Help! Wandering out of MC room and calling anxious and lost

Care__

Hi all

Looking for some advice if anyone has gone through this before. It is my fathers 4th night in memory care since moving from home. He is doing pretty well with it overall.. except evenings. I keep getting repeated calls from him where he has excited his room at MC and wandered down the hallway. Then calls very anxious and when I try to direct him back to his room his anxiety overtakes and he can’t find his room when he’s standing looking at the one directly across from his. This goes on for a good 15 mins and has been happening every 30 mins the lag 3 hours. I don’t understand why no caregivers at mc are helping him or reassuring him that he is in his apartment and is safe and that’s where he will sleep for the night! I don’t want to ignore his calls as he sounds so scared and anxious I want to help. I guess my questions are is this because he is so new there, I mean I know that’s partially why,  but he was having difficulty with what to do next and how to go to sleep at home as well.

But shouldn’t the people at mc be doing more?

Do I keep answering? 

He sounds so scared and anxious and knows he has a lot of anxiety. I started trying to just reassure him he is safe and everything is ok.

I am going to put up more signs around the apartment that he is safe and this is where he stays. I wish he could help me make the place feel comfortable and familiar to him but I know he can’t. 

Sorry for the rambling post. I think you all will understand though there’s a lots of thoughts and emotions going through my head thinking and worrying about my lo and wanting to make sure he is ok and in the right place!

loveskitties

Hi,

Do you or someone who may be with you when he calls have a second phone?  If so, could put in a call to MC to have someone go help get him back in his room while you are reassuring him.

Some MC facilities have boxes or allow postings on the doors to give the patients visual clues...perhaps a big green square piece of paper or something easy.

Where my friend works, they are doing room checks at night about every 2 hrs which is a long time for him to be lost.

At the very least report the situation to the MC facility to see what can be worked out.

Wishing you both the best

Care__

Thank you! That is a good idea to call mc to guide him back while on the phone. He has a name on the door but they are all exactly the same I understand why he’s confused. I will ask them about putting up some color or sign to differentiate in some way. Thank you again for your reply

star26

Lost and upset for 15 minutes, every 30 minutes, for the last 3 hours? I agree: Where is the staff while this is going on? I would definitely call the MC while this is going on and have them assist your Dad and report back to you. I'd also like to know if they see him wandering before you call. And I'd also bring it up with someone in a supervisory role so that it's noted in your Dad's care plan so everyone knows he needs extra attention and reassurance in the evenings (even though this should be common sense since he just moved in!). Meanwhile, I'm glad he is able to call you during these times so you can summon in-person help. Signs are not usually effective for people with dementia.

raisinggirls

I would also call and email and ask for more care at night.

We put Mom's picture outside her door so she always knew which room was hers. And so did everyone else. It was also a great conversation starter! 

Sjodry

Care_

I made a 12x12 picture of my mom (headshot) with the words: Fran’s Room on the wall next to her door. I noticed the facility did not have that so I made it for her so she could find her way to her room.

I tried to attach it but it does not seem to be working. If you want to see it, please send me a message. It helped her greatly..especially since no one else had one.

Take care.

Sandy

MN Chickadee

The staff should be helping. Ask them to do some extra checks and care during the night for the first few weeks.  They should be directing him back to his room and helping him get back in bed. Sometimes all you have to do is ask. 

I would decorate the door more. Put a picture of him and a big sign that says "Jerry's Room" or whatever his name is, maybe some family pictures he might recognize. Anything else that may be familiar (his favorite baseball team logo, pictures of his siblings or pets etc.) Then if you or the staff say look for the door with the big green sign that says Jerry or the one with the dog or whatever he will have a better chance of recognizing it. You might like having an Alexa or similar in his room. You can have the settings so you are able to "drop in" and talk with him when he needs some reassurance and he wouldn't have to know how to use it. Maybe seeing and hearing you would help (you're safe, I'm here for you, get some rest and I will see you tomorrow etc.) 

I responded to your other post. The first days are hard. Sometimes there isn't much we can do about the anxiety other than wait for them to adjust to their new surroundings. It does get better. It sounds like you are doing everything you can and he is lucky to have you. Hang in there. 

Care__

Thank you! These are all great ideas. I actually bought an Amazon video alexa (i think?) but never set it up in his home because it seemed too confusing for him. I will try it now though in his apartment! Although the building does not have wifi which I find odd. I think I can set up internet service for the room. 

Thank you for the door suggestion! Today I put a bigger sign with his name on it and added an orange coaster with the name of his family’s company on it. I like the picture idea and “Bobs room” I think I will add that this weekend!

You are right. I need to just let the anxiety settle down. I just feel so horrible that I can’t be there to help make him feel ok. But I know there isn’t much I can do other than reassure him when I can and hope he settles in.

Thank you all again!