New Glasses

White Crane

DH lost his glasses about a month ago.  Since then, he has been asking about them and wanting his glasses.  I gave him a pair of magnifying reading glasses to use for close vision but he kept forgetting to put them on and usually I had to get them and tell him to use them.  I finally made him an appointment with the eye doctor.  His eyes had not changed much since last time and we got his new glasses two days ago.  Since then he has done nothing but complain about them.  He says he sees better without them than with them.  No matter how many times I tell him he only needs them to see close, he still complains...they do help him see close.  Today at lunch, he complained the entire time we were eating and said he wanted his $200 back.  They cost $227.  I tried to be patient and said I would call the eye doctor and see what they could do.  Not good enough!  Bottom line, he just kept complaining and I finally "lost it" and got angry.  He got angry too.  It was not pretty!  I took the glasses and put them away and said I would take care of it.  He still complained and said some mean things.  Then he asked me if I was going to put him in a home.  No, but one day I may need to.  I give up!  Nothing I say whether agreeing with him or not agreeing seems like the right thing to say.  I feel so frustrated and angry and, I hate to say it but I feel trapped.  I love him and try to take good care of him but he sure makes it hard sometimes!  Now I'm wondering if I should have just left well enough alone and not replaced the lost glasses.  Our daughter is coming for a three week visit on Saturday and I can't wait!  I need relief.

amicrazytoo

I feel your pain, sort of... My DH hates his prescription glasses and will only wear the drug store magnifying type. But he is constantly losing them, I know I have bought 6 pairs in the last 6 months. Take a few deep breaths, exhale slowly. Yay, you have your daughter coming!

Rescue mom

This is somewhat different circumstances, but here’s what I did last week when my DH was refusing new glasses. 

He also lost his glasses, and his Rx had changed big, so we got new ones. Of course the new ones did not suit,  for many reasons that changed almost hourly.

Fortunately, the new frames were similar to the old ones, not the same by any stretch, but similar. I finally took the new ones “away” for a morning, then told him I found his old glasses. (A big fib). But it worked. He’s been wearing the new glasses since, occasionally saying he’s glad he got his glasses back. 

Ed1937

Just a thought. Tell him that you found his glasses, but the frame was broken. And the place where you got his new glasses agreed to put his old lenses in the new frame. No charge.

Another possibility would be that the new lenses were not ground properly. This happened to me once, and they checked the lenses, and found that they were not what was ordered. They replaced the lenses for me.

JoseyWales

I'm reading your post with lots of interest and looking for good ideas from everyone, too. DH just went for an eye exam last week. Boy, was that an eye opener for me to see how he can no longer follow directions (puns intended). He couldn't read ANY of the letters, and could only identify less than 1/2 of the pictures they use for kids. I live in fear of the day he can't find or breaks his glasses, and needed to get the exam done before he really can't work with an eye doctor at all. He needs them for distance is rarely without them. 

The new glasses haven't come in yet. I'm fearful that he won't accept them, too. The frames are very different, but I wanted something a bit more substantial than what he's used to wearing.

LadyTexan

Hugs to you White Crane.

I can absolutely relate to the ongoing complaining. My DH does that more often than I like. On better days, I can overlook it and stay reasonably calm. Then there were the times that I reacted strongly to his petulance. As can usually be predicted when I have a strong reaction: everything turned much worse very quickly.

I am a human being. Sometimes I lose it. In our home, it's always worse, never better, when I lose it.

Hang in there dear one.

Buggsroo

Hi White crane, love your handle by the way.

My husband complains about his glasses. I ask what he doesn’t like. One eye is blurry, so made a new appt for him with the optometrist. I will be taking him next week. He has glaucoma and some macular degeneration. I am hoping that it is just a case of needing new lenses. 

My husband gets snippy with me on a regular basis, I keep trying but when he turned up the heat up to 80 and the room inside was already 90, I burst into tears. I am going to have to invest in a cooling solution for my bedroom. I feel your pain, you try your best like we all do. This disease is horrific.

ElaineD

Hi Bugsroo:

I have just been diagnosed with Macular Degeneration (dry in one eye, wet in the other).

I find that my vision when reading is blurry, I have trouble focusing (some double vision) and no matter how I adjust the font and the 'view' I can't make it perfect.  I imagine that for your husband some of his blurry vision is related to his MD.  Not much to do about that.  

I am learning so much from reading everyone's posts.

ElaineD

ThisLife

I really appreciate the work arounds to help LO accept new glasses.  My experience with corrective lenses as I have gotten older (67) is I can't see with them, can't see without them.  

That aside...    As a retired special education teacher, I know that children who have cognitive impairments, no verbal communication skills, or can't read are assessed for eye glasses.  It is not my area of expertise.  I believe the children are taken to ophthalmologists who specialize in assessing such.  I just did a search online for vision assessment for cognitively impaired individuals expecting to find info about children.  There are many articles and abstracts on assessing persons with dementia.  So it may take finding someone who has some familiarity in assessing people who are not able to accurately communicate.

Buggsroo

Hi Elaine,

Thanks for that info, I have a feeling that may be his problem too. My husband only got the glasses about six months ago, I wonder if the macular degeneration has gotten worse. 

Jo C.

Lesson learned.  I got three pair of glasses for my LO each in exact same frames.  One pair for wearing in the here and now and  two kept at home for losses. I had my LOs name engraved on the ear pieces of the glasses. I also got soft plastic eyeglass holders that went around the neck; that seemed to help.

Eventually had a loss and had to provide one of the pairs I had at home; the last pair were never needed, but glad they had been there.

J.

Rescue mom

I can add that there are ophthalmologists and optometrists who specialize in dealing with patients with dementia (and other cognitive issues) and can conduct exams using different methods than the rest of us get. (At least there are in my area).

White Crane

Thank you dear Lady.  Hugs to you.

White Crane

Thank you all so much for the suggestions, ideas, and information.  I am taking notes for both current and future reference.  It really helps to know how others handle these situations.  Just so you know, I left the house after lunch yesterday to get my haircut...and to de-stress.  By the time I got back home, DH was calmer too.  He said he knew he was upset about something but couldn't remember what it was.  I didn't remind him!  He finally remembered his glasses and asked where they were.  I gave them to him and he still didn't like them but said maybe he should keep them since they help him see up close.  I just nodded.  I'm holding my breath this morning wondering how he will react to them today.  With your ideas, I have some things in mind in case he gets upset all over again.  Thank you again.

Brenda