Disturbing visit with mom at Geriatric Psych unit

John2.0.1

My mom was sent from her memory care to the ER and Geriatric Psych at the hospital for aggressive behavior, hitting and kicking.

She's going on her 3 week now.

I've tried to visit for 30 minutes (all they allow) twice a week.

Yesterday's visit was very uncomfortable. I don't know if mom was actually confusing me with my dad who died almost 2 years ago but she was essentially trying to hit me up for sex. The whole visit was about sex except for several instances where mom insisted we were allowed to roam the floor and see her room when multiple times the RN had made clear to her that I am only allowed to visit in the visitation room. Mom claimed that she (my mom) is the boss and can change the rules. She really was very non-compliant with the RN and me but not physically aggressive.

The whole visit was really Icky. She also talked about how the Dr wants to have sex with her.

Sex sex sex. to me her son.

My previous visits had been between 11am and 12:30pm visiting hours. Yesterday I could only make an appointment at 5:30 and I know what she's less with it in late afternoon but this was a total shock.

I'm not going back that late again. But do dementia patients confuse sons with deceased husbands and want sex? I'm still a bit rattled from that visit.

Melony F

Dementia does change their thoughts and behavior.  I never heard my Mom curse and now that is a regular part of her vocabulary.  You just have to know that it's not her talking, it's the disease.  The best tactic I've found for these uncomfortable  moments is to change the topic.  I always take cookies or a snack where I can just say "Here, let's have another cookie" and get her mind on something new.

Sounds like she is experiencing Sundowners Syndrome. When my Mom sundowns about 4:00-4:30 in the afternoon, she gets very angry and accusative.  I try to only visit mid-morning or early afternoon to avoid escalating the sundowning that happens every afternoon.  She'll pack up all of their things to "go home" and cause Dad a lot of heartache in the evenings.  The next day she has no recollection of what happened, asks how everything got packed up and unpack it.  This repeats frequently.

I just joined this group and by reading posts of others I don't feel so alone.  We all need support and our collective experiences should be used to hold each other up.  Good Luck!

hkuchera

Yes certainly sons are confused with husbands - especially if they look anything alike. She may be picturing her husband as a much younger man... which you probably look like. My brother had the same type issue with my mom. He never actually told me she was hitting on him but he was so disturbed by her behavior he rarely if ever visits her anymore.

When the covid restrictions lifted I took my husband with me to visit my mom in her MC unit. He got his butt patted a few times and some of the ladies greatly invaded his "personal space" (they weren't overtly sexual, just closer than he was comfortable with - especially with the butt patting). He hasn't been back since and I understand why. There are a few men in mom's MC unit but they hardly ever seem to associate with the women... again probably because in their minds why would they associate with all these old ladies. My mom quite often says she is 15 years old - she's actually 85.

Afternoons unfortunately are the worst time to visit with anyone with dementia. Sundowning is a real thing/problem.

- Holly K.

Jo C.

Some very good input from Members, hope the nurse reports this behavior to the doctor. If it persists you may want to contact the doctor; such behavior often comes from damage to the frontal lobe.  If indeed persistent and overwhelming it may indicate a need for adjusting treatment.

J.

John2.0.1

Thanks for your replies.

I did report this to the RN. I don't know if she reported to the doctor. I have a call into the social worker to make sure the doctor is aware and if he wants to talk. He should know and I also want him to know what she said about him even though no rational people would believe my mom she may be spreading false rumors.

As a side note, she is staying longer than expected initially. Way back in April when I knew when I would be fully vaccinated for Covid (She already was) I made an appointment for her to see her neurologist. August 4. When I talked to the doctor yesterday afternoon before seeing my mom we both agreed that an August 4 drive into the city was probably a bad idea so I rescheduled. I was shocked that the next available appointment is December 1!

The neurologist mom is set to see is covering for her usual neurologist who is on sabbatical and because they have never met he is insisting on an in-person visit. Telehealth is out.

Jane Smith

John, it’s never easy with dementia. It just keeps sucker punching you with stuff you could never imagine. 

I had a surprisingly similar experience with my mother when she was in GeriPsych. 

It was one of her more lucid moments and she had a very long conversation with me about her sex life, including a lot I never wanted to know, even if they were some/all/none fabricated, confabulated, or whatever. I will spare you the details but it was harrowing for me.  

She also gave me, repeatedly, detailed instructions about where to look in her home for items she wished me to discard. Mercifully it was just books and other publications but let’s just say it was not a highlight. 

I also heard, off the record, about her propositioning various staff and patients. Also ugh. 

At that point she still knew I was her daughter and so no, she did not proposition me. However, if my husband had been with me, who knows?

It’s not uncommon for persons with dementia to confuse people, especially family members if there’s a physical resemblance, and sometimes even just a similar voice or height, and sometimes perfect strangers are assumed to be people the person with dementia knows. 

I know none of this is helpful. I’m sorry.

M1

John, maybe it's time to revisit whether she even needs to see a neurologist at all at this point. Maybe that's something else to discuss with the psychiatrist. Just a thought.

John2.0.1

For Parkinson's?

It's her strength and mobility that she needs to be able to stay in a memory care than have to move to a nursing home.

She has been immobilized on the floor. We have had to make lots of adjustments and increases to her Rytary to be able to transition from wheelchair to bed. Isn't a neurologist needed?

M1

No of course, my mistake. I forgot that Parkinson's was her underlying illness. Hate for you to have to make the trip....