Warning TMI - Toileting Issue

MrsAnnabelLee

My mother lives in MC. Since I've been able to visit more, I've noticed that Mom is no longer cleaning herself after a bowel movement. She is then putting on pants or sitting on her bed, which causes those things to become very dirty. Is there a way to help her remember how to clean herself? I've added an additional laundry day to her services, but I'm not sure if there are other ways to address this issue.

John2.0.1

Time for pull-ups. Or whatever you call adult diapers. My mom started having the same problem about 2 months ago. Her MC just started using them. Then they asked me for more.  I wish that they had said something to me when they started as I'd liked to have known how the transition went. They had her using them at least a month before I knew. I'm her HCP. But at least they were proactive.

Lots and lots of MC residents use them. It's really common. Talk to the MC about it. Get the pull-ups set up. Your only worry is whether your mom is going to be cooperative.

At this stage there is no retraining her to clean herself. That's out the window.

star26

Pull ups aren’t going to clean your Mom’s butt. And if she wants to have a BM on the toilet, telling her to go in her pants for caregiver convenience or staffing reasons (?) is not okay, in my opinion. She cannot be retrained to wipe adequately. She needs supervision in the bathroom by the MC staff and they need to help her clean. In the home setting, I added a simple bidet to the toilet and this eliminated the need to wipe unless there was some kind of mess (such as what going in a pull up would create). However an assistant is still needed to turn on the bidet and cue the person. This is something for you to address with the MC staff. I would also consider whether this is something they should have noticed themselves.

Beachfan

I fully agree with star 26.  My DH is still at home, continent because I watch him 24/7 and I clean his butt after every BM, sorry, TMI.  Every other evening, he gets a shower and I thoroughly clean “that area”.  It’s tiring, but he remains clean and fresh.  If he were residing in a facility, I would expect the same personal care from staff.  (Not too much to ask at $6-$8K/ month.)

MN Chickadee

The staff at the MC need to be assisting her, and after a certain point they need to actually be cleaning her after using the toilet. This is definitely expected in MC and usually most if not all residents require this assistance. She likely has lost the coordination and understanding to do it herself. She may also need to wear depends soon, which the staff need to be in charge of changing. My mother in MC is taken to the toilet every couple hours and has her Depends changed as well. We just replaced the underwear in the drawer with the depends and don't say anything or try to convince. At first we paid for the fancy colorful ones that look most like underwear until my LO was used to them.

John2.0.1

Pull-ups definitely won't clean her but they keep the junk confined until the aids can clean her. It sounds like your mom is not asking for help going to the toilet so either way, cleanup is later. I don’t know how willing your mom is to accept help in the bathroom and whether she would ask for help before going.  

If she doesn’t ask for help now it strikes me as unlikely that she’d learn to ask for help.

Either way the best way to start is to have a conversation with the MC on this.

Daughter#2of4

Bless you for paying such careful attention to your DH. 

When I came to visit every other weekend, my retired RN mom had me help my dad with his shower. It wasn’t til he went into MC that I understood how detailed one needed to be with their personal hygiene care. In retrospect, I wish I had been more attentive to his needs.