New here(49)

em66

Hi all - I’m new here, but not to Alzheimer’s.  Unfortunately I have a long family history of the disease.  Several years ago my Dad was officially diagnosed, although with our family history we already knew.  Based on his cognitive behaviors, he is probably in stage 2, although some days it seems more like stage 1 if you do not know him.

Currently, my parents live in the house they built over 50 years ago, which is a small blessing.  I live 30 minutes away and my older brother lives 15 minutes away.

Recently my parents were victims of computer scam which caused a financial loss.  So, I now have access to all of their financial information.  

When that event happened, my brother and I agreed that it is time for us to get way more involved.  So I am trying to gather thoughts and ideas together so we can put a plan in place to protect and help our parents.  Mom is the primary caregiver for my Dad, but she is also the primary caregiver for my 97 year old Grandmother.  I know she cannot continue at this pace; she is already exhausted.  

Any advice on things I can do or things I can put in place to help.

Thank you

M1

Hi Em and welcome to the forum, this is a great place to learn, share, and find practical advice.  I'm sorry that this is occurring in your family, especially the financial loss;   there are plenty of similar tales here.  Several years ago I came home to find my partner on the phone with a "Microsoft" representative and she had given him remote access to her hard drive--I got her out of it in the nick of time, but that prompted getting rid of the computer and credit freezes with all major credit bureaus.  If you haven't done that, do it.  It was easy for me to get rid of the computer, because my partner never liked them anyway.  If your dad is used to using it, that may present other issues that we personally haven't had to deal with.  My partner still has an email account because so many places require one, but I'm the only one who monitors it.

First things that usually have to happen are getting legal affairs in order; one of you (either your mother, if she's still in good shape, or you or your brother) need to have durable legal and health care power of attorney for your dad, it is critical to get these done while he's still able to sign.  Hopefully he won't resist; if he does, many families use gentle fiblets to get them done (we're all doing it, or something along that line).  Important to decide who's the best POA (and replacement) over the long haul, as you don't want it to cause friction between you and your brother in the future.  Also a good time to review their wills and living wills.  At the same time, you need to think ahead about potential financial issues:  do they have long-term care insurance?  Are they safe/stable in their current home?  Can they afford to bring in household help if/when it becomes necessary (your grandmother's situation would argue that's sooner not later)?  Is daycare an option?  If your dad needs placement, can they afford private pay or will Medicaid funding eventually be necessary?  This latter is very important, as it requires careful asset management.  A certified elder law attorney (CELA) can help with all of these issues, and it's best to consult sooner rather than later.

Another thing that comes up frequently, in addition to computer and smartphone use/access, is driving.  You can get an objective assessment at major medical/rehab centers, if he'll do it.  Definitely something to discuss with his medical providers, too, many folks take it better from them than from family.  

Good luck, I'm sure others will have suggestions for you also.  Like I said, there are many wise and experienced folks here, and we're all out to support each other.  It's always hard.