MIL hamming it up when we're around

Ginsamae

MIL had a slight mishap on our steps a week ago. Yesterday she was complaining about the pain in her leg being so bad and when DH and I helped her stand she almost fell over in pain and she got teary-eyed. We decided that she needed to go to the hospital to make sure she didn't have a serious injury but we couldn't get her to walk so we called an ambulance. The ED determined that she did not have any broken bones, just a lot of soft tissue damage and they told her to take Ibuprofen and rest and to use a walker when she needed to get around.

Of course, once we got back home, MIL seemed unable to walk and kept complaining about the pain, but left alone in her room she was on the phone chatting and texting and watching TV like nothing was wrong. Once one of us went in her room she'd grab her leg and start moaning & complaining and crying that the pain was so bad....she was honestly like a small child seeking attention.

This morning she complained to DH that her leg isn't any better today even after staying off of it for a night, yet now that he's at work I can hear her getting around upstairs and not a peep about pain. I'm sure if I went upstairs though I'd get an earful.

How do I handle this without going off on her and accusing her of acting like a child?  Both DH and I are at the end of our patience with her behavior. Yes, we know it's the disease but on an emotional level we don't care - we just want the complaining to stop! 

Cynbar

Of course she is acting like a child --- that is what PWD do. Many lose the ability to think of anyone but themselves --- it's all about them, all the time.Y ou already know that reasoning won't help, "going off on her" won't help either. I suggest staying out of her way as much as possible, don't encourage the behavior by giving her more attention. Isn't she leaving to stay with another of her children very soon? Try to grin and bear it until then, hard as it is. And please don't agree to take her back, you have done way more than your share for your MIL and it's time for the others to step up to the plate.

Quilting brings calm

She may be acting out because she’s a little afraid of the upcoming change in her residence. She might think all the complaining might convince you to delay it. After all,  it convinced you to take her to ER.   Whenever you can’t ignore it, just point out to her that she won’t have stairs to contend with at your SILs, so she won’t have to use the leg as much.  Tell her she won’t be in nearly as much pain there. 

Seems to me that this is a reason why you can’t take her back next year. Her mobility will be even worse then.  Yes, I know you plan on switching her room… but you’ve got a new grand baby coming with baby furniture and accessories that will be on the floor etc. 

harshedbuzz

Even if she is doing it for attention, perhaps validation is the kinder approach. Lavish her with concern, tell her you're sad she's not recovering faster, and remind her to do as the doctors said. My dad was pretty self-focused and I found pre-emptive attention kept him in a better headspace.