I miss my mom(1)

Tross760

It hasn’t quite been six months since mom left. Since she left, I packed and sold two houses, mine and hers. I take care of my dad- we all moved cross country from California to Tennessee. I so wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to her. Or just give her a hug and hear her voice. Some days I do ok, other days I just weep. With mom passing so fast, I still struggle a lot of days with the “why?”.  Like, this is really it. She isn’t here any more.

ladyzetta

Dar Tross,

You got a lot done in 6 months, you were pretty busy. You were so busy you probably did not take the time to really feel the loss of your Mother. Now is the time for grief and that is good. It needs to happen. Your Mom will be with you always in thought and spirit. Take Care of Yourself. Hugs Zetta  

Amymv

I am so very sorry for your loss.  It sounds like your mom was diagnosed and then didn't live much longer, is that correct?  Losing our mom is unbearable, but no wonder you are struggling since she left quickly and you have been so busy selling homes and moving! 

Grief comes and goes and hits you when you least expect it.  Please give yourself some grace and sit with the feelings when they come. You have been through SO MANY life changes! We all grieve in different ways, so I am not trying to tell you what to do. 

I teared up the other day at the grocery store when I saw the Lorna Doone cookies on the shelf (mom's favorite). Mom passed away in June of 2020. 

I hope you keep coming here.  We need to support each other!

Tross760

Hi Zetta and Amy, 

Zetta- I do think so much was going on that I am just starting to really process losing mom. I asked my primary for a therapy referral. 

Amy, 

Yes, mom “fell ill” Oct 15, 2020, diagnosed by Dec and then we lost her Feb 25th. While Alz is generally slow- I think she had it far longer than we all knew. I can look back and see signs now. I believe the Vascular Dementia portion was what took her so fast. 

RetiredGopher2010

A quote that has helped me: "Life brings tears, smiles and memories. Tears dry, smiles fade, but memories last forever."  Cherish your memories.

TessC

Your grief is still strong. You have been so busy-but the grief can sneak up and really hurt at times. It'll be 2 years in October since my mother died but I miss her everyday and feel the loss deeply. I wouldn't want it any other way. She is always with me in spirit and that brings me comfort.  One day you may also feel that special peace of knowing she is really always with you. Take care!

Amymv

Hi-

Checking in and wondering how you are doing.  Do you feel settled in your new home?  I hope you are getting time to take care of yourself!

Space within

Dear Tross,

  I am sad to hear of your loss. I  am sending you thoughts and prayers. Someone told me "it's always hard losing a parent."   It is such a common sense statement-right?  When would we really be okay with syaing goodbye to a LO,?    

Being busy, moving, packing up belongings, being in a new place could have been distracting or just taking up the time to grieve.   From what I have heard, and believe, grieving comes in waves and is different for each of us.   My mom passed on the 16th and was diagnosed back in 2011/12. I will probably miss her until the day we reunite. I feel she is at peace and I know she is with me in spirit. I see her smiling, laughing and healthy.

A few years ago, I started reading books on grief and grieving. It has helped me tremendously. I will be going back to the library to borrow those books again very soon.

 I wish for you a loving space to grieve your mom whenever the waves arrive.

 It's normal to miss her. May the  loving memories of times spent together comfort you.  Be easy with yourself. Take care. 

Retired gopher- thank you for sharing the beautiful quote 

Tross760

Checking back in. Has been over a year since mom “suddenly fell ill” Thanksgiving was rough- Christmas seems to be hitting me in waves. I wish I could fast forward through all the “firsts”, but alas- here I am. Taking care of dad. We moved cross country, which is a god send. We have our new places and lives and it is so much less anxiety. I am raising chickens for eggs as a hobby. My special needs son is so comfortable here. Work is busy… but for the most part I love our new path. Those days hit so hard out of nowhere though when I Kia mama. Her sister passed seven months to the day of her. Their eldest sister is now alone. It is sad. Dad mourns mom and doesn’t take great care of himself. Some days are ok- others are not.

Leah_JN

I haven't been following you situation, but I have bad news.   Missing your mom with not get easier.  I miss my mother more and more every day.  In 65, last July I broke my hip quite severely and I want my Mommy.  I may have said that to the doctors and nurses.  I had never been a patient in a hospital in life until then.  If you have children or other relatives, hold them close.  I have neither.

Leah

NC Girl 23

My sweet Mama had a stroke in September of 2020.  We brought her home for what we thought would be about 3-5 days (according to the doctors); it ended up being 13 days.  She could not eat or drink or speak and was completely paralyzed on the right side and somewhat on the left below mid chest.  While she followed us with her eyes the first few days, it was unclear how much she actually understood or processed. We spoke with her, held her hand, brushed her hair, played her favorite hymns, and loved her as much as we could.  Daddy sat and slept in a recliner by her side day and night, hoping for a sign, a word, or anything to show him she was "still in there".    

Once she passed away, I was left to care for Daddy.  He was broken and frail, something that had NEVER been used to describe the proud, strong, and stubborn man I knew.  He had a TIA ten days after she passed away and then had a significant stroke two months after that.  He went through rehab for six months before being able to walk and talk again.  I knew he had been having some memory issues but didn't know how much Mama had been covering for him until I was there all the time.  Once he had the stroke, it was hard to determine what was causing issues--either the "early" Alzheimer's or the residual dementia from the stroke.  It became worse at times, and caring for him took on different faces on different days.

Here I am over two years later, after numerous medical and psychological issues and hospitalizations--only one day after his funeral, staring at a death certificate that shows "Alzheimer's" as the only direct cause of death.  How can one word bring up so many emotions and feelings?  I feel like I am now grieving the loss of both of them.  The pain from the loss is so fresh for each of them, and I cannot yet see what the "new normal" will look like.

I had quit work to help care for my mother, who had developed health problems, and was one week into my notice when she had her stroke.  I was then left to care for Daddy full time.  My husband started working three days a week for the first several months to help me but ended up stopping work altogether when my dad needed his strength and ability to help with his personal needs.  We are both mourning our losses together, so I am very thankful for his support.  I just pray everyone has at least one very special companion to help with the transition of losing the ones we love.