separation anxiety

BB Needs Help

I finally hired a home health aid for 2 three hour days thinking that i would be able to attend my doctor appointments but it didn't work.  I did a trial run and went to the market while i was there i received a call that DH was very anxious and looking for me.  Any help on how to deal with this issue will greatly be appreciated.

David J

The same thing happened to me the first time I left my wife with the companion. The companion put my wife on the phone and I reassured her that I’d be home soon. After almost two years, she still gets anxious sometimes and tries to come with me when I leave.

The first few companion visits, I stayed at home and worked in my office where my wife could come find me. Then I started making quick trips to do errands, and eased into taking my few hours, two days per week. 

Ed1937

BB, welcome to the forum. Sorry you have a need to be here. But we have a good group here, and help and understanding are available. 

I know this didn't work for David, but I wonder if you could stay home a few times with him while the help is there? Maybe if he became more accustomed to the help being there, and getting to know them a little better, he might be less stressed when you leave. Just a thought. 

Joe C.

I agree with David & Ed about staying home the first few visit. Also tell your husband the caregiver is there to help you (not him). My wife was much more accepting when she believed the caregiver was there to help me. It took a little time but DW bonded with the caregiver and she has been with us for almost 4 years. I couldn’t have made it this far without her help.

French

I began with a caregiver very early because I had to go to work. It was easy because my partner was still understanding and they were going out for activities. They still do it.

Even if this advice is certainly to late for you, BB , it can help others. I think it could be worth trying to have help early, even if it’s not indispensable, so that our spouse get in the habit of having someone at home.  The same for daycare. 

Paris20

I was hospitalized three months ago. My husband’s condition degenerated as if I had been away for months instead of days. My children came home to help and tried to calm him down because he was so upset. There were no visitors allowed in the hospital because of Covid but he soon forgot all our phone calls and kept asking our kids where Mom was. The disruption really set him back and he will never regain what he lost. My doctor said I should simply tell him I have a doctor’s appointment since he seems to accept that excuse.

abc123

Hi BB. You could try to slow things down. Staying home the first few times will help DH. I remember someone suggested sitting down to enjoy a snack, the three of you. Having light conversation, mentioning the fact that the sitter is there to help you do laundry, dusting, whatever. I wish you luck! I think its great that you brought in help. I wish my Dad would do it. Hopefully he will soon. I agree with French about bringing in help sooner rather than later. It makes life just a little bit easier for everyone.