Poop on the stoop

LadyTexan

This is both a VENT and a problem solving post.

We have a morning routine here. I help DH to the toilet. After I get hubby dressed and get his coffee and turn on the TV, I feed the cat, treat the dog and take a few minutes for myself with my coffee on the back porch. This allows me to take some deep breathes, watch the birds and balance myself for the demands of the day.

This morning I hear the toilet flush so I quickly get back in the house, DH is in the water closet. His hand is covered in poop. The rest of the bathroom is spotless. I help him wash up. He goes out to the front porch, then quickly comes in with a handful of poop. I get him on the toilet and get him cleaned up and remove his briefs and shorts. I tell him we are going to get into the shower. While I am heading to the shower. He walks back to the porch (1/2 naked). I encourage him to come with me, which he slowly does, with another hand full of poop. He says it is everywhere.

I close the front door. I get DH showered and dressed. I check out the front porch and yep, there is poop. I clean it up and pour some cat litter around to absorb the moisture. I will scrub it soon.

DH is now in a foul mood. I am trying to lift his mood by being calm, accommodating and upbeat.

My initial impulses are:

1. put an entry alarm on the front door to alert me when he is one the front porch.
2. put a lock on the front door so he can only go out there with me. DH does not wander.
3. give up my back porch time and watch him ALL THE TIME. I cannot imagine this is sustainable.

What are your ideas and suggestions? Thank you in advance for your feedback.

June45

LT, sounds like the morning from poop hell. Let's nix the #3.  The alarm or lock are both good. I bought a remote monitor/alarm for my husband a while back for his bedroom since I don't sleep in the same room with him. I bought Caregiver Alert Monitor at Kerr Medical.  You can set up the sensor at the porch door and you can carry the monitor wherever you will be, i.e. on the back porch. The monitor will chime when your husband gets near the door.  He won't hear it.  Even if he does hear it wherever you are, it is your "phone". Sometimes, I turn off the chimes on the monitor and it will quietly "click".

Doityourselfer

That's a crappy morning. The alarm and lock are a good start.  Amazon sells a small monitor called Blink.  I love it because it notifies me on my phone if my husband gets up.  I can also see live views of him.  It mostly used when he's in bed because we sleep in separate rooms, and also during the day when he's sitting on the couch and I'm outside doing yard work.

loveskitties

The problem with most of the door alarms is you have to be in hearing distance of the alert.  Sounds like the alarm which communicates with the smart phone is a great option.   

While my folks have had a keyed deadbolt on their front door for years, I always worry they might be delayed in getting out of the house in case of an emergency.

I don't know if they exist, but having several motion detectors (which communicate with smart phone) set up might be worth looking into...one of each of the doors, bathroom, or any other place where DH should not go unattended.

Sorry you had such a stressful start to your day, but only implement your option 3 if all else fails.  You not only deserve, but need, destress time.

Beachfan

Oh, s#@t, LT, literally and figuratively.  As you know, I am a supporter of #3, which is precisely why I am quickly growing weary of caring for DH.  24/7 high alert is getting old! The alarms and locks are a great idea, but might he choose another spot to relieve himself while you are monitoring the front porch?  

My DH sits quietly on the sofa for a good portion of the day; he might stand and pace if he needs to use the toilet.  With summer here, I am thinking of investigating some type of monitoring system so that I can enjoy the pool on our property and sprint to the house to attend to him if need be.  (Thanks for the resources, DIY and June.)   I am a technological doofus, but my kids or grands can help.  Hope the rest of your day goes better.  

Ed1937

Don't give up your back porch unless you absolutely have no choice. At that point it might be time to consider placement again. I'm struggling with placement options myself. I don't want to do it, but I don't want to die either.

David J

LT,

So sorry you had such a difficult morning. Most of us have been there, maybe not the front porch but somewhere. Our last such event was in the garage. 

This may not work for you, but I get up a few hours ahead of my wife, which gives me time to have my coffee, take the dog out and feed her, then read, pay bills, visit the forum etc. 

My wife doesn’t wonder away from the house, but she does wander all over the inside and outside. One of her favorites is go out the kitchen door, around the garage and in the front door. I can’t lock or alarm the doors because of this routine. 

You’ve had a bad time of it lately, but you seem to be managing with your usual aplomb. You’re tough and a good caregiver!

