New here & new to this journey

msimko

My fiance and I already care for his mother who lives with us due to her mental disease. She has siczohprania, bipolar, anxiety, and depression. A week ago she has now been diagnosed with early stages of dementia. We can see the changes in her and are seeking support wherever we can. Education, daily support on habits, proactive long term decisions, etc.  It has been a rough road already with her mental disease and we are just spinning wheels right now.

M1

Welcome msimko, my heart goes out to you, that's a lot for a young couple to take on.  I'm sure with longstanding mental illness there are factors that are different from late-onset Alzheimer's.  Does your fiance already have power of attorney for her?  Hope so, if not that's something to look into right away.  Also, think ahead about finances, if she should need placement, will she need Medicaid to do so?  Those are questions for a certified elder law attorney (CELA) if not already addressed.  The mental illness aspects may make consideration of placement harder than in "run of the mill" Alzheimer's also.  Something to research well ahead of time.

There are many wise and experienced caregivers here.  Read a lot of threads, they will give you ideas about questions you didn't know you had, as well as practical advice.

msimko

Hello M1. Thank you for the reply.  I have left a message with a lawyer regarding POA. We took her in 1-1/2 years ago because she was not getting the care she needed for the mental illness from her daughter. That alone has been really rough. She receives extremely little SSA and SSI and is on Medicaid. It was difficult for us to even get her a life insurance policy. She litterly has nothing to her name. Everything comes from us and with me recently unemployed makes it hard. Now, with this she can't really be left alone. We have no idea what to do. Our wedding is quickly approaching and all.

terei

I would enlist the help of county/city/state social services to locate a facility where your MIL can receive professional care under Medicaid.  

You may be able to be a caregiver at home, but I would also look for a plan B.   The emotional + financial well-being of you + your soon to be H will be negatively impacted trying to help someone with such profound challenges.

PickledCondiment

The first step needs to be a meeting with an elder lawyer to develop an action plan and have the necessary paperwork prepared. That said, research what you will need, otherwise you'll be paying the lawyer to ask you the questions you should be asking.  

Examples: does she have a checkbook, does she have a POA (Power of Attorney, general and medical), advance medical directives (should she become unable to articulate her medical wishes).  

The more information you have for the attorney meeting, the easier it will be to get the proper documents.  Do not hesitate to ask as many questions as you need to feel comfortable, these are very complicated topics and often driven by specific state laws. 

Please consider reaching out to the local Office on Aging (every state has them) the staff are very qualified and the services and information are free.  They will provide another source of support at a critical time. 

As others have stated, there are numerous resources available, seeking them out will provide your with valuable information.  Additionally, you will start to develop the all critical support system, the contributors on this board understand and are here to help. 

abc123

Welcome & Congratulations on the upcoming wedding. That's wonderful. I'm very sorry for what you are all going through. My own mother has stage 6 alz. and my only brother has an undiagnosed mental illness. He is 50 years old and is extremely delusional. To top it off, my 84 year old dad is showing signs of dementia since he slipped on ice back in January/Feb. He was diagnosed with a concussion and has been making extremely poor decisions, In a six week period I drove back and forth to Texas three times. Dealing with this disease has made me physically ill, extremely depressed and overwhelmed. Please be careful or the situation will consume the both of you. You are only human. please read as much as you can. Knowledge is power. I highly suggest reading The 36-Hour Day. It covers just about everything. Very valuable information. Is it possible to find a respite care facility to place MIL in for a month so you and your groom can relax and enjoy your wedding and the preparations and the honey moon. Google respite care for people with dementia in your area. You are a brave young woman. I admire you and the groom. Remember to be realistic about the situation because the dementia will get worse. Is MIL on any medications for the mental illness. A close friend of mine does very well on a cocktail of medications, He can not function in day to day living without the medication. I wish you well.

towhee

If she has SSI and Medicaid she should have a social worker assigned to her already. See if you can reach out to that social worker, they should be able to help with information on home programs, day care, or placement. Until your fiance can get that DPOA (he might need a health care power of attorney as well) she will probably have to be present and give permission for this conversation.

Members of the forum usually recommend reading a short article available for free online called "Understanding the Dementia Experience".

msimko

Hi Terei,

I have contacted department of aging and her mental group facility. That is how I got here. They all directed me to this website. It is very difficult for my fiance and I to have any alone time and focus on each other, but we do have great faith and are very spiritual. We will, together, get through all of this with the help of all of you and others.

msimko

Hi PickeledCondiment,

I am her payee for SSI/SSD and that income is so so low.  No one could live off of what she receives. So, I am the one who handles her income. POA is something we do need to get. We are already her assigned medical contact and decision makers. Thank you for the advice and keep them coming!

msimko

Hi ABC123,

Thank you so much! At times the struggles are so real and do consume us. Especially now when trying to finalize all our plans for the wedding in November. I'm so sorry that you are going through it as well. At least we all have each other here. She is on plenty of meds for her mental illness and that is the reason her primary doc does not want to put her on any more meds for the dementia. I just have to have doc visits every two months to monitor the progression and take it one day at a time.