Time(2)

Bhopper

I think the time has passed for waiting for the time. Recent trip to Neuro new to DW due to original Neuro schedule so full. Doc was so impressed with physical attributes that she overlooked mental deficits initially. I could see the shock in her face immediately recommended in patient memory unit evaluation in addition to probable SW evaluation to see if she should be alone for any period. My wife only acknowledges she needs help to me with getting dressed and resist care taking currently 5-6 hours per day during week. It’s a battle most mornings to get  her to accept the helper but usually settlers in. While observing the test I had to also acknowledge how much she has lost especially in the recent past. My son and closest family and friends have suggested facilities in the past and prior to COVID restrictions being lifted it was not even a consideration. Her understanding of time has really declined so if I attempt a shower or phone call while it’s only the 2 of us the constant “where are you or why didn’t you tell me “start up she has obsessed over facial features picked at her skin. This is the minor list getting lost in time and space is new and scary I have motion cameras throughout the house and they are a lifesaver but also force me to see everything that scares me to death. Most recently sleeping patterns have changed and she will get up at night. The wandering and looking for something or nothing. Our conversations have become when will I get her haircuts and nails done or can I fix her nose “take it off” I feather time has come that I am keeping her home for me. I have located a outstanding Mc facility and spoke with various resident spouse all great reviews. Located and purchased a very inexpensive location for myself in order to fund the very expensive but seemingly very good facility just so conflicted. My heart says hold on but my realistic side tells me I may be hurting her more than helping. We. Purchased a place in the county much like where she grew up old and needs a ton of work hopefully on good days I can take her out and spend time together but as it is not our current home hopefully the return to facility would be a bit easier. Every facility we have visited has evaluated her as MC appropriate. We have 2 coming in the next 2 weeks please wish us luck and any thoughts are welcome! 

Thank You BH

French

Hi Bhopper, I am at the same stage. Perhaps my partner is a little less advanced (MMSE at 10) but all the professionals tell me I must anticipate and place him in the next months. They see signs of rapid decline. I am still working (49 years old) and with 2 children at home. 

If you found good MC and they have place, it seems you have to try. You are lucky. I found a very good one but they don’t have places and won’t before months 

Joe C.

BH, I am in the same place with the struggle between my logical & emotional self. I am trying to make it through the summer while we still have a chance to get out and do things together. DW is typically very happy when we are out and around other people so I want to give her these moments while I still can. I hope the best for you as you navigate this difficult road.

Doityourselfer

Good luck to you BHopper.

Bhopper

Joe,

That has been one of the most difficult things some days we get good moments especially outdoors. As we speak she is excited to Go and see the new place it has become something we do three times a week it’s an hour from our home but it keeps her occupied and happy for that period of time my hope is that will offset the times that I struggle when she is in the facility but my head knows that I can’t manage both and work and keep her happy but in those moments when I’m able to take her to the place and let her be like a kid playing it’s worth all the other sacrifices thanks so much for your comments and support

Bhopper

And thank you to all others who deal with this daily as well we know none of it is simple just make the decisions the best we can her only being 62 years old it’s difficult but me being 58 knowing I have to work at least another seven years and probably more than that to keep her in the facility that she will need I will need to work as long as possible to manage everything else the plan is when we sell our current home we will have no debt to speak of other than what it cost to keep her in care and the monthly maintenance of the new place examined around the clock care and it just doesn’t seem to be the same quality we have a very good part-time caregiver now but she can only do so much

aod326

 It's such a hard decision, and I think we always latch on to the good moments almost as "see, it isn't that bad really; we can manage this". I do think it's worth bearing in mind that it may be easier for her to adapt and make friends if you place her sooner rather than later.

We were in a similar position - DH was a week past his 60th birthday when I placed him and I was 57.

Best of luck - it's a very sad time.

Bhopper

That is what Several others have suggested as well thank you for your input and how has the transition gone for you since then if you don’t mind me asking any positive or negative thoughts stories ideas or suggestions are openly welcome and I thought I was a pretty strong person but it’s starting to get the better of me. It’s about all I can do anymore to manage keeping the house clean doing the meals and making it to work I’m not doing any of them as well as I once was able to but we are managing