New to this group

NonnieD

Thank you for accepting me to this group.  My Mom is 91, lives alone, drives (not well) and has not been diagnosed but I hope that will happen this next week.  Her PCP retired and she strongly dislikes the PA who took over to the point where she will not go to him.  I have found an NP who has treated Mom in the past who we will see this week.  Mom has had C-Diff for 2.5 years, dislikes the GI Doctor as "she should have been cured by now."  Arthritic knees are causing mobility issues.  Mom's intentions are good but follow through is not.  She forgets, is easily sidetracked and many days pass and her intended tasks are not done unless I go do them. Last Fall she backed her lawn tractor into her pool.  Luckily she was not hurt but is rather proud that it happened!!  The house is becoming more and more in need of upkeep but she refuses any help!  My brother is 2 hrs away and rarely comes but is the favored child so -  I'm it.  She does expect him to keep up her house.  Mom's timeline of events is greatly skewed.  She does not remember doctor's instruction on taking meds so has doubled meds.  Pill strips are out - she has her own system.  She is never wrong, everyone else always is.  Socialization is me.  At her age, many friends have passes or cannot drive.  She will not phone anyone.  I see her sliding down a slippery slope at a quickening pace.  The kicker for me is that I worked as an office manager for several years in an assisted living facility counseling family members on dealing with their loved ones.  It is so much different sitting on the other side of the desk.  Thankfully I have a wonderful supporting husband but cannot burden him with all of this.  

Thanks for listening!

Iris L.

NonnieD wrote:

  Mom's intentions are good but follow through is not.  

 her intended tasks are not done unless I go do them. 

Welcome Nonnie.  Everyone is aware of memory loss in dementia.  What you describe is impairment in executive function, also a major characteristic of the dementia.  None of this will get better.  

You probably already know that Mom needs a more secure and safe living environment.  Do you know about anosognosia?  She is unaware of having difficulties or the extent of her difficulties.  You will have to learn work-aroubds from the other members in order to keep your mom safe.  Read a lot of threads.  Ask a lot of questions.  Members are ready to share.

Iris L.

star26

Hi Nonnie, Welcome. I’ve been where you are with a parent that is obviously not safe living alone and managing their own affairs while also refusing any and all help or change. Things are likely worse than you already know. (You haven’t mentioned how she’s managing her finances.) As Iris pointed out, anosognosia is likely one factor. It’s important to know at this point whether you or your brother or anyone has financial and healthcare power of attorney for her. If not, you need to see if you can get it immediately and before a diagnosis is even better. You may need to use some savvy skills to get this in place. If you do already have this, it’s time to start using it to protect your Mom. Therapeutic fibbing, more creativity, and accepting that she may be angry goes with the territory. You can find a lot of help here with the specific tasks you need to accomplish so post any dilemmas you have. This forum has been the best resource for me. 

NonnieD

I have not heard of anosognosia but am starting to read about it.  I will bring this up to her practitioner this week at our appointment.  My brother and I are both POA's,  financial and healthcare.  We are both on her checking account that I check regularly.  There does not appear to be any scamming going on.  She does like to order from Publisher's Clearing House which seems to be her entertainment.