Dave

amicrazytoo

LT - Someone once called it the blue glove club.  I'm afraid, I'm going to have to start buying more... You handle it so well! Me, not so much. My new scent is Lysol, which I used all my life cleaning the house, always made me feel clean.  Now it just reminds me of what I am cleaning up. I hope tomorrow is better. Definitely don't give up your porch time. It's tonic for the soul.

harshedbuzz

Lady T-

I am so sorry for the day you have had and hope this is more of a one-off than a new phase.

I think it makes sense to do whatever it takes to preserve your back porch moments of zen- not just because you deserve a little space but because self-care will keep you as effective a caregiver as you have been all along.

When my son was little,(he has autism and was a challenging toddler who needed an exceptional level of parenting) I used to get up an hour or so before he did to enjoy some solitude and prepare myself mentally for the day ahead. Would something like that work for you or would he sense you're up and want to start the day?

Another thought that is strictly anecdotal and completely TMI, there came a time when hot beverages had an almost immediate laxative effect on my dad as his dementia progressed. My mother could typically redirect him to the bathroom when he was home, but by the time he was in MC this was no longer reliably doable even if we were with him to prompt and the bathroom was steps away. The aides asked us to stop bringing him hot beverages like tea and coffee; they said they served their coffee warm in part to avoid this in the residents for whom it was a problem. 

HB

harshedbuzz

Also "Poop of the Stoop" reminded me of "Elf on the Shelf" albeit not as festive.

White Crane

Dear Lady Texan,  what a crappy morning...literally!  I'm sorry you had to go through that.  You deserve your time to relax and I hope you don't give it up.

abc123

Geese. What a way to start the day. I’m sorry for both of you. 

I hope his mood quickly improved. You can’t do without your porch time, you need AND deserve that time. 

LadyTexan

Thanks everybody. I appreciate the responses and value your input.

Our days here generally start at 4:30 AM. I am not sure that I can start the day any earlier. But I may be able to whittle out some time during the night. DH wants to go to bed very early. I try to keep him up until 7 PM which is harder than you would think. The night time routine is:

• Medication administration by his lovely wife (me).
• DH goes out on the back porch to smoke.
• I try to get DH to use the toilet.
• I brush DH's teeth.
• I undress DH as much as he will allow.
• I pull back the covers and tuck DH into bed, or else he will lay across the entire bed or maybe lay on the bed diagonally. 
• I crawl into bed and we have our night time chit chat.
• DH falls asleep and I read until the panicked thinking begins around 9pm. Then I try deep breathing, positive self-talk, et cetera. until I eventually have a fit full night of sleep, interrupted by multiple potty breaks.

My point is, DH wants me to go to bed with him. However, since DH falls asleep quickly and easily, I could get back up, once he starts snoring and have my me time then. I could try meditation, which may allay the panicked thinking and transition me into an evening or restful sleep.

@amicrazytoo - my fragrance is either poop or PineSol depending on the condition of the bathroom.

CStrope

@amicrazytoo - my fragrance is either poop or PineSol depending on the condition of the bathroom.

This reminded me a bit of my morning scents this morning.  My DH was doing his ColoGuard colon cancer screening test.  For anybody that has done it, the post pooping steps stink! (literally and figuratively )!

He of course couldn't follow the directions and do it himself so I had to do it.  Even after we had the box picked up by UPS I swear I could still smell the scent of that darn poop!

Gig Harbor

Cover the poop with shaving cream. It will allow you to remove it easily and it blocks the odor. Put a Ring camera up that allows you to see him when he is by the door. You can watch him on your phone. Lastly get a mild case of Covid. Apparently I did that and now have absolutely no sense of taste or smell. Where was this when I worked in the ER and had lots of Code Browns to deal with.

Mint

Hope you find something that will make it easier for you.

LadyTexan

Oh my goodness HB! You are brilliant. Market the "poop on the stoop" to make it easier to talk about incontinence, toileting "do's and don'ts", effective cleaning products, and more. Next thing you know, there will be "poop on the stoop" air fresheners! It probably won't be as mainstream as elf on a shelf, but it will make it easier to talk about the unpleasantries caregivers encounter with a little more levity and a little less taboo.

Jo C.

Oh; I am so sorry . . .

J.

Amy-n-Joe

LadyTexan wrote:

1. put a lock on the front door so he can only go out there with me. DH does not wander.

If you were in my support group, the leaders would say to you, just because he has not wandered, only means it hasn't happened yet.  Definitely look into a caregiver alert system that can be put on the doors that will ring to a handset that you can keep with you.