Shadowing(2)

Bob C

My DW seems to be getting worse as far as shadowing. She is at a moderate stage but declining at a faster pace the last several months. 

I know MC is going to be in the picture sooner than later. Have 4 hours a day/7 days a week help (thankfully bought LTC insurance back in 1999); but I am feeling more and more overwhelmed. 

Question is how to move a LO to memory care when they are so dependent? If I go the bathroom and she does not see me for 5 minutes she gets very anxious "if anyone here?"

I am struggling with this, any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

JoseyWales

I wonder the same thing. If DH needs me constantly, how will he handle being in a setting where there's no one to answer his call immediately? Or even within 10 minutes? I can just see his frustration setting in. 

But then again, it seems to be ME he's following and expects to come at a second's notice. Our LOs aren't the only ones to go through this, and I imagine it's something that the professionals are used to.

terei

Frankly, this does not seem to be a huge problem at the facilities I have seen.   If your LO is ambulatory, they are with other residents + staff during daylight hours...activities, eating, receiving ‘cares’ etc.  If  they want to see someone, they can walk a short way + they are distracted by another resident.

This particular concern would not be on my radar.  It may take days or weeks for them to become acclimated, but that is pretty common + staff is well acquainted with how to handle that.   If anything, the fact that your LO is not able to be alone for 5 minutes would cause me to accelerate placement so you can get some relief.

aod326

Hi Bob and Josey. This worried me a lot before I placed DH in MC. However, it didn't appear to be a problem at all once he was there. I wonder if it was a little bit "out of sight, out of mind". I spent a lot of time worrying about what happens if he can't find his socks, etc., but the staff are experienced with those concerns.  Having said that, many PWD who are placed, constantly contact their LOs. But that's another issue - you'll see lots of threads about that.

Try to just focus on the good things placement will bring, both to your wife and to you.

Bob C

Good point, will look begin meeting with some of the memory care folks, I'm sure this is not unique to me, but have moments of doubt. We will see, because moving to MC in a year seems likely.

Bhopper

I have experienced the same and have the same concerns. We are loved ones that are experts in knowing our LO not experts in care many of us have tried and try to be both. I recently had to face the reality of my care even with help is not what is best for her. I also had to tell many family members it’s not about how they feel it is about what is best for my wife. After  fall this week I started the transition paperwork and struggled and continue to because it makes it real! But my knowledge I have gained by visiting multiple MC facility in addition to several assessments with all the same results. I have had to accept at least for me she need requires and deserves what I can no longer provide. Hope it helps in some way

David J

I am facing the same placement decision. I know intellectually that the MCF is better equipped and staffed to take care of my wife, but it is an emotionally hard decision. The residents in the MCF have constant attention from the staff, activities, help with ADLs, help with eating, help with everything. They have housekeeping, food service, facility maintenance and all other services that I try to provide at home all by myself. They have a better setup than I do. 

But they don’t know her the way I know her. They won’t love her the way I love her. Will you they be able to provide the emotional support that I give her?  And what will I do without her?  

If I wait too long, she won’t pass the facility’s initial assessment. Every place I visited performs these assessments to evaluate level of service required and to ensure that the resident can function in their particular environment. They want there to be enough of the individual remaining to participate in the activities. I don’t want to wait so long that my only options are Skilled Nursing or Hospice. 

It’s all so difficult. 

Jimbob59

My mother has reached the point where she will need a skilled nursing facility. Meeting with one today. Things like her wandering the halls and not being able to find her room or me keep me awake at night even on the nights when she sleeps.