ALZ dream

McCott

This is partly for Stuck in the Middle, as it has two main characters, the spouse and the offspring that he may recognize.

 Last night:  I woke up screaming “No, no!”  In the dream, I was on the phone with a former student and friend, who told me she had been hiking in France with my husband and my psychotic brother.  She was calling from her cell phone as she was dying.  They had gotten a ride from a Frenchman who offered a nice picnic lunch on the picturesque roadside, and then after they ate, slaughtered them all with a large knife.  I could not believe that my husband was dead – I screamed and screamed so much that it woke me up.  But while still in the dream, I realized I would not have to pay thousands a month anymore to keep my psychotic brother off the streets, which was a strange if minor relief next to the killing of my husband.  The friend was dying of her wounds but wanted me to know what happened.  So much for getting involved with our family, my friend! I have no plan to tell her of this dream. 

 What struck me was that in the dream I got to scream “no, no” on learning of my husband’s death.  When someone has been on the DNR/death list for seven years, a virtual zombie for his last year, and actively dying for his last month or so – Well -- you never get to scream “NO, NO.”  You just take the hits as they come for seven years (much longer for so many of you, I know), and the accelerating hits towards the end.  The other weird part of it that it had been HIS money supporting my brother to the tune of $2000/month, up to $3000 when he got evicted or spent it all down somehow (no drugs or alcohol, he is a vegan health freak) because  I had no access to my retirement funds until last year when I retired.  

Between my back surgeries and my psychotic family dreams, I don't get a lot of rest : )

Stuck in the middle

Oh, I can relate.  Our minds deal with trauma while we sleep, in ways our conscious minds will not permit.  You did get to scream "No, no" after all.

Crushed

I wish you happier  dreams

Ed1937

What a dream! I wonder if that was built up stress finding a way out. Hope you don't have any more like that.

McCott

Crushed wished me better dreams, but it's not likely.  I only have bad dreams, beginning when I was seven years old and being prepared for First Communion.  We had to learn about sin to make our First Confession.  I had two intense dreams at that time I have never forgotten.

1) My soul was shining white, pure and clean.  Then a "little sin" created a spot, and another and another, and soon my whole soul was sloppy, deep mud.

2) There was a large Book -- The Book -- although being Catholics we had Bible stories rather than actually reading the Bible (such a Protestant thing).  In The Book was all knowledge and the Book was huge.  I climbed onto and into the Book, making my way down into the binding, seeking knowledge, when God shut the Book on me and smashed me like a bug.

Took me another 13 years to lose my religion, but in the interim we were required to go to Confession every Saturday during parochial grade school, scrutinizing ourselves for flaws and if necessary inventing things to confess.  None of this was good for a biological depressive but that's the way it was.

So much for religion and for dreams -- bad trips.