities she enjoys and can participate in. Good luck to you and your mom's transition.