Sooooo Exhausted

Krimpet

I’ve been caring for my aunt for 9 months. My mother wouldn’t help unless I paid her nor my father. I began paying them and all they are doing is just showing up. My mom wants to do everything but care for my aunt, my mother enjoys  requesting that I order food coffee donuts, all while reading my mail, leaving dirty dishes in my sink and leaving used wash clothes on my fan, in my bathroom and in my hallways. My father enjoys coming by and requesting that I order him breakfast lunch and dinner, spilling things on the floor and not cleaning them up, leaving dirty wash cloths in my bathroom and leaving my tub a filthy mess. Meanwhile my aunts room smells like urine, somethings she has feces on her and under her nails. After working 60 + hours a week. I’m tired but no one gets that. They won’t even help me with my toddler. My only other option is Memory Care. I feel bad but I don’t have any support. I’ve been caring for my aunt for 9 months , switching my work schedule around because of appointments. Driving her to all of them. Now I’m forgetting things, I’ve gained a ton of weight, and taking bird baths because I don’t have time to shower just constant running. I’m so overwhelmed . Sometimes I can’t even think of the word for things, just totally clueless. Then my mom keeps saying my aunt isn’t that bad and that she doesn’t want to remember things because she’s trying to get me to do things for her. This statement just really bothers me. My mom always says that I need to spend time with my aunt and how she shouldn’t have to stay in her room all day ( clearly not the case) but if I’m not downstairs, I don’t allow her to roam because she messes up and I have to clean it. Why don’t my mom understand that. When she watched my aunt and I worked an overnight shift, my mom woke up my ain’t before she left and bought her downstairs. I asked her why and she said because it’s early and she should be awake . Then my mom got in her car and left. I haven’t had any sleep since I had her. I’m doing all that I can. No responses are needed. I just needed to type it to someone. I’ve been holding it inside for too long ito s

Quilting brings calm

With parents like that, who needs enemies.

There is no shame in admitting that a staff of people and a facility dedicated to memory care will do a better job.  Your child needs her mama, you need to keep your job.  Please place your aunt and then visit her when you can.   Rest- you deserve it 

Cynbar

This isn't a good situation for any of you.  You are a wonderful niece for trying to care for your aunt, but it clearly isn't working out. If you keep on this path,  you are going to fall apart, and then were will all of you be? Plus, your child really needs her mother, she should be your top priority. Please start the process of arranging placement for your aunt, she will probably do better too. Feel free to come here with any specific questions on how to get that accomplished, we have a lot of experience amongst us and are happy to help.

M1

Hi Krimpet.  I remember your posts from back in the winter.  If I remember correctly, your aunt lives with you, but you do not have power of attorney or guardianship for her, is that right?  

I remember thinking that it was not a sustainable situation for you or your daughter then and still believe that.  But you need to figure out what steps to take.  You cannot arrange placement for her--which sounds like by far the best option--without some legal authority.  You might consider calling the Alzheimer's helpline for additional advice-1-800-272-3900.  Good to hear from you.

mommyandme (m&m)

If you’re going to hire help in then get in touch with an agency. They won’t leave the house a mess nor your aunt.  I’d fire them